Tag Archive: shame


Boobs on the loose!

It`s cold. So cold that your nipples look like you`re just headed to some porn editorial. Which reminds me on a story from last summer…

I have boobies.

They are not huge but I do have them. Two, to be more precise. They are round and each has a small brown nipple. I take care of them the best I can: I wear a bra worried about future gravitational issues, put moisturizing cream on, massagge them from time to time….And I love them. To me, they are very beautiful.

Every now and then, me and my boobs are going to the beach. We usually pick one which is at least few miles away from the „regular“ beaches, somewhere where we can enjoy in silence and solitude without too much noise and hussle. And there we feel fine. We are absorbing sunshine in our pores, swimming, churning…. Just fantastic!

So one day, me and my boobs, went to our usual source of marine blessings. We came, took  the clothes of, and accomodated. Aaaaaah, gorgeous! And we did enjoy, for an hour or so. Then, all of the sudden, I heard some noise. Oh, some people are coming! Two young families, to be precised. Lovely. So much for the peace, quiet and relaxation, but then again we have all support the birthrate boost. I decided to endure the screaming and crying and running and splashing. And everything was alright until one of the young mothers, I emphasise YOUNG not some old nun, haven`t noticed my boobs. Her young husband have also noticed them but his look was expressing curiosity and amusement while hers was full of hate and personal animosity sending the messagge „Really, from all the places in the world, you had to strip HERE you bitch!?!?“. (I must add that I live in Europe, where topless is usually a very common thing, God bless)

The young mother then started to throw children`s toys, swear and curse, something about „boobs on the loose“. And I do bealive, according to her behavior, that she was the only who heard the message transmitted for my boobs, who were probably chanting something like „la la la, we`re out and there`s nothing you can do!“.

I was confused: why such hate, maybe the young mother doesn`t have one? But no, I saw them, they are far more bigger then mine! Trapped in cloth, but they are both beautiful, healthy and romp. Hm… You see, I have other parts of the body: head, neck, legs, arms…But they don`t seem to provoke anyone. Then I remembered – she must think that boobs are made strictly for one thing and that is lactation. And for that reason, you must keep them in pitch black, where nobody can see them. Every now and then, you may set them free for your legally bonded partner but otherwise, they don`t exist.

Fuck it! Where are we?!? Are we living in Iran, Turkey maybe?!? This is western culture, as far as I remember! What would your mother say about showing your tits in public? That it is a great sin? So must be the sex too, sex is yacky, you do it every now and then just to prevent your husband not to fly in somebody else`s arms. And boobs. These are dark secrets, and dark is the only place where they should be kept.

Well, this is my body which I love and respect very much. The same body that is given to me by my parents and maybe some higher power. And no, I feel no shame for it. And I never will. Next time do yourself a favour and go somewhere where people are sunbathing in raincoats. Just to be on the safe side. Made for all the uber-moral nuns.

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TV… such a powerful media. Everyone is watching it. Long, long time ago, on the television you could see only the ones who really had „something“ – good actors, giornalists, singers… Now, with all this reality shows and talk shows, everyone may get a chance to be on it. And some of them are really using it. Big time.

Some people would do anything just to have their own 5 minutes of fame. Even if they reveal to the world that they are peeping through te keyhole while their mother-in-law  takes a shower. Or that every now and then, they stick a corncob into their ass.

So that someone may say to them: „I`ve seen you last night on TV!!!“

They don`t mind the fact that they will completly lose their dignity and that they will probably spend their whole life labeled as freaks, sickos, perverts, or however they have presented  themselves to the world.

But nevermind, because the star is born.

To be honest, the „star“ had some… unpleasent feedbacks, because his wife left him after the show, his mother run off crying from the studio, his friends won`t answer his calls and his CEO manager called his boss demanding to fire the idiot first thing tomorrow morning.

While the „star“ is still blinking blankly with the stupid smile on his face. He fucked up his lfe but that information still haven`t arrived to his small brain. The only thing that echoes in his head is „…you`re a star, you`re star, you`re star…look ma`, I`m on the top of the world!“

I really wonder if those idiots heard the moron alarm while they were applying into the show, or at least when they were entering into the studio, to same alarm which would alert them that they are just about to the most stupid thing in their life? Or maybe, the narcissistic dose that they own, is so strong that it practically blinds all that is inteligent and emphatic in them, in the same time forgetting what shame and damage will it bring to themselves and their closed ones?

And let`s not kid ourselves – it doesn`t have anything to do with the money. The money is just an excuse.

And the measuring unit. Of the true fact – how much they appreciate their most valuable: dignity, selfrespect, family and friends.

They are there because they want to be somebody.

Even if that somebody is the biggest idiot in the country.

I don`t belong here.

In the present time.

I have dropped, through some odd channels, in this time and now I am trying to manage. And it`s not like I manage so far.

The thing that really bothers me is intimacy. There is none. I mean, I do have my own but someone else`s are constantly getting in my radius. I knowwhat to do with them when somebody brings it directly to me but what should I do, in this age of communicational wonders, when one of it just flops into my life?

Here`s the thing – I was Facing on Facebook. Just wondering around, answered few messagges, watched a video or two and right when I wanted to leave…boooooom! I read that someone from my family was just left by his „better“ half. I mean freshly left, half an hour ago. And the „better“ half who left is whinning, coursing and shitting right there, on the Face. So very…. from it.

And now what? What I am supposed to do? To call the member of the family front, asking how is she, if she needs anything? And what if she asks me how I know about it, I can`t say „I saw it on Facebook“!?! What kind of approach is this?!?

And why in the devil`s name are people publishing it? What happened with the intimacy of  intimacy? And I don`t understand what should we do with such information, to call – or not call, or to play dumb and deaf in the personal discomfort behind the screen, completly ashamed with our bare presence in such a delicate moment in someone`s life?

Fuck such a reality.

Real people in real time… Right.

Then a thought came to my mind.

It must have been wonderful.

It must have been a paradise.

It must have been truely amazing when people waited for a whole month to get some news. When a love letter was expected with sweet longing for weeks, tapping with feet every morning wating for the mailman… When bad news came with big delay and huge pauses, because no matter how many they were coming, people still had at least some time between each of them to recuperate. When people spoke about this things privately, with a possibility to give and take a simple hug. And comfort.

Back then, you knew that something was said exactly to you, not to the whole world.

Back then, only extremly urgent things have required a super fast notice with the carrier pigeon.

And you felt shitty only when that far-flyer would drop his teret on your head, not like this, when anyone can shit out it`s inward and mess himself, his near ones and the ones that really have nothing to do with it.

Without offering some Kleenex…

General bullshit, that`s what it is.

Facing the twitter…Ha!

What I will do is… Well, I will keep on doing what I did till now – if someone tells me something personally, I will react, if not – nothing.

Above me there`s an attic with few generations of pigeons. Lovely birds, by the way. They may represent peace, love…They can tweet….or shit, if it`s necessary. And they are doing it regardless of others. No hard feelings – they felt it and drop it.

Just there. Just like pigeons. Just like plain common birds. Just like millions of them who can`t see the difference between their private shithole and a public wall.