Tag Archive: sexy


December joys

I love winter. Really, I just adore that sharp promissing cold air which fills you with vivid energy every time you take a breath. I suppose I wouldn`t sing the same song if my homeland would be let`s say Siberia, but how I`m blessed to enjoy all the benifits of a „normal“ climate, yeeeeees I loooove winter. (By the way, just as an interesting fact: this summer I met few tourists from Siberia on the hottest summer day and I realized that they don`t sweat! Really, it looks like that their sweat glands are simply not developed, so I was waiting the whole time if somebody will faint, reminding them all the time to drink the water. Never seen that before ).

 

And I love the fun, the lights, sharp winter Sun, hugging the heaters, the hope, wearing caps and hats (have them in almost all colours and shapes), the Xmas ornaments and almost everything that comes along in December package. Except that brain washing with Xmas tunes in every, but every, shop, mall, fruitstand, tv commercial or even those hyper-Xmas lovers which have it on their cell phones. Where ever you go, what ever you do you`ll be attacked with it. Too much is too much people!… Where were we? Ah, the winter mirths.

Like every year, besides the summer, December is the month when you have tons of parties, concerts and all sorts of events you can think of. Except the Wet t-shirt contests, beach volleyball championships and beach parties in general. (must admit that we tried it few times when we were younger, strongly bealiving that the good vibes will keep us warm but miraculously it didn`t work out as we planned) Anyhow, December means fun.

 

But like every party time, it requires some precaution for those „funny“ things that it may happen, for example:

 

  1. Losing your windshield – two friends of mine found out that somebody have actually stolen their windshield while they were having the time of their life in a club. The funny thing was that they came out wasted, sat in the car and then after driving some 5 minutes they started to scream at each other „Shut your f…… window! It is freezing!!!!“. You can imagine the rest.
  2. Forgetting your spouse at the parking – this actually happened few years ago. A couple was in a middle of a shopping frenzy, trying not to forget all the food for the dinner, the gifts, and everything that comes along. Trying to save the time, they took separate ways, one went to buy the food and the other went searching for perfect gifts. Anyway, He came home, started the check the shopping list „…oil is here, so is the turkey, sugar, …but I still feel I forgot something...“. His wife, that was waiting for hour and a half on the parking lot. It is still funny.
  3. Sending your sexy Xmas edition photo to a complete stranger – no explanation needed. Except if you send it to a family member. Then you will have to explain yourself to the rest of your life.

 

 

There are many, many ways how you can embarras yourself and amuse everyone else during the holidays, but let`s try to keep it under the control and still have fun this year. It is possible. And you don`t need a miracle to make it.

 

I wish you all a happy happy Christmas!

 

Because you and I deserve it, 47.

 

 

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Like first, I`ve got to reveal a crucial information that for some idiotic virus I am spending my days laying, coughing, sneezing and driveling. And, I`m bored. I`m so bored that I tried watching ALL the channels trying to find something which will hold my interest for more than 7 seconds but so far nothing good came out of it. The delight of daily television is consisted of soap-trash from all part of the world, so that the only soap opera I haven`t found is the one about impossible love between a lovely girl from Uzbekistan towards a Kazahstanian shepard. Oh joy…

Anyway, I read the new book and decided that I don`t have anything better to do than to „travel“ through the web. And there….Oh revelation! I found a lovely little article from the group „How to be irresistibly sexy and drive the men completly wild“. Superb. Have you tried it yet? You haven`t? Oooooooh now it`s the perfect time! Go to the mirrow and experience these guaranteed advices. Maestro, drums please!

So, they say that the secret is in body language which you can easily learn. Once you master these skills, you will become the flirting guru followed by a mass of horny studs. Ready? Let`s do it.

 

  1. First you have to lean your head a little. (that will give you the impression of curiosity)
  2. Then you have to open your mouth and leave it that way (that will, so they say, create a truely sensual effect, but don`t exaggerate or you will look like you have facial paralysis)
  3. After that concentrate on your eyes – blink slowly, but even then don`t open it widely but keep your eyes half-opened (ok, here you risk to cry your eyes out, like you are a part of some bad military experiment but….anything for beauty, right?)
  4. To complete the impression, throw out your right hip and your left foot place forward simuntaniously turning your knee towards the inside (here be careful not to crash down and kiss the floor, trying to perform a triple axel because you will lose at least 10 points for the lack of elegance)

 

Theeeeeeeeeeere….

And now look yourself in the mirrow. Fantastic! You look like a true retard! THIS will guarantee you to drive any guy… away, as far as possible.

I just can`t help thinking that they are trying to idiotize us on every step. Including our sexual area.

And really, who is following these things?!? Anyone?

That`s why I seriously reccomend to avoid these „beneficient“ advices. Be who you really are. To paraphrase good old Hemingway – the secret of a charming and sexy woman is in the simple fact that she thinks that she is pretty. Whatever that beauty meant to her. At least then she is relaxed enough that she can think about sex at all and not on somebody`s distorted ideas. And they are twisted and distorted.

 

You are sexy. When you wake up, when you walk, when you talk, when you breath. Period.

 

Severely attacked (and insulted) by a nasty cold. Howcome the daytime television become a synonym for stupidity, I had nothing better to do than to surf upon all grand and small waves of the web. Uuuuuuh and goes what I found – one of the chick sites with all the „guaranteed, bonified and verified“ advices for, quoting „How to drive a man wild“.

Read it, done it and had fun.

So I advice you to do the same, just follow these few simple steps. Ready?

 1.  First lean your head a little to one side (that will, so thay say, send a signal that you are interested)

2, Then open your mouth a little and stay that way (don`t over do it otherwise you`ll look like you have a facial paralises, really don`t want that)

3. Ater that you have to concentrate on your eyes – you have to blink slooooowly but don`t you dare closing it, just leave them half-opened (here you are taking a risk to cry your eyes out like you are involved in some strange new military experiment, but hey – you do want to look sexy, don`t you?)

4. To bring the new look to perfection, throw one hip to the right and your left leg to the front, while in the same time you have to turn your knee towards your right (just be careful not to crash down to the floor otherwise Paula Abdul will spit on you like a llama on a unsuspecting child for the lack of elegance, and you reaaally don`t what THAT)

There.

Done it?

Now look yourself in the mirrow. Fantastic, isn`t it? You look like a real retard! THIS will guarantee you to drive every man wild. The only problem is that he will run wild too, but in the other direction from where you`re standing. But then again, hey you can`t have it all!

Like we have agreed before the secret of the sex appeal is…..to be yourself. Relaxed yourself. I mean, how in the hell you may even think of sex when you are concentrated on your body trying to perform some strange mixture of Jiu-Jitsu, Swan Lake and Thriller dance?!?