Tag Archive: life


Do Less to Impress

Years back, my mother started a tradition – when guests are arriving all hell must break loose.

It doesn’t matter who is coming, the preparations must be professionally done for any guest. The president or a family member, the drill is the same: everyone must lose their minds in hectic cleaning and occasional shopping for the new furniture. And it doesn’t help if you try to intervene with a casual “But it’s only aunt Kate” or “Mom, she will stay only a day, we really don’t need a new mattress”. When you try to make a joke that you are not living in a museum but in a house where people are actually living – brace yourself for a fury storm.

This is why I found myself anxiously turning around, trying to find everything which I must clean, move and throw into the trash. My head was throbbing, my palms were wet and all because of a family member coming for a visit. But then I stopped – why in the world would I do this? I am who I am, my living room is always crowded with books and a thousand little things that make it my home. Yes, my home. Not some strange sterile place meant to present someone’s ideal picture of what a house should be. And even if the guest finds it ugly or repulsive in any way – well, tough luck!

Expectations, that is the problem. Trying to fulfill someone else’s possible expectations of what we should be. Even if we are someone completely different than the person we are trying to present.

So, this is how it’s going to be – I will do a little dusting, clean the table and the floor and this is it. No more and no less. Because this is who I am: a casual person and lazy housekeeper but a friendly host. Because I would prefer to be hosted by someone who is laid back and pleasant, not a nervous wreck and cleaning freak. Starting a tradition f my own, doing less to pleasantly impress.

Because I deserve it, 179.

Cleainging house

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So, there’s me, standing on the street, minding my own business. After few minutes of such performance, a woman comes along. She stops and starts some light conversation, adding that she is just waiting for her husband to pick her up. A minute later, a car stops, the woman smiles, waves to her good man, turns to me and… She hugs me! She really hugged me! Like she knew me for years. I met a real true street hugger!

I was so surprised that I just stood there and remembered to pat her on the back because I really didn’t know what else to do. And it was a long hug. I mean, I don’t know if my mother hugged me for that long in my whole life. Don’t get me wrong, the woman seemed really pleasant, but I was so shocked that I was blinking like an idiot way after she was gone.

What in the world came to her? Why would you hug a total stranger? On the street, someone you don’t know, who is just sharing a piece of a public space with you for few minutes. And she looked really happy during and after the act. Then she got me thinking, maybe I looked sad and she thought that I needed it. If I did, maybe I should wear a t-shirt with the sign “It’s just my face. Move along”. I’m not a big hugger. I have only a few friends with which I would do it and those hugs are saved for special occasions, like birthdays and so. OK, few more when one of those friends gets a little drunk and starts to compulsively hug everyone around.

But somehow, that day that woman felt the need to do it.

And I accepted it.

You know what?

I have probably deserved it, 177. Bear hug

 

Are you single? Feeling ok with it? Good.

 

And what if one day you decide to share your beautiful world with someone and you find out that the competition is changed?

I am a big fan of singleism. Used to be one and really enjoyed it. And for that reason, I always defend someone`s choice to be single. Let`s face it – it is not always easy. You will be judged by your family (why can`t you find somebody nice and settle down?), by your married friends (the time is flying, you know, you can`t go on like this forever), your work colleagues (you think you`re something special?) and the public in general.

It takes cojones to be solo, to live by your own rules, to comfort and cheer yourself when rainy days come, to solve everyday dramas and always give 100% because you have to, because there is no other half who will do it for you. Not to mention that everything is more expensive, for you, single as you are.

But that kind of freedom, if you want it, worths every penny.

 

Now, let`s say that one day you decide that you are ready for sharing yourself with someone? (have a friend which uses this term, qouting „I want to share myself with someone“). Let`s say that now you are in your late 30s. You look younger than you are, having this bless because you haven`t given any birth, had all the time in the world for yourself and everything that comes with it.

What do you expect, who will be your competition on the market? Have you already prepared yourself to curse the 20 year old bimbos?

Well think again because the ones who you should be aiming are the socially praised married ones.

My best friend is actually „looking“ after 20 and something beautiful years of singleism….and surprise, suprise, her competition are actually married girls and women who go out a lot and somehow forget to mention that they are married. They flirt, sometimes push for something more juicier, sometime are in a relationship with single guys telling them how it is hard for them, that their best half doesn`t has any understanding for their needs, how much he is working, they are always alone, and blah, blah, blah…The dame in distress bulls…. You know the drill.

 

How do I fit in the story? Because one of my best friend`s „rivals“ turned out to be someone I know. Someone with who recently I had several discussions regarding this kind of life. My point of view is very simple – don`t do anything what you don`t want to be done to you. Cheating someone who is devoted to you, just because you are bored, is idiotic and cowardly. It takes COURAGE to enjoy the benefits of being single. Living under someone`s wing, lying, just that you may have a safe port after the exciting storm is … It makes you a pure zero.

If you want to have this kind of life, be honest and fair, and take the „single“ step. Yes, it is a big step, a complicated one, often hard, but it is the only right step you can do. That is if you have any respect for yourself and for other people.

 

To use the immortal wisdom of the Beastie Boys, you gotta fight for your right to party. Otherwise, you don`t deserve it and the others do not deserve all the c..p you`re pulling off either.. In fact, you are taking someone`s place on that thrill ride, so get up and move on.

There are people waiting in line here, so c`mon!:-p

 

Because we don`t deserve it, 39. (me for listening to this s… almost every day, those poor partners who still doesn`t suspect anything, the other sides which don`t expect to be deceived and used, and finally the single ones for taking their indentity, place and rights)

 

The hommage also goes to another friend which have boldly and fairly taken the single step, after 20 years of marriage. That`s to way to do it!