Tag Archive: single


Are you single? Feeling ok with it? Good.

 

And what if one day you decide to share your beautiful world with someone and you find out that the competition is changed?

I am a big fan of singleism. Used to be one and really enjoyed it. And for that reason, I always defend someone`s choice to be single. Let`s face it – it is not always easy. You will be judged by your family (why can`t you find somebody nice and settle down?), by your married friends (the time is flying, you know, you can`t go on like this forever), your work colleagues (you think you`re something special?) and the public in general.

It takes cojones to be solo, to live by your own rules, to comfort and cheer yourself when rainy days come, to solve everyday dramas and always give 100% because you have to, because there is no other half who will do it for you. Not to mention that everything is more expensive, for you, single as you are.

But that kind of freedom, if you want it, worths every penny.

 

Now, let`s say that one day you decide that you are ready for sharing yourself with someone? (have a friend which uses this term, qouting „I want to share myself with someone“). Let`s say that now you are in your late 30s. You look younger than you are, having this bless because you haven`t given any birth, had all the time in the world for yourself and everything that comes with it.

What do you expect, who will be your competition on the market? Have you already prepared yourself to curse the 20 year old bimbos?

Well think again because the ones who you should be aiming are the socially praised married ones.

My best friend is actually „looking“ after 20 and something beautiful years of singleism….and surprise, suprise, her competition are actually married girls and women who go out a lot and somehow forget to mention that they are married. They flirt, sometimes push for something more juicier, sometime are in a relationship with single guys telling them how it is hard for them, that their best half doesn`t has any understanding for their needs, how much he is working, they are always alone, and blah, blah, blah…The dame in distress bulls…. You know the drill.

 

How do I fit in the story? Because one of my best friend`s „rivals“ turned out to be someone I know. Someone with who recently I had several discussions regarding this kind of life. My point of view is very simple – don`t do anything what you don`t want to be done to you. Cheating someone who is devoted to you, just because you are bored, is idiotic and cowardly. It takes COURAGE to enjoy the benefits of being single. Living under someone`s wing, lying, just that you may have a safe port after the exciting storm is … It makes you a pure zero.

If you want to have this kind of life, be honest and fair, and take the „single“ step. Yes, it is a big step, a complicated one, often hard, but it is the only right step you can do. That is if you have any respect for yourself and for other people.

 

To use the immortal wisdom of the Beastie Boys, you gotta fight for your right to party. Otherwise, you don`t deserve it and the others do not deserve all the c..p you`re pulling off either.. In fact, you are taking someone`s place on that thrill ride, so get up and move on.

There are people waiting in line here, so c`mon!:-p

 

Because we don`t deserve it, 39. (me for listening to this s… almost every day, those poor partners who still doesn`t suspect anything, the other sides which don`t expect to be deceived and used, and finally the single ones for taking their indentity, place and rights)

 

The hommage also goes to another friend which have boldly and fairly taken the single step, after 20 years of marriage. That`s to way to do it!

 

 

 

 

 

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I`m worried.

Seriously. For me and for my enviroment.

 

After waking up at 3 am this morning, for the persistent cough which brought out the best me, (meaning: didn`t want to wake up my best half with my sudden urge to express myself coughally, I went altruistically to the living room), making myself a cup of coffee (ok, 2 of them), getting incredibly bored (clicked and red everything I could think of) I started to think. I truly did.

And I came up with a conclusion that I don`t talk about sex with anyone! And what is worse, none of my friends are talking about sex either! No sex! Anywhere!

 

What the hell?!?

The sex is gone!

How can it be missing? We are all doing it, more or less, but we never ever talk about it. Like it have become a taboo. Like we have joined some orthodox puritanical sect called „Victorian is the way to go“ where „the thing“ is totally erased as a completely non grata issue. And again, what the hell?!?

When I think of it, last time I heard about it, few months ago, one of my single friends was mentioning something about how she done it with …hm…someone who was not in the picture for too long. And that`s it. As far as I know, nobody is doing it.

Yes, we chat, but I know everything, every damn detail about someone`s health (bowel movements, sinuses, ovaries…you name it), their family issues, absolutely everything about their jobs and daily routine, when they woke up, how they woke up, how was the coffee…but sex? None!

Then I started to think, maybe I am just too old, maybe people after certain 30s just don`t talk about it, but I concluded that it just can`t be it. The present situation is that nobody is bragging and no one is complaining neither. Which is not good. A-a. No good at all.

 

And I can`t just start a conversation with a „Sooooo…getting any…..ha?“ Or invite someone over for a cup of coffee (and cookies, don`t forget the cookies), put a cd and start singing „You lost that looooovin` feeling… woooooooooaaaah“. No, that`s not a solution.

The truth is that these conversations where actually making me happy. Why? Because sex is important, sex is joyful, you can always learn something, it can make you lough, it can make you more intimate with someone (you know what I mean, talking about it, not the… ) and for crying out loud, it is a normal thing for grown-ups! We`re not 7 any more!

 

So, this is it. I don`t want to consider sex a dead issue any more. I`m starting a sexual conversational revival. Today.

(wish me luck, somehow I feel I`m gonna need it, with this recession, depression and other essions around….)

 

Because I deserve it, 34.

Photo by Americangoulash.

Happy break up!

It is hard. It is often unbearable. It hurts like hell.

But…only for first two months. Then you discover that the Sun still shines, that people are still living around you and hey, so are you!

Then after some time, you start to lough to yourself and your reactions. My last time was:

Day 1: We broke up, I called my best friend, she picked me up and took me for a good cry (you know, sobbing and crying „Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?“ to the skies) and then she drove me to her apartment where I found a bed with sheets with red and black hearts on it and a box of tissues on a night stand. A very own Heartbreak hotel only for me! Aaaaaaah, isn`t that nice?

Day 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7: Crying, sobbing, some cursing.

Day 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14: More cursing and really little crying. Lot of walking.

Day 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22,… to 30: State of reflecting (why in the world have I entered in this relationship anyway? Even a blindman could see that he didn`t have what I need). And little more cursing, of course.

Day 30 to 60: Well, well, well, there is life on Earth! And look, I am here too!

Day 60 to 100: Having fun. Really having fun! Going out (hangovers included), dancing all night, meeting new people, re-discovering myself.

And THAT my friend is why a break up is a good thing.

You know those trust exercises people do when you have to let yourself fall into another man`s arms? Well, you have to do it alone. What do I mean? You have to learn to trust yourself. You probably didn`t had an issue with trusting other people in the first place at all, but the problem you do/did have is trusting yourself. Yes, you may fall but you don`t have to be scared, you may easily prevent it, learn how to do it and finally if it happens anyway, to stand up again on your own.

My fall and rise was going like this: OK, this will sound incredible but I never learned to ride a bike when I was a kid. Seriously, I didn`t have the need and I wasn`t too interested. And I always felt a little embarrassed when someone told „Hey, it`s like riding a bike! You never forget it“. Yeah, right…Like I would know how it feels… So I took a friend with the same problem (his excuse is an ununsual one: his parents are hard intelectuals, they encouraged him to play chess, read, and stuff like that which made him a very interesting person, with two master`s degrees, but no common knowledge like….riding a bike). So we took a bike and went on a deserted place. And I tried. And tried. But I was so scared and paralysed from fear that I couldn`t let myself go. Then, a half-miracle happened: an old man came along with this timeless words of wisdom „You have to let yourself fall, otherwise you are never going to learn“. And I thought „What the….?!? Who do you think you are, Yoda??? What kind a cr.. is this?!?“ I mean really, can you imagine the cliche, an old man coming out of nowhere and saying that?

And I did. True, after and hour and a half but I did it. It worked. I pushed myself and wittingly throwed myself to the ground. And it was beautiful. A revelation. Hell yes, I had large bruises on my legs all summer but I it was worth it. Just after that, I sat on it again and….I  was riding a bike! Me, on my own, with nobody holding it, alone, by myself! Riding. A bike. Ha! Look at me, I`m going! Yipeeeeeeeee!

That thing brought me a package of goodies. For example, after that relationship disaster I had few others but I never felt that bad again. Yes, after the break up you will feel the pain but it will never hurt that much again. And you`ll be on your fee in a jiffy. And you won`t ever feel that lost, or desperate again. Why? Because it is always you. Actually, it really doesn`t matter who is the other person. You know you always have yourself and you know that you are strong, that you can do whatever you like, make mistakes, make some incredibly stupid things, but you can will always depend on yourself.

Because you are The One.

The One dragging the rainy clouds over and calling the Sun back again.

And one more thing, use wisely the grieving period, try to concentrate on yourself, it is you that you are sorry for, not him/her and not your lost relationship.

Then, have a blast.

Embarrass yourself, be wild, dance on the tables if you like it, get a tattoo, whatever, just have fun. Treat yourself with beautiful and nice things, tribute yourself in every chance you have, because you are worth it.

And make your break up period a truly remembering experience.

Because you deserve it, 45.