Tag Archive: realtionships


Rent a life

Let`s put it this way – you are single.

No husband, no kids, no serious relationships. Doesn`t matter why.

But what it does matter is: do you have your life?

Do you exist as a trashcan or as a full package individual?

Definition of the Trashcan:

– family and friends are calling you frequently but mostly, not for pleasantly spent time, but because they need something. Which means that your free time is consisted of running around for them and helping the „needy“. And they often need something. Because they have obligations and problems. Oh really?

You, who are single by definition, in their eyes, have so much time, you don`t have some serious shit going on, that`s why you are not so tired like they are, and therefore you have to be available.

The result? Your social life is on moribund. But the „needy“ are your close ones, so you can`t refuse them. And for all that „I am here for you“ attitude you feel important and needed.

Definition of the Full package individual:

– full package individual exists for itself. Which means that it`s life is fulfilled with personal obligations and passions, family gatherings and consultations are done at maximum twice a month, which applies for that needy friends too, the ones that are calling not just to help and support them, but because they feel lucky and satisfied to share their best with it. The time of Full package individual is it`s own, and it`s own only.

It is going out, it mingles, it has hobbies and it takes good care of itself.

Why the „Trash can“?

Because they are filling you with all their personal trash. Which makes them feel better. And that gives you the feeling of importance. And engaged into the Life.

All their messes, their shits, their joys, you are experiencing deeply emotional. Because this feels like the part of your life.

Well guess again.

THAT is not your life. Because, practically you don`t have one. You are vegetating, plugged to the life support. And to somebody else`s life support, not your own.

They have chosen the life that they are living, with all the obligations, problems, ups and downs, so let them take care of it. Let them manage it, swimm, dive or surf it. Because this, what they do to you, and what you permit to yourself, is not ok. It is just wrong.

Selfishness may have various faces and it`s not necessarily negative.

Because, face it, the things they want from you are very selfish. Even scornful. For now, your personal life is so less important that their`s. And with it, you as a person too.

So, what you should do?

Tell them to go to hell. Yes, they will be offended, possibbly angry, at first (remember . you are the one who teached them that this kind of behavior is OK) but with time – they will accept it. And you won`t be „parasiting“ on other`s lives no more. Because this is exactly what you have been doing.

Instead, turn to yourself. This is what it really matters. Instead of driving your aunts, someone else`s children, dogs, cats and grasshoppers, choose a drink or cup of coffee with somebody pleasent, a nice movie or just dance byself in your living room.

Then you won`t no longer ask yourself why are you feeling so miserable, why you feel exhausted and worn-out, and why are your sitting alone in front of TV when the night comes. And you won`t banging your head with the question „why I am feeling so down when everyone tells me that I am sooooo lucky?“. You won`t feel unsatisfied, nervuos and frustrated. But fulfilled, calm and alive.

So, here is a short message: get a life.

Your own.

Because you deserve it.

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For the last few days I`ve heard about several break ups.

Personally, I congratulate everyone on the occasion because that someone has learned something about himself, about relationships in general and because that someone has given himself a chance for a nice new beginning.

Good for you!

Pop that bottle!

But what about the ones who haven`t took anything from it?

And I don`t mean on I-got-the car-you-got-the-dog but on the personal upgrade. What about them? When someone tells you that his ex have cruely suddenly broke up something which he/she thought it was a certain thing and for no reason at all? Then, we usually presume that this cruel ex one has to be a total jerk/bitch and complete human trash. But is it really so?

Have a similar case, from few years time.

He called crying that She left him. Without any explanations at all, she just packed her things and slammed the door. How could she??? After all that time?!? After everything??? They were together for so long, everything was ok, they had plans…

And for that, all their friends have concluded that they are almost obligated to attach to the heartless girl about a dozen deragotary epithets. Nobody, only if it`s a total moron or have found somebody new, is leaving and breaking a good solid relationship for no reason at all.

And so, time flew by, and after few months I run into The Ex. We exchanged the usual How-re-you-how˙s-work-mother-dog phrases and then we went for a coffee. Wanting it or not, somehow we started to talk about her ex, formerly known as The Shocked and Left Behind For No Reason. And… she had something to say. And how!

Oh everything looked perfectly between them…. from the outside. But on the inside it was a different story.

After exchanging the big words in the beginning, everything got down to the fact that he wanted all attention and understanding in the world but in the same time not giving any. He have probably presumed that he took the territory and therefore he doesn`t have to try anymore.

If they had any plans, he would discharge them without any thought – if his friends would call for a drink he just grabbed the keys and left, because he knew that she will wait.

When they haven`t been intimate for weeks, for example, he didn`t worry about it. He had his own buzz at the time, for which he didn`t felt he had to explain it and for the fact that he doesn`t even treats her like a woman but as a relative – he didn`t bother. Didn`t have time for that now.

She will always be here, no matter what. He doesn`t have to compliment her – doh, she knows how she looks like, if he changed a plan that they made – how she can be mad, they will be together all their lives, there is always time….How she can get so pissed about it?!?

How? Because he haven`t won her on a lottery, he doesn`t owns her, so that he can dispose with her time, wishes and needs! She just won`t always be here this way..

So she left. She got tired explaining hundreds of times things that he won`t see or hear. Too much is too much. And she was gone. Bye bye!

Leaving him in shock and disbeleif. What a „bitch“! How could she?!?

The worst part is that he have never asked himself if He have done something wrong. So that he can actually learn something from it, that his next relationship wouldn`t end in the same way.

But noooooooooo, there he is now, in the fresh relationship, complaining again that his new partner is unreasonble. Even gets insulted if she, or somebody else, tells him something. He is perfect! He doesn`t cheat, beats her up, has serious intentions… what is her problem?!?

The problem is that he takes her for granted. Like he did before.

Which, by now, he had to learn. But he didn`t.

That way the break up would hurt him but after it he would rise as a new better man.

Not as a bitter spoiled creature, finding every excuse in the world to avoid the facing.

Not to the ex but to himself.

Now, we are all waiting how long will it take until the Present one decides she had enough.

The bets are open.

At least this way someone will get something from it!