Tag Archive: joy


I feel it. It`s happening again…

Still don`t have any tactile proof but all requirements are here.

First to introduce myslef – I am Aqua, an ex notorius troublemaker alibi.

Want to escape from your one and only, every now and then, to get wasted so much you can barely walk, come home at completly unapropriete hour, and still get away with with it?

Then blame it on me!

It`s easy, just say „I was with Aqua“ or „I run into Aqua and you know how she is, she won`t let you go after only one drink…“. There, everything solved. Just like that.

How it works? Simple, get loved, or just liked even, by your friend`s best half, get her/his trust as a decent well-behaved person but who likes to go out much and whenever you feel to break up your daily routine and get a little impish – come home and say you were with me.

Yes, you will make me curse you for a while because I really don`t want to remember all those dates when I was supposed to be partying with you, but I am your favorite and always efficient alibi. Your best half knows you won`t get in any trouble because I like pure clean fun. I will dance, lough, talk and have a drink or two…(or 3, 4, 5…:-p). But that`s it. No funny buisness.

 

No, really, few years back, I was going out much, didn`t have so much responsabilities, and you could meet almost everywhere. In clubs, concerts, bars, somewhere miles from civilisation just walking and admiring the nature, …Well, the last one I still do but partying… Let`s say that now you may see me in a club 3-4 times tops per a year, having a cup of coffee in a nice cozy place and sometimes you may see me on those few interesting exhibitions you may find. Not a perfect alibi maker anymore.

Yes, I was following Lenny Kravitz`s state of mind with that „dancing till dawn“ and I was using it the best way I could. (I was always joking with my One and only that he doesn`t knows how to go out and that I don`t know how to come home when I do). But, like I said, I had it and now I enjoy the calm harmony.

 

But…yesterday I got a message on FB from a friend of me, qouting „We have to talk, in private“. I know that she`s been going out solo for past few months, because her spouse was working, was tired, didn`t feel like partying…. And when I asked her, few days ago, when I can expect the two of them to come and see our new shiny apartment (let me brag a little) she started to shrik in a way letting me know, between the lines, that we shouldn`t contact or see her best half for now. Which is strange because her lovely Mr.D is somehow introvert and the two of us are almost the only people he wants to spend time with. Hm…

 

Me don`t likey. Don`t get me wrong, I am the first who will tap someone`s shoulder for doing something good for him/herself no matter what the rest of the world will think but this.. Looking it from the perspective of these few months, I kinda got a feeling that she has done, or doing, something really wrong. And I won`t surely be a part of that. I like that man, he is a good quality man, which I would reccomend to any woman. He is kind, romantic, strong, funny and she can always count on him. Best example: she knows to get crazy with shopping clothes and the thing makes him smile, just because it makes her happy. Now how often you meet that kind of man?!?!?

 

After all these years, I`ve come to conclusion that we shouldn`t do anything which we can`t tell our best halves. If we can`t, then we know that it will hurt that somebody, which is just wrong. (lying or deceiving is not an option for me, it takes too much energy and I really like to feel free, not tangled in anything). Or even worse, if you can`t tell it to your best half, maybe you are deceiving yourself, spending your time with a person which is clearly not for you. Don`t know which is worse.

 

So, now I am expecting. Will she or will she not ask me to cover her. Me, the troublemaker`s alibi. And I hope that she won`t. I hope that she will come out with the truth.

 

Because I (and everyone else) deserve it, 39.

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I`m worried.

Seriously. For me and for my enviroment.

 

After waking up at 3 am this morning, for the persistent cough which brought out the best me, (meaning: didn`t want to wake up my best half with my sudden urge to express myself coughally, I went altruistically to the living room), making myself a cup of coffee (ok, 2 of them), getting incredibly bored (clicked and red everything I could think of) I started to think. I truly did.

And I came up with a conclusion that I don`t talk about sex with anyone! And what is worse, none of my friends are talking about sex either! No sex! Anywhere!

 

What the hell?!?

The sex is gone!

How can it be missing? We are all doing it, more or less, but we never ever talk about it. Like it have become a taboo. Like we have joined some orthodox puritanical sect called „Victorian is the way to go“ where „the thing“ is totally erased as a completely non grata issue. And again, what the hell?!?

When I think of it, last time I heard about it, few months ago, one of my single friends was mentioning something about how she done it with …hm…someone who was not in the picture for too long. And that`s it. As far as I know, nobody is doing it.

Yes, we chat, but I know everything, every damn detail about someone`s health (bowel movements, sinuses, ovaries…you name it), their family issues, absolutely everything about their jobs and daily routine, when they woke up, how they woke up, how was the coffee…but sex? None!

Then I started to think, maybe I am just too old, maybe people after certain 30s just don`t talk about it, but I concluded that it just can`t be it. The present situation is that nobody is bragging and no one is complaining neither. Which is not good. A-a. No good at all.

 

And I can`t just start a conversation with a „Sooooo…getting any…..ha?“ Or invite someone over for a cup of coffee (and cookies, don`t forget the cookies), put a cd and start singing „You lost that looooovin` feeling… woooooooooaaaah“. No, that`s not a solution.

The truth is that these conversations where actually making me happy. Why? Because sex is important, sex is joyful, you can always learn something, it can make you lough, it can make you more intimate with someone (you know what I mean, talking about it, not the… ) and for crying out loud, it is a normal thing for grown-ups! We`re not 7 any more!

 

So, this is it. I don`t want to consider sex a dead issue any more. I`m starting a sexual conversational revival. Today.

(wish me luck, somehow I feel I`m gonna need it, with this recession, depression and other essions around….)

 

Because I deserve it, 34.

Photo by Americangoulash.

I hate the change. I really do.
I had too many changes during the past years and I greet the new one with the words which are probably not suitable for the daily programme. There are lot of F words, somebody sons and other inappropriate terms in my mental vocabulary for the past days. And I must remind myself to use them out loud because I have the headache from the moment I open my eyes in the morning.

I moved. Into a beautiful new apartment, all shiny and new, delightfully decorated (love the yellow tone in the living room), with nice shiny gadgets, with air-cons all over the place including the bathroom (oh, I finally have the bath tub again), lots of sun coming from the outside, nice large terrace, I`m surrounded with pine trees and the sea is just 3 minutes away. Beautiful isn`t it? Well, at the moment I almost hate every minute of it.

Why? Because for the first time in my life I left the city. The city, you know, that crowded noisy place, where the apartments are small, where you can see trees only in the parks, where you hear every word of your neighbours, where after finding a parking place circuling the block just for 10 minutes you open a bottle of champagne, where sometimes you can`t fall asleep because some moron decided that he felt like singing at 3 a.m. right in front of your building, the place where you need a helmet and a baseball bat during the rush hour, where nobody knows anyone and you are pleasantly cloaked by anonymity which comes handy in certain situations … you know, the city.

So, this morning, after opening my eyes and getting scared again because for the moment I couldn`t recognize where the hell am I, and getting the headache from it, suddenly Heraclitus came into my thoughts. You know, the Greek guy which was so fascinated by changes, the one I curse right now for the saying „nothing endures but the change“. Well you can take it and shove it in your @##!!!!!
And don`t give some Deepak Chopra #&!!!%&# either because I DON`T LIKE THE CHANGE. A-a, every damn time I move, I get completly stressed out, I bump into furniture for the first 3 months, I wake up jumping from bed, I am disorientated and as soon as I get use to the place and relax, something happens and I move again.

And I miss the city. Miss everything that was just a street away: shops, library, favorite caffe`, my friends, even the family…and the noise. You are not aware how that city noise is actually soothing until you lay in the bed at night and you hear…nothing! Complete silence! No cars passing by, no talk or laughter on the street, no music coming from bars, restaurants, other people`s cars or apartment, complete absence of all those machines which always rumble and you are never sure where and what are they. Nada. Niente. Nichts. Rien.
And you need the car for everything. You can`t just throw on your coat, walk for few minutes and get what you want, now I have to actually plan things. (and for some reason, I feel like a housewife from the 50s, don`t ask why, still haven`t figured that one out)

Yeah, yeah, I know, it takes time. But still, I am a city girl used to all ups and downs of a ordinary architectural beehive in which everything is here and now.

So dear Heraclitus, you dirty ol` …., here`s to you. There, I admit, I`m busted. I feel like standing naked on the strong wind wondering should I keep on trying to hold to the ground or just let myself fly away, wherever that wind may carry me.

Because I (it surely looks like) deserve it, 67.

P.S. one other thing, what`s with the weather?!? This is Mediterranean for crying out loud, what`s with the strong wind and snow?!? I dreamed of quiet walks by the sea under the pine trees with the gentle sun on my back, not that I would have to grab and hold the damn trees  just to get to the shop!