Tag Archive: sex toys


There is a guy. A nice almost perfect male individual.

I mean, we all have few faults, and how we have established before, perfection is boring.

Well the almost-perfect-guy was involved with another nice female individual.

For him, she was almost perfect: she took care of him like he was the last man on Earth, she paid attention on his sick mother, she was cleaning for him, washing, cooking like a proper chef at the French restaurant…And sex…Oh sex was incredible! She loved the same things and ways like he did. Lots of toys, wild sex on different places and times, playing roles with various costumes….

He is a proper-damn-I-look-good-slicker while she was somehow…let`s use the phrase uncomely: short, fat, with completly ordinary condone face.

The thing lasted a year, more or less.

Until he met the peacock.

She was gorgeous. I mean, the one that you just have to stare. But… She was a bit shallow. Her only reading material were advices from Cosmo, she was eating only creckers and yoghurt for days always scared that she may possibly get few grammes, pretty social (if you what I mean), spending on close much more than she was making. You know the type. But…she was hot. Damn it, she really was!

So he have completly lost it, left the Goodie but not-so-attractive from the start and went riding to the golden sunset with the Peacock under his hand. Oh he was in love! Like a little kid. Completly drunk from love.

Some 5 months after the Peacock unveiled that she was pregnant. Oh the joy! They got a perfect blond little boy, an angel really. And then….

WAKE UP CALL!!!! Helloooooooooo and smell the coffee!

She is always cranky, always on a diet, very grub and she is a lousy cook. And…he is not her type. He doesn`t earns enough, not for her needs, he`s not macho enough, and he shouldn`t expect that she will fall in live with him. Hm… well. He will still try, he said.

And sex? Cata-fuckin-strophic!

There is no sex. And if it`s there, it is terrible:

– she wants to do it only in the dark

– it must be very slow and very gentle

– it can happen only in the bed

– he has to announce it at least few days before

– before every time they have to shower and chew few mints

– he must never ever use the dirty words and he must reffer to her precious organ with the word „muffin“

…which we all found very funny. Knowing him and his affinities. Can you bealive it, The muffin?!?!?

….So we have suggested a compromise, told him to try to use the following phrases: Let daddy fill s muffin with his juicy vanilla cream,  honey open the evan and take my croissant… Yap, we had few laughs!

He didn`t. But he is beating the monkey every time he can, on all porns he can get. Alone. Because she thinks is disgusting. Rocco Siffredi is his best pal now.

And he whines for the ex Goodie. I bealive that we heard about 3000 times the story of how she dressed once as a nurse and he have nailed her right on the door. With a sad sigh in the end. And how she was wet every time when he touched her. And they would do it right there, not wasting any time. Without the foreplay. Hard.

Ah…

The only thing that is right now is good old Barbra with „Meeeeeeeeeeemoriiiiies……..“;-)

I`m looking at her.

Her name is Roxxxy.

The fuck machine.

And I can`t shake the anguish.

So, for the uninformed, the world of sex and sensual delights have finally  it`s proper representative. Named Roxxxy, this sex robot has 5 „personalities“. You may decide who will you nail today: experienced woman (with 7 years of practice, if I`m not mistaken), a naive girl of „barely 18“, „shy Martha“ or something like it and two more variations. You may even ask her few questions, she also knows something about football and cars. The same second you touch her – she`s ready for penetration, no dinners, no flowers, no chocolate boxes, no flattering, flerting, excusing or wasting time.

No sweat. Wanna fuck and this is it.

For only 9 000 bucks this perfect and everlasting dream may be yours.

And never again you will have to listen:

–         what the hell are you doing?!?

–         are you out of your mind, don`t squeeze it that hard!

–         easy, I`m not the mare!!!

–         I won`t get rid of my vibrator, never!

–         Let me sleep, gotta a bad headache

–         Let`s cuddle first

–         Do you love me? How much?

–         Can`t we try some other way?

–         What is wrong with you? How DARE you to put it THERE?????

Not with her. Oh no! She is ready for everything. Always. Anyway you like it. And you don`t have to try at all, everything you do is perfect. You will be the perfect lover, and she will always scream in ecstasy. Or sigh quietly if you want to. Maybe even cry if that works for ya. (like that Russian Zhirinovski, sick bastard…) Anyhow, she`s got a whole palette of suitable reactions on your poking and pushing. From „Oh yes!“ to „Do me, and do me hard“ ..“ and every damn time you will be amazing erecting you, your pride, joy and delight!

Sooooo… What is exactly bothering me? Like first – alienation.  It`s simple, lazy as they are, soon enough people will be rather choosing some Roxxxy or Coxxxy  (I expect some model for the ladies too) in stead for some human partner, counting how much effort, time and money will they save just to make it worthwhile. Everything will come down to discharge. Without anything. Absolute zero.

Like second, thanks to the frequent usage of sex machine, people will simply forget what it means to be good in bed. Even if you will find some living and breathing person who would like to share her/his juices with you, it will end up as a total coition disaster.

You won`t know who sucks more, you or the other part. You will both be so used to your usual performances that you can forget about the good fuck. Not to mention what will happen to the classical „making love“. The term „bad laid“will rise on undreamt altitudes!

The beauty of human2human sexual (and other) relationships is in exploring, discovering and mutual pleasure. HOW can you enjoy if you know that He/She/IT is programmed to go out of it`s mind whatever and however you do?

I want that I drive someone crazy, that he completly loses it on me, that I am sexy to him because he goes wild on things I do to him, because he discoveres all hot spots on my body, thoughts that turn me on, scenes that blows me out from the orbite and because goes berserk when he sees how hot and willing I am.

I don`t want to enter into the house one day, turn on the system and hear from the speakers „Hello Aqua! Who do you want to fuck today?“

(my sincere apologies to the Microsoft for the dirty and nowise puritanical insinuations)

The good penetration is not buzzardation.