Tag Archive: marriage


Isn`t it beautiful when people fall in love? You remember, the butterflies in your stomach, the sparkling energy which you generate like a smaller nuclear plant, the joy you want to share with the whole world. And of course, the changes you make to yourself – taking more care of your appearance and even polishing your little possible flaws. You know, like saying you absolutely love how your chosen one enjoys football. Everything just to be more likable to the object of your infatuation.

And like they say, it is all fair in love and war. Well, at least until that love really grows into a war.

Robert was a fairly reasonable guy, but 10 years ago he met Diane and deeply fell in love. The feeling was so strong that he couldn`t wait to marry her. She was the one, the perfect one for him. So only 5 months after, they organized a small ceremony and exchanged the rings in front of the family and close friends.

But what Robert didn`t expect is that his loving Diane has also brushed her character flaws and interests. Just like he did in the beginning. Time was passing by slowly, discovering how different they really were. He really enjoyed in martial arts, becoming a real sensei as the years passed by, and she hated the physical activity so much that his enthusiasm made her hate herself. He enjoyed literacy so much that he started to write himself, while she spent her time watching the soap operas every afternoon. Robert adores children and started to feel quite unhappy realizing that Diane wouldn`t even think of having them. While his spiritual side is something he cares about, Robert led his life just trying to be a good person, but without visiting the God`s house. Diane, on the other side, found that she liked going to church a few times a week. And resented him for not going with her. The list goes on and on.

So they decided to split. For good. Before the hate becomes their only mutual connection.
All this time, the whole 10 years, Robert hasn`t said a single ugly word about Diane or their life. Not to her, not to anyone else. His parents thought him that being a good man means also to be kind and civilized and to always defend your family. And for long ten years, Diane was his family.
A month ago, my phone rung. I answered and heard:

„I did it! I finally did it!”, Robert yelled on the other side. „The marriage is over, we signed the papers and I said it!”

„Said what?”, I asked, completely confused.

„I said: Diane, %#& you! Did you hear? %#& you, Diane!”, he shouted.

„Ahm, I`m sorry, what? What`s the big deal?”

„Because now I can finally say what I feel!”

As it turned out, through all those long years, he never came even close to say what he really thinks or feels. He didn`t allow himself to do it. When I asked why he kept quiet, he said that it wasn`t appropriate. To swear in front of his own wife. Because, according to him, he didn`t want to hurt her feelings. Like the divorce wouldn`t.

We are talking about the freedom of speech, but forget to take that right in our own intimate universes. It is important to say it, to express our feelings and elaborate our stands. Even if it`s a bad and ugly word.

So take that right. Say it. Just let it out. Maybe it`s not appropriate all the time, but sometimes that one word means freedom. For your close ones and for yourself. And maybe that ugly word will give the future to your whole life story.

Because you deserve it, dammit, vol.197.

from the bottom of the heart

 

 

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We all know stories about arranged marriages when the family find the perfect spouse. And yes, we think it’s weird, unfair, ridiculous and humiliating. But what if the future bride arranges her own marriage?

She was 32, fairly good-looking, independent, willful and above all – sick and tired of dating. You know the drill: trying to look your best, to please, compromise, be tolerant, patient, interesting, funny, will-he-call-should-I-call-him-and-how-long-should-I-wait, hell, the whole popular package. Our heroine had really enough of it. So she decided that it’s about damn time that she gets married and leave the whole complicated dating scene. For good.

So she picks a guy, someone she’s been told that he is a good and reliable man, checks his Facebook page and… simply sends him a message. Something completely ordinary like: “Hi there! Would like to go out for a drink?”. He responds, they meet, she’s not pushy or complicated and then offers him to take another drink next week. He agrees, she seems like a pleasant person. The week after that they went on a simple dinner, then on a weekend out of town and before you know it, 3 months later, they started to live together. After 9 months she calls telling that they are engaged to be married. Just like that.

Through all that time, we’re all been baffled – how in the world you can just decide to get married for a guy you don’t even know, before you spent one day with him? Then she simply said: “Look, I knew what I want – a good, peaceful life with a nice man. And he is a nice man, so what’s not to love? I love him, our life together and our days to come. In the end, it’s simple, really, you love what you choose and I have chosen to be happy. Yes, I could chase rainbows for years, but a quiet happiness is what I really need.”

And she did it. She actually did it. Married the guy, had a son, and they are still living happily ever after. Because that’s what she decided, to be happy on her own terms.

You know what, after all those love shipwrecks, I can honestly say that she deserves every dash of joy she can get.

After all, don’t we all?

Because we deserve it, vol. Husbands choosing187.

When he met her she seemed like the sweetest thing. So caring and loving, full of compassion and understanding for everyone, a little emotional, yes, but all in all a wonderful creature. They married and she was possibly the greatest wife ever.

And then the baby arrived.

The little bundle of joy made him incredibly happy. He couldn’t wait to get back home from work just to see his precious little girl.  But as the time passed it turned out that this was his primary role – to watch the baby. Literally. No picking up or such nonsense because according to his dear wife, he wasn’t doing it right, he could drop the baby, that was not the proper way to change the diapers, she said, turn off the TV because it’s bad for the little one, she hissed. And the things went on and on.

The first year passed, then the second. Mommy dearest turned into Momzilla. All that hissing and biting spread on other people. Almost all the people. She started writing long angry posts on the social networks about anything that she couldn’t stand and it was all connected to their little girl. She was angry at people on the street because they were talking too loud when she took her little one on a walk. She had a fight with every neighbor in their building because she suspected one is smoking in his flat, the second was cooking something she could smell, the other was listening the music the baby could hear, and the list could go on and on. Nobody could visit them in their apartment because they were all annoying and not good for their daughter. In the meanwhile, the little girl continued to grow and started to become, well, to put it simply, a spoiled brat. That kind of a child that must always be the center of the universe, that won’t allow any adult to actually say the whole sentence without her screaming, yelling or throwing things just to get attention. Because everyone all the time must be listening what she had to say. All must be listening to her. Like her mother does.

As the time passed, the husband started to become quieter. He was still adoring his little one but from a distance. Because this was the only way he was allowed. He was sad and as the years come by, ashamed. Because of his wife behavior. Because of that mean, harsh and vicious woman she has become. And afraid that his little one is starting to grow into the same type as her momma. So he tried to talk with his once lovely wife, but then he discovered the hell’s fury. Her family tried to put some sense into it, but she furiously chased them away. Their friends tried a gentle approach and she spilled all her wrath on them.

And finally, she became bitter. Because from her point of view people were horrible, selfish, they betrayed her,  and she was just trying to raise her child. Not realizing that she is the mother source for all that misery.

Love is grand. Love is beautiful. Love can exist in so many ways and transform into most incredible shapes. But only if we respect it. And the people who are giving it.

Because we all deserve it, 177. Momzilla