Tag Archive: romance


You`ve found yourself a new man.

You˛re good together, everything goes smothly and you feel fine. But after a certain time you will probably hear this question: how many guys did you had before me?

Hm….. Well, let`s seeee….

If you`re really naive, and crazy about him, and you are convinced that you two shouldn`t have secrets between you, because this is the greatest love story in the history…you will tell him the truth. Aaaaaaaand….. he will flip! Completly! He will fall apart in one million pieces. From that gentle self-confident guy he will transform into a burning jello.

Because THAT was not what he was expecting to hear. In that second, when you say it, through his head will pass a respectable selection of hard porns of you and all your ex-s, how they fuck you hard and you are screaming in indescridable pleasure.

What he really wanted to hear is a pitifully small number, followed by your comment that they weren`t something anyway. And that nobody fucked you like he did. Because he is definitely the best.

The whole drama with sluts and saints is about male insecurity. The „sluts“ have some experience and they surely know if he is good in bed or not. And how much he sucks, if he does. Have in mind that he wants to be great. Always. To every woman.

And don`t even bother, after the confession, to explain that according to you the experience is a good thing.  That you are glad that he also had a number of partners because that makes you sexually compatible. He doesn`t hears you anymore.

The only sounds in his head are your wild moaning provoced by the hyper-potent ex-s, exchanging with the slides of Roman orgies with you as the main star. From His beloved Sweety you have metamorphosed into Somebody else`s Jezebel.

And this, my friends, is the reason for male virgin fascination. They don`t know if he is and how bad he is in the bed. They can`t compare it and he automatically becomes a great lover. Which will overflow his ego like the Mississippi in 1927.

So be smart. When he pops that question, stay cool. Think about it and give an acceptable answer. The one he can swallow, don`t try the „Bur darling, you`re the first“. It ain`t gonna work. Give him the one after which everything will stay fine, like it was before it.

And repeat it to all the guys after him:-)

That is, if you want a long-term relationship.

(after all, you don`t really think that he tells YOU everything, don`t you?)

Long, long time ago, long before our time, the courtship rules were very clear. For example, the ladies had dance cards on which the interested male representatives could write down their names with which they would express their unambiguous interest for a certain female soul. And they had no dilemma.

Now, the situation is far more perplexed. Say that you like a certain male individual for some time now. You`re looking at him and he, sometimes, looks at you. After few eons, you actually interchange few words. And there you decide that he is not just hot, but also funny. Like a true and proper gal, you already start to project flashes of your pink and peachy future: two of you taking a walk in the sunset, with bumblebees buzzing around you, happy sparrows above you, and you… you are laughing happiliy… he brings you flowers and you kiss him in return with tears in your eyes, then you lick the strawberry icecream together…then you buy a condom with banana flavour…then he licks you only… You know, idyll.

And than one day….beep…beep…beep…WAKE UP CALL!

From a friend of yours you hear this words:

You know…I don`t think that he is…hm…right for you...“ – says him peskily

How do you mean?“ – you ask vexedly

Well…. I think he`s gay….“

And… the music stops. With all those butterflies and bees dropping to the floor and the birds flying away.

What?!? How do you mean gay? No, no, no, gay is not ok! How can he be gay?!?!?

And then the friend starts talking, how in all those years that he knows him, nobody actually ever saw him with a girl. Which is really strange because the guy is incredibly hot… Right, he is well educated, and funny, and sympathetic but somehow just too subtile. On all your and others flirting in the past few years, he always responded kindly but distanced… Hm…Right, this is it, he is gay! How you couldn`t see that???

Damn!…And you give up.

You can`t fight the nature forces, can you!

But then, few months after it, one day walking down the street you bump into him. And gues what is he holding in his hand? Not a bag, not a dog but a woman`s hand with a belonging body (and a pretty one too). Ha! You didn`t see that one coming, didn`t you? Sooooo, Mister I-would-do-you-and-maybe-your-brother-too is not gay after all! And again, ha! Son of the…

What the hell happened? Hooooooow you could made a mistake like THAT?

There are only 2 solutions:

– or the guy has too much integrity and he just wouldn`t be with anyone,  unless he really really likes her, which sounds somehow fantastic, because it blows down the theory that a guy will score, even with his eyes closed, just because he can

– or he`s got a particular sense for beauty and sex appeal (for example, I know a guy who thinks that Olympia Snow is pretty hot. He is into her and you can`t do a thing about it)

So, what do you do? How can you really tell if you really have something, if you really click or not? And how in the name of God you may know if he plays for your team?!?

The answer is… feel it. No really, you should feel it. When two individuals of the opposite sex meet – there is always a certain tension in the air. Don`t ignore it. This is how you can tell.

(I remember a cousin of my ex, a tough guy, heavy metal fan, all pierced up, with about 1000 tatoos on him. When I said to my ex that he is gay, he just laughed about it… but then, after few years, the heavy metal wrecker exposed his Cher side to the world. Everyone were shocked. But I know when we met, that there was nothing, the air between us was… tepid. He didn`t emit anything)

So, the messagge is – listen to yourself. Always. Ignore the learned and listen your heart.

Or you may just say- spit it out, Nancy! Yes or no?!?

 

We sung last night, Iggy and I…. No fun to be alone… And somehow we synced. With the rythm and general condition. Without the applause of the crowd went wild. Just the two of us.

Then I replaced the heartbreaking atmosphere with a social glass of wine, offered by a friend. Logical as he is, he didn`t saw any downers, just a win-win situation. Fuck it, wrong audience!

Somehow we started talking about a guy we both know. They call him The Magician.

He replaced the cylinder hat with black Doc Martens and the rabbits with pure sex. Must emphasize that the guy is far from the general apprehension of attractiveness or hotness but he scores. Oh, he scores bigtime! And the ones he scores ARE pretty and really hot!

He`s not tall, acually he is quite short, not goodlooking, not rich. But his score is just fantastic. Sweet young peaches, older broads, married ones, ordinary ones, truely and really hot ones – all his.

The question is how?

Why him, howcome not somebody else, someone far more hotter, gets his piece of action so much sparsely?

Then I had an an epiphany – go with the flow. That`s it!

The thing is… he`s got an excellent style. And a very refreshing one. You just don`t feel any burden with him. He is always sunny, on a silent and gentle way. He doesn`t have any, so commonly met, peacock excesses, when a guy boasts and shows of. Men, when they try to impress a woman, so often exaggerate with wittiness, narcissistic performances, their importance in this world, their relevance at work, among his friends… You always get a „look at me!“ modus operandi.

But not with the Magician. With him, you can expect just absolute cosiness. He doesn`t harass you or disturb you, his compliments are always friendly never ambiguous…He always glides by the woman, following her rythm and needs.

No always means no.

He is patient and tactful, always pleasant, never ever agressive. He doesn`t protrudes, preaches, moans, complains, he always gives a feeling to the woman that it is all about her. On his calm and smiling way.

That`s it. No mince, no Oscar nomination, just slow and easy sliding.

And damn, he`s good at it!