Tag Archive: men


I`m worried.

Seriously. For me and for my enviroment.

 

After waking up at 3 am this morning, for the persistent cough which brought out the best me, (meaning: didn`t want to wake up my best half with my sudden urge to express myself coughally, I went altruistically to the living room), making myself a cup of coffee (ok, 2 of them), getting incredibly bored (clicked and red everything I could think of) I started to think. I truly did.

And I came up with a conclusion that I don`t talk about sex with anyone! And what is worse, none of my friends are talking about sex either! No sex! Anywhere!

 

What the hell?!?

The sex is gone!

How can it be missing? We are all doing it, more or less, but we never ever talk about it. Like it have become a taboo. Like we have joined some orthodox puritanical sect called „Victorian is the way to go“ where „the thing“ is totally erased as a completely non grata issue. And again, what the hell?!?

When I think of it, last time I heard about it, few months ago, one of my single friends was mentioning something about how she done it with …hm…someone who was not in the picture for too long. And that`s it. As far as I know, nobody is doing it.

Yes, we chat, but I know everything, every damn detail about someone`s health (bowel movements, sinuses, ovaries…you name it), their family issues, absolutely everything about their jobs and daily routine, when they woke up, how they woke up, how was the coffee…but sex? None!

Then I started to think, maybe I am just too old, maybe people after certain 30s just don`t talk about it, but I concluded that it just can`t be it. The present situation is that nobody is bragging and no one is complaining neither. Which is not good. A-a. No good at all.

 

And I can`t just start a conversation with a „Sooooo…getting any…..ha?“ Or invite someone over for a cup of coffee (and cookies, don`t forget the cookies), put a cd and start singing „You lost that looooovin` feeling… woooooooooaaaah“. No, that`s not a solution.

The truth is that these conversations where actually making me happy. Why? Because sex is important, sex is joyful, you can always learn something, it can make you lough, it can make you more intimate with someone (you know what I mean, talking about it, not the… ) and for crying out loud, it is a normal thing for grown-ups! We`re not 7 any more!

 

So, this is it. I don`t want to consider sex a dead issue any more. I`m starting a sexual conversational revival. Today.

(wish me luck, somehow I feel I`m gonna need it, with this recession, depression and other essions around….)

 

Because I deserve it, 34.

Photo by Americangoulash.

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Once upon a time there was a little girl. As the time passed by, the girl grew up and become a woman. That is, she sure looked like one: she was tall, had a nice hair that she brushed entirely by herself, she had a job, her place to stay… all the grown up stuff. But the thing she didn`t have is a stable grown up relationship.

Hm…now that`s tough, her mother thought. „When you are going to find a decent  man?“ – she asked often, smudging the woman with that amiable varnish of expectation and guilt. And how mothers often do, she didn`t stop there: „Oh! Jenny, remember, Jim`s and Joan`s doughter, just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! And Stella, the one across the street, just got married for a lawyer! Ain`t that just great?!?“.  

Well, yippeeeeeee!

The grown up girl knew that she had a problem. It`s not that she didn`t want someone „decent“ it`s just that, somehow, it never worked with anyone. She tried and tried, got hurt, got scared, got bored, got physically satisfied, got frustrated, got angry but never got happy and calm. Finally, after all those years she started asking one question to herself – is it me?

The answer is – yes.

It is you, honey. And the only thing that is „wrong“ with you is that you`re scared. Why? Well, that`s an easy one!

Try to remember how many times during the years have you heard the sentence „Men are great!“? C`mon try it! Nothing? Try harder…Still nothing? Hm…

And know try the easy one – how many times have you heard the opposite? Aha. How many times have you heard it this week? This month? What about this year? Oh, that much.. And how many stories you heard showing it?…Hm…

Get the picture?

And then how in the world do you expect that you will enter in it with your hands and heart opened? You know, the parts that are actually required for a decent relationship. The parts you want form the other person too. That parts that you require also.

All jokes aside, but have you ever thought about all those scary things and „facts“ that they  told us when we were growing up? We heard it from out parents and our friends, which are now actually expecting that we have a „proper“ relationship. A marriage too, the one that it will last.

But nobody thinks that you got actually and deeply scared. Hell, they done such a  good job that you have already started to pick men for which you KNOW you won`t stay with. The ones that even on the very beginning you see that you really don`t have too much in common, so you decide to give it a shot knowing deep inside that it will be over. Because that way you are sure – men are everything they told you they will be. No surprises here.

 

So you wander around like Dorothy Gale (and gale you are, blowing away all the good things) searching for the one who will take you home (you know, that loving, safe and warm place) but scared as hell of all that lions, tigers, bears and what not. And why? Because you got the instructions. All the clarifications, interpretations and illustrations, teaching you to ski then buying you a ticket for a public swimming pool. And hoping that no harm will come out of it.

 

Click your heels Dorothy, and come home. Here men are sometimes sweet, often fun and always alive. Like you are. There are no smokey wizards, no made up animals or special effects. Just you and the whole shiny real world. Enjoy it.

 

Because you deserve it 25.

 

 

 

 

 

Damn Facebook. Beside all those silly informations that you get, like when someone woke up today, what did he/she have for lunch, I must also find out who is badly missing sex. Like I care. Like anyone does.

…but thinking about the known and unknown which publish on their wall things like „ha ha ha if only someone would do me“ or „I can`t wait to get it“, besides the gastrointestinal troubles, it have brought me straight down to some other fact: that types like that are actually rarely getting any.

The brief – excessive verbalism of sexuality leads to it`s exclusion.

Statement of grounds – some women, and men,when they hit their middle age (which come galopping, by the way) become insecure and for that reason they reach for extreme vulgarity when expressing sexuality.

Practical example: few years ago, I was working with an hm…lady (?!?), ok woman, for  which I still occasionally blush when I think of her. From that whole on her face called mouth were flying out such vulgarities that I, intonating I, was left speachless. And it`s not like I don`t swear. But with her I was feeling like a 13 year old girl which vexedly observes how her tities grow. You know the feeling.

Anyway, her expressions like „bite my c**t“ were actually very balmy and civilized from her point of view…And it`s not just the matter of personal culture of behavior. When you mix it with the feeling of reduced attraction to the opposite sex, you get a devastating cocktail that can be swallowed only by truck drivers.

The interesting thing is that the same type is often nagging how the opposite sex is, quoting „f***** up, they will only **** you then leave you“. Hm…oh really? What the hell did you expect?!? For crying out load, what were you thinking? And I don`t want hear those grand  speaches about emancipation, freedom and equality. It is simple, when you start with the conversation with „Sooooooo…who big it is?“ don`t expect that he will talk about his mother`s cookies and the height of the hedge of your future house!

Also, if you try this with the regular Joe and he backs off, or runs away, that doesn`t means that he is „totally gay“ because he doesn`t want to have anything with you again.

Get it already: if you act trashy, this is exactly how he is going to respond – he will dump you. Plain and simple.

 

The person for which I`m writting this didn`t have sex for some time now. Long time. She is in her late 30s, educated, quite attractive but she is always using sexual allusions talking to a man. The thing is that even if she gets a positive response, it is always coming from some neanderthal which is convinced to be the greatest stud who ever walked on Earth and functions by the laws of the Holy trinity: F******-Gorging-Sleeping.  And that, she doesn`t want. So deduces that all men are scum.

The thing that is missing to these women is simple: men WOULD. Fact of life. And because of it, there is no need to use that kind of amount of sex in the conversation. Playing cat and mouse can be more erotic, especially if you want something more.

But if you don`t – then don`t play around with the „Ho ho ho“ messages like a drunk Santa but take him by the hand and **** his brains out. And during THAT action THEN talk dirty to him. Knock yourself out!

Otherwise, zip it. To use the immortal words of Elvis – you ain`t nothin but a hound dog, cryin all the time.

That will do (you, him and the whole situation).

 

Because you deserve it, volume 24.