Tag Archive: surfing


Bloody internet. You can not hide even if your life would depend on it!

Have lots of people in my life, some I met in elementary school and still enjoy spending time with them, some have enchanted me recently,  I still go out and socialize, then there are some lovely people that I had the honour and pleasure to get to know through the internet… What can I say – yes, I love people and I need the socialisation!

One of the things that I don`t need is „Hook up again with the persons you`ve lost contact with“. A-a. Hell no! If I wanted them here, I wouldn`t lose them in the first place! Don`t get me wrong, it`s not like we had some serious fights, it`s just that we took other paths for different interests and affinities. And as far as I see it, it is good that we have.

But…something have found me.

Something from the ancient past, something that I didn`t like even then when it was present, because even at that time we were too different. Fortunately that something have fallen in love and flew far far away! Aaaaah, how beautiful…it was. Now she`s back. And she wants to renew the contacts…. Dirty… mother…son of the…penetration!!! There!

Sooooooo, not to be too judgemental, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she have changed through the years I clicked „Yes“ on her friend request. Yeeeees, big mistake….

Anyhow, there I was – stalking. (yes, that is stalking, a milder type, but still) Reading her profile and her preferencies. And I saw that she is playing the same role, same old cheap movie playing in her head. Nothing happened in the meanwhile: no epifanies, no desire for upgrading, no need for a change.

Except one thing – she have obviously developed a Zsa Zsa Gabor syndrome. Seriously. She turned getting married into a hobby. And damn, is she emotional! Her corny statuses are literally sputtering from the screen, crying „Dark is the star under which I was born“ or „Oh, misery, my loyal companion“, she is a member of all the prominent groups like: „You call me a whore when I give and when I don`t“, „All the ones that are trashing me just don`t know me well“, „All men are heartless dicks“,  „I am better then her and you`ll be sorry when you finally see it“ and my personal favorite „Love to drink but then I think of you“….or something like it.

Yes. So mature, so profund, so… who makes that groups anyway?!?

The problem with people like this is that you can`t use some subtle approaches like „Coffee? Sure! But not today.You know, deadlines, my apartment is a mess, I still haven`t fed my cat…..Oh, not now, I am sending help to Pakistan and you know the crowd in the post office… I got to run! To a protest in Japan! Bastards are messing with the whales again.… You can`t, because they don`t give a damn. They want to go out with you and talk about themselves, not even thinking about who is the person sitting in front of them. They just don`t see, don`t hear and don`t care.

Damn the social networks! And Google too! How in the world she have found me?!? I`m not signed under my real name, we don`t have any mutual friends…How? Jesus!

And for that reason, from the vampires of our ancient past, and the preservation of our healthy CBC, we should have a new option – Google stake. You click on it and puff! The bloodsucker is gone! For eternity.

So, this is what I want, such a „button“. Let her drink blood to somebody else.

Are you sure you want to Google staking this person?

Yes, I`m bloody sure!

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Severely attacked (and insulted) by a nasty cold. Howcome the daytime television become a synonym for stupidity, I had nothing better to do than to surf upon all grand and small waves of the web. Uuuuuuh and goes what I found – one of the chick sites with all the „guaranteed, bonified and verified“ advices for, quoting „How to drive a man wild“.

Read it, done it and had fun.

So I advice you to do the same, just follow these few simple steps. Ready?

 1.  First lean your head a little to one side (that will, so thay say, send a signal that you are interested)

2, Then open your mouth a little and stay that way (don`t over do it otherwise you`ll look like you have a facial paralises, really don`t want that)

3. Ater that you have to concentrate on your eyes – you have to blink slooooowly but don`t you dare closing it, just leave them half-opened (here you are taking a risk to cry your eyes out like you are involved in some strange new military experiment, but hey – you do want to look sexy, don`t you?)

4. To bring the new look to perfection, throw one hip to the right and your left leg to the front, while in the same time you have to turn your knee towards your right (just be careful not to crash down to the floor otherwise Paula Abdul will spit on you like a llama on a unsuspecting child for the lack of elegance, and you reaaally don`t what THAT)

There.

Done it?

Now look yourself in the mirrow. Fantastic, isn`t it? You look like a real retard! THIS will guarantee you to drive every man wild. The only problem is that he will run wild too, but in the other direction from where you`re standing. But then again, hey you can`t have it all!

Like we have agreed before the secret of the sex appeal is…..to be yourself. Relaxed yourself. I mean, how in the hell you may even think of sex when you are concentrated on your body trying to perform some strange mixture of Jiu-Jitsu, Swan Lake and Thriller dance?!?