Tag Archive: romance


That was the exact messagge that a friend of mine got to her cell the other day. Incredible but true. It`s poetic and sensitive author is still unknown. Fortunatelly. Hoping that he will remain the mistery…Unbealivable.

We loughed about it but then the other friend asked „No really, why is it so complicated? You know, to get some.“. Hm… Actually,  it IS complicated.

For example, watching and the listening the frustration of one of my she-buddies last Saturday, let`s call her Maya, that „light sex“ is a highly complicated operation which requires several years of trainning and a master`s degree. Anyway, Maya discovered a guy close to the bar.  At first he was standing alone but after some 10 minutes or so, he was granted with a female company. Which was his…friend? Girlfriend? Wife? Sister? Neighbour? Cousin?!?!? Hell, she could be anything! She was leaning on him every now and then, but we weren`t sure if it was for the loud music, affection or for something completly different. So, Maya started to observe his body language. He was…he was…looking at her, every now and then, but most of the time he was staring into a nice small spot in the wall. Is he shy? Not interested? Gay? Drunk? Or just stupid?!?

Wanna know how the epopee finished? After almost two hours of blinking, dashing, smiling and God-knows-what, she gave up. Walked away mad as a dog.

What she was supposed to do, she asked, send a memo?!?

It would be much easier if we could just sniff each other`s butt, like dogs,  and automaticaly know – in or out. Like me or like me not. Some time ago, one company have actually started to sell parfumes with pheromones convincing the people that it really works. According to them, all you have to do is just to spray yourself with it and you will get them all. Opposite sex, same sex, dogs, flies, giraffes and penguins. No matter how you look, if you`re dumb as a log, irritating as a brasilian killer bee, with pheromon spray everything is easy peasy. Which turned out to be total bullshit. Obviesly.

But sex is a powerful marketing agent, it can sell you almost anything. Making you forget one simple thing – it`s about you. And how much, and if, another person is attracted to you.

If somebody is into you, he will show it. He may be shy, he may be totally gooffy, the one that trips and falls every 5 minutes, he may be cocky, arrogant and selfabsord, but he or she will show it. He or she will find the way. And you will know it. There is no room for doubts.

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This is the exact way how the story was brought to me, and now I am giving it to you….

There`s a guy. Actually, a representative of a certain type of the man. He is the walking nightmare for the majority of the male sex.

He is The One.

The Chosen One…

His name is Patrick. He is 38. French or Canadian, he is speaking with a hard French accent. Which sounds so….damn good! He is 6`4, his face is slightly peaked, with a dominant chin and a strong jaw. His body is tense and muscular, but not too much. Just about that, when you touch it, the hand may send to the brain informations about a living rock. That perfect body, so tough and firm, has a history. Le Patrick is a free climber. When his strong hands pry every curve on the rock, his mind is sharpened. In that moment, he can devote to his hidden passion-philosophy.

There is something magnificent in his climbing style. Especially when he takes of the shirt and lets the small drops of sweat to shimmer on a tight surface of his skin…And glide on his back, without any thought of doubt or insecurity. He knows. And may.

His moves are slow and silent. His face has a mysterious smile, always ready for a conversation. He is full of understanding and always in a good mood. Turbo friendly towards the whole universe, he has enough strenght to bare every challenge. And to reward all it`s participants….

Die bastard, die!!!

Damn you!

Damn the Patrick and all his representatives!

Why? Because there is no woman which will resist him! Because all the other men, compared to him, are assholes!

Because Le Patrick will never fell asleep whith a dry dick! Because however you may work and try around some hottie, she will melt like a fine jello and pour over Le Patrick`s figure and leave the guy with who she was before him. Without a simple goodbye.

Because when HE shows up, there isn`t a thing which a normal, ordinary guy may say or do, not to become totally insignificant, dull, boring and stupid. Because HE is quite ok, friendly and correct towards all those ordinary guys, not giving them a good reason to punch him right in the face!

Because He is The Chosen One.

Every chick will choose Him. No Regular Joe doesn`t have a chance while He is around. They are all His. Drooling, blinking, giggling on every His word watching Him with admiration.

Which leaves Regular Joe all alone on the bar, sipping his lonely drink. Because he doesn`t exist any more. Not a trace. His presence and prevalence are irreversibly erased….

I do hope that the story is funny to you how it was to me. They told me the story with such a passion and bitterness that I was loughing out loud all the time while they were telling it!!Imagine what is bothering them! Le Patrick! Some fictitious guy in their head which they admire and hate!

A secret nightmare for which they loath every guy with a stronger chin, free climbing and foreign accents. Leaving them to live in fear deep down.

For some Le Patrick which may show up on their, always unsecured, territory!

Just too damn funny. And then they say that women are dramatic and insecure…Ha!

 

How to be outrageosly rich?

How to fuck 1450 chicks in one year and become rich?

How to become incredibly happy and rich, of course?

In our age, the postmodern neurotic period, we have like tons of selfhelp books in every corner. Some of them are actually good but the majority are total trash. The sad thing about it is the fact that on the wings of consumerism, selfishness and self-pity on which we are flying, we are looking for turbofast and hypereasy solutions which will bring us to a general bliss, with minimal effort. And of course, that book also must have a part where it`s author is convincing us how we are actually wonderful but the others just don`t see it. But they will, after the author`s secret advice. Sure.

Why am I bothered with it? Because of the conversation I had the other day. Here it is.

She: „Will you take me to the library?“

Me:“?!? I have to take you? Why?“

She: „Because I need a book, and you are the only one that I know, that does things like this. Goes to the library and borrows books. You know, really reads.

(Here I felt like a leper, like a total freak, a weirdo. I`ve become „the-one-who- goes-to-library-and-really-reads“. What will my neighbours think? I will be socially excommunicated!)

Me:And what book do you need?“

She: „How to have a really good fight, or something“.

Mazel tov!

The thing is that she and her man are constanly fighting. 24-7. Waking up, you son of the bitch, dressing, you idiot, going to work, why are you late you moron, coming home, where`s my lunch stupid, afternoon chilling, I can`t stand you, watching tv, you heartless bitch…. A true idyll.

And from all the things in the world, all moves, solutions – they want a selfhelp book named How-to-have-a-really-good-fight. They don`t remember when they talked normally last time or when they spent an hour in pleasant silence. But they do want the fightings to continue on completely another level.

The thing is that they are appropriately deaf. Enjoying in their own voices that much, and not having a clue that, just maybe, the other side has some rights and needs too. So they scream. All the time. And now, with the help of the good book, they will have the possibility to throw in some quotations too like: „No, no,no, you jerk! On the page 47 it says that….“.

You get the picture.

I, on the other hand, am waiting for another book to come out – „38 things on which you may conclude that you are a selfish manipulative child and for which you may bitch slap yourself“.

Till then, it looks I will take others on a library tour. I have the license.

Helping them to find the way for their desired destination, Selfishville.