Tag Archive: intimacy


Isn`t it beautiful when people fall in love? You remember, the butterflies in your stomach, the sparkling energy which you generate like a smaller nuclear plant, the joy you want to share with the whole world. And of course, the changes you make to yourself – taking more care of your appearance and even polishing your little possible flaws. You know, like saying you absolutely love how your chosen one enjoys football. Everything just to be more likable to the object of your infatuation.

And like they say, it is all fair in love and war. Well, at least until that love really grows into a war.

Robert was a fairly reasonable guy, but 10 years ago he met Diane and deeply fell in love. The feeling was so strong that he couldn`t wait to marry her. She was the one, the perfect one for him. So only 5 months after, they organized a small ceremony and exchanged the rings in front of the family and close friends.

But what Robert didn`t expect is that his loving Diane has also brushed her character flaws and interests. Just like he did in the beginning. Time was passing by slowly, discovering how different they really were. He really enjoyed in martial arts, becoming a real sensei as the years passed by, and she hated the physical activity so much that his enthusiasm made her hate herself. He enjoyed literacy so much that he started to write himself, while she spent her time watching the soap operas every afternoon. Robert adores children and started to feel quite unhappy realizing that Diane wouldn`t even think of having them. While his spiritual side is something he cares about, Robert led his life just trying to be a good person, but without visiting the God`s house. Diane, on the other side, found that she liked going to church a few times a week. And resented him for not going with her. The list goes on and on.

So they decided to split. For good. Before the hate becomes their only mutual connection.
All this time, the whole 10 years, Robert hasn`t said a single ugly word about Diane or their life. Not to her, not to anyone else. His parents thought him that being a good man means also to be kind and civilized and to always defend your family. And for long ten years, Diane was his family.
A month ago, my phone rung. I answered and heard:

„I did it! I finally did it!”, Robert yelled on the other side. „The marriage is over, we signed the papers and I said it!”

„Said what?”, I asked, completely confused.

„I said: Diane, %#& you! Did you hear? %#& you, Diane!”, he shouted.

„Ahm, I`m sorry, what? What`s the big deal?”

„Because now I can finally say what I feel!”

As it turned out, through all those long years, he never came even close to say what he really thinks or feels. He didn`t allow himself to do it. When I asked why he kept quiet, he said that it wasn`t appropriate. To swear in front of his own wife. Because, according to him, he didn`t want to hurt her feelings. Like the divorce wouldn`t.

We are talking about the freedom of speech, but forget to take that right in our own intimate universes. It is important to say it, to express our feelings and elaborate our stands. Even if it`s a bad and ugly word.

So take that right. Say it. Just let it out. Maybe it`s not appropriate all the time, but sometimes that one word means freedom. For your close ones and for yourself. And maybe that ugly word will give the future to your whole life story.

Because you deserve it, dammit, vol.197.

from the bottom of the heart

 

 

Advertisements

Once upon a time there was a little girl. As the time passed by, the girl grew up and become a woman. That is, she sure looked like one: she was tall, had a nice hair that she brushed entirely by herself, she had a job, her place to stay… all the grown up stuff. But the thing she didn`t have is a stable grown up relationship.

Hm…now that`s tough, her mother thought. „When you are going to find a decent  man?“ – she asked often, smudging the woman with that amiable varnish of expectation and guilt. And how mothers often do, she didn`t stop there: „Oh! Jenny, remember, Jim`s and Joan`s doughter, just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! And Stella, the one across the street, just got married for a lawyer! Ain`t that just great?!?“.  

Well, yippeeeeeee!

The grown up girl knew that she had a problem. It`s not that she didn`t want someone „decent“ it`s just that, somehow, it never worked with anyone. She tried and tried, got hurt, got scared, got bored, got physically satisfied, got frustrated, got angry but never got happy and calm. Finally, after all those years she started asking one question to herself – is it me?

The answer is – yes.

It is you, honey. And the only thing that is „wrong“ with you is that you`re scared. Why? Well, that`s an easy one!

Try to remember how many times during the years have you heard the sentence „Men are great!“? C`mon try it! Nothing? Try harder…Still nothing? Hm…

And know try the easy one – how many times have you heard the opposite? Aha. How many times have you heard it this week? This month? What about this year? Oh, that much.. And how many stories you heard showing it?…Hm…

Get the picture?

And then how in the world do you expect that you will enter in it with your hands and heart opened? You know, the parts that are actually required for a decent relationship. The parts you want form the other person too. That parts that you require also.

All jokes aside, but have you ever thought about all those scary things and „facts“ that they  told us when we were growing up? We heard it from out parents and our friends, which are now actually expecting that we have a „proper“ relationship. A marriage too, the one that it will last.

But nobody thinks that you got actually and deeply scared. Hell, they done such a  good job that you have already started to pick men for which you KNOW you won`t stay with. The ones that even on the very beginning you see that you really don`t have too much in common, so you decide to give it a shot knowing deep inside that it will be over. Because that way you are sure – men are everything they told you they will be. No surprises here.

 

So you wander around like Dorothy Gale (and gale you are, blowing away all the good things) searching for the one who will take you home (you know, that loving, safe and warm place) but scared as hell of all that lions, tigers, bears and what not. And why? Because you got the instructions. All the clarifications, interpretations and illustrations, teaching you to ski then buying you a ticket for a public swimming pool. And hoping that no harm will come out of it.

 

Click your heels Dorothy, and come home. Here men are sometimes sweet, often fun and always alive. Like you are. There are no smokey wizards, no made up animals or special effects. Just you and the whole shiny real world. Enjoy it.

 

Because you deserve it 25.

 

 

 

 

 

TV… such a powerful media. Everyone is watching it. Long, long time ago, on the television you could see only the ones who really had „something“ – good actors, giornalists, singers… Now, with all this reality shows and talk shows, everyone may get a chance to be on it. And some of them are really using it. Big time.

Some people would do anything just to have their own 5 minutes of fame. Even if they reveal to the world that they are peeping through te keyhole while their mother-in-law  takes a shower. Or that every now and then, they stick a corncob into their ass.

So that someone may say to them: „I`ve seen you last night on TV!!!“

They don`t mind the fact that they will completly lose their dignity and that they will probably spend their whole life labeled as freaks, sickos, perverts, or however they have presented  themselves to the world.

But nevermind, because the star is born.

To be honest, the „star“ had some… unpleasent feedbacks, because his wife left him after the show, his mother run off crying from the studio, his friends won`t answer his calls and his CEO manager called his boss demanding to fire the idiot first thing tomorrow morning.

While the „star“ is still blinking blankly with the stupid smile on his face. He fucked up his lfe but that information still haven`t arrived to his small brain. The only thing that echoes in his head is „…you`re a star, you`re star, you`re star…look ma`, I`m on the top of the world!“

I really wonder if those idiots heard the moron alarm while they were applying into the show, or at least when they were entering into the studio, to same alarm which would alert them that they are just about to the most stupid thing in their life? Or maybe, the narcissistic dose that they own, is so strong that it practically blinds all that is inteligent and emphatic in them, in the same time forgetting what shame and damage will it bring to themselves and their closed ones?

And let`s not kid ourselves – it doesn`t have anything to do with the money. The money is just an excuse.

And the measuring unit. Of the true fact – how much they appreciate their most valuable: dignity, selfrespect, family and friends.

They are there because they want to be somebody.

Even if that somebody is the biggest idiot in the country.