Tag Archive: loving


I`m here in Dalmatia. Working. Clients sent us to make traveloques (lovely word) starting from upnorth to to end of it. And if I may say, it is pretty exhausting. Oh, I love the old castles, palaces, roman ruins, friendly people, stunning islands, clear sea and good food but…Let me say this clearly : I am an urban brat! If I want one small decaf, then I like to get it! And I like wide, open roads. You know, the ones with at least a possibility for 2 cars driving by?

OK, let me start from the beginning.

The client wanted to photograph and describe almost every place you may find on the map, which include some of the…the…the..smallest and strangest places you can imagine. Forget the decaf, forget the shops, forget everything BUT what we all need is a decent road to get there, right? Well, some of the places are actually invented to test your faith. Seriously. Imagine a 7 feet wide road for both directions coming down around the mountain for several miles, where from your right side is a solid rock high at least 10 feet high and on your left there are, all the way down, a 150 feet high, and more, cliffs. Without a fence. Any type of fence.

Lost your touch in Jesus? Buddha? Alah maybe? Well, now is the best time to restore it! Start praying people! And do it fast. I couldn`t bealive it!

No wonder there are only few houses in that bay, WHO would want to pass through this experience every day?!?

Oh, but maybe that`s just me, because my Loving one was overwhelmed by this leniency saying „Aaaah! Yes, I could spend a holiday here. Yeeeees, sun, sea and a book!“. A book? A book?!? To spend a vacation here, I would need a whole freakin` library!!! Including the entire opus of Louise Hay, Robin Sharma and  Deepak Chopra just to gather enough courage to get back up there.

THAT`S something I want to forget. As soon as I can.

Then the flags. Croatian flags. You can see it everywhere: on the city streets, on churches, on private homes. At first I thought that maybe it`s a national holiday but then I realized that the traces of war are still very alive in people`s mind and hearts. And we have also passed through the zone which is still mined. Not a pleasent feeling.

That I want to forget too.

Oh but I was in Zadar last night. Absolutely beautiful. The Roman forum, St.Donat`s church, Anastasia`s church, Kalelarga street…..

And there is something you can see only here: Sea organ and Greeting to the sun.

Greeting to the sun is a large round circle of changing lights, in all colours. It made me feel like a child:-) Really, you are standing there and all this textures and colours are passing under you and travel into high skies, lifting your joy with it. (now you see what I do for living)

Sea organ is the most beautiful creative thing I ever heard of. Basically, under the stairs, which are kissed by the sea, there are 35 pipes which, as the waves hit the coast, produce incredible ever changing melodies. These are the most natural and soothing sounds that I have ever heard. I could sit on that stairs forever.

That I won`t forget. Hell, I recorded it on my cell!

Anyhow, I will keep you informed how the adventure is going. That is, if I don`t forget:-)))))

As a present, giving you one of the photographs that my dear and only one have made, the Greeting to the sun . Enjoy it.

(And no, you can`t see me on this picture. That`s the privilege of being a professional photographer`s best half – you don`t have any decent picture of yourself.)

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Marrrrrrrriage. Sounds scary sometimes.

But if something is even more scarier, that is the divorce. And it`s consequences. But now, not to wake the awful dark demons, we will fast forward a little bit. Into the period when the divorce is already far far gone. At least it should be.

Regarding it, there`s a one tiny winy detail that I`m bothered with: why some women keep their old husband`s last name?

For example, you had a bad divorce. And I mean really ugly. This is not an exception, people are really rarely separated as friends, truely wishing him/her all best. It sounds almost…utopian. Most women just freeze and obscure when someone even mentions their Ex, and they usually „tagg“ him/her the prefixes like: jerk, idiot, moron, bitch, retard, weasel, loser, bastard….you get the picture. They can`t stand him.

But…they are still walking around with his last name. The name of the same person which they despise and hate.

Therefore I ask – why in the name of God?

If you already hate every particle of his being, you are disgusted of his every trace, why are you still stack with his name? What „drives“ this masochistic need to keep it, not to throw away that stinky garb with which you are cloaked, which you attire every morning then snort with your nose on his smell?

If we think about that „nomen est omen“, what is this telling about you? Your name is a very important thing, we are connecting with it, many studies are made proving the impact of letters and words on our life. People are spending years on therapies for that same strong words which have marked their lives. But THIS name – you are not touching. Why is that? After all that…massacre of divorce, why don`t you change it with some that is only yours and which doesn`t connect you with that odious person and all the suffering you had with it?

Why? For some provincial belief that the divorcee is a damaged good? Socially labeled as defected? C`mon! Get real!

I remembered another situation, the one when He had married again, and the „New wife“ have taken that same last name. I know a very succsessful, educated and very beautiful woman, which is „sticked“ on that New One, bitching about her all the time. Why? Because she thinks that she is The Mrs K. Herself, not the second one. And that she is the only entitled to „use“ this name. Because she was the first. The time is flying by, the Ex and the New one, already have their own baby, but the First one doesn`t gives up. A-a. She is Mrs K. Tones of stupid situations are filling up, the situations in which she has to explain that she is no longer Mr.K`s wife, that she has nothing to do with the certain matter or event, after all – she is a lady, a completly other person and…. But she still stays connected with that man on which she exhausting all her bitterness and venom. Whyyyyyyyyyy????

For the Shakespearean conviction that the rose would smell different? Bullsh*t!!! Even there, the good man Will have clearly showed us that the name IS important. Why, I ask, why don`t you take your maiden name, or some completly new, and after all that suffering grant yourself with a new spring time? The one where everything is waking up, where the world has pure clear colours, interesting sweet scents…The one where new day brings the joy of new beginning, illuminated with the sun`s promise. Without ugly shadows and heavy clouds.

Everyone has the right to make mistakes. Face it, we`re not perfect. But also, we have the right on new debuts, without dragging other people`s bulk on our backs. You know, the right on that easy, uncertain beginnings, without ugly prefixes and suffixes.

Except maybe for the pure adrenalin of the true spring „fix“.

Because you deserve it, vol. 4.

Dear Dr.Ruth,

watched a movie the other day. About a female loving. I am quite a liberal type who honestly thinks that anything goes until both persons are fine and agree with it. The words „dirty“ and „kinky“ are written on the bonny and inspirational part of my dictionary.

Anyhow, watching 2 female entities falling in love and loving in general. They are lying in bed. She 1 under and She 2 above her. A classical missionary position. And they feel fine. They are both moaning. The She 2, which is above, seems to be pretty busy. She is nailing. The penetrator. At least that is how it looked like.

Considering that I am a woman, I don`t see anything disgusting or odd in it. I really don`t bother myself with questioning about my womanhood, or with the fear of it, like the Enemy. THEY are spending their whole lives in constant insecurity, wondering if they are men enough, for which they become very intimidated by the love of the same sex. And we…We are fine. No dilemmas. We are 100% women and that we will be forever.

The way I picture a female sex, it is a very sensual thing. There are really lots of things to touch, grab, stroke, pet, lick…

But what after it? It all looks like a truely fantastic foreplay. Very hot, very exciting, very horny. And when you are aroused like that, the only thing you have on your mind is to get it. To take it in you. The quicker the better. NOOOOOOOOOW. I do bealive that out there, some women bealive that foreplay is actually the best thing in sex, but I get incredibly horny and in that moment I want it. This is why I am here. Give it. Now.

And for that reason, watching the movie, I`ve pictured myself in that role. I am apt to trying other`s shoes and jumping out the closet, trying to know how is it for somebody else. So I am sitting there and trying to imagine how it feels. Then I stopped. And now what?

In the respective situation mentioned above, on the edge of the mind and orgasm, the only thing that I would want is the Organ. Which is….missing in action. Not there. I`m raising the sheets, peeking under bed, tumbling pillows and blankets hoping to find it and finally get it! But there is none. What the fuck?!? Literally!

The only thing that comes in mind is that She 2 will come up, or even better come in, with a dildo. That soothes me for a while, but then again, I want the real thing. Which is not there.

And there I find myself disappointed. For not getting it. No cookie for me. A-a. Technically, yes, someone was eating, but that was not what I ordered! Check, please!

There I decided that this was not for me.

Yes, I was touched by the tenderness, profundity and understanding in their love, but what is a relationship without good sex?

So there, dear Dr.Ruth, I must admit…there will never be a good lesbian out of me. Or in me, in a matter of (s)peaking.