Tag Archive: hot


Like first, I`ve got to reveal a crucial information that for some idiotic virus I am spending my days laying, coughing, sneezing and driveling. And, I`m bored. I`m so bored that I tried watching ALL the channels trying to find something which will hold my interest for more than 7 seconds but so far nothing good came out of it. The delight of daily television is consisted of soap-trash from all part of the world, so that the only soap opera I haven`t found is the one about impossible love between a lovely girl from Uzbekistan towards a Kazahstanian shepard. Oh joy…

Anyway, I read the new book and decided that I don`t have anything better to do than to „travel“ through the web. And there….Oh revelation! I found a lovely little article from the group „How to be irresistibly sexy and drive the men completly wild“. Superb. Have you tried it yet? You haven`t? Oooooooh now it`s the perfect time! Go to the mirrow and experience these guaranteed advices. Maestro, drums please!

So, they say that the secret is in body language which you can easily learn. Once you master these skills, you will become the flirting guru followed by a mass of horny studs. Ready? Let`s do it.

 

  1. First you have to lean your head a little. (that will give you the impression of curiosity)
  2. Then you have to open your mouth and leave it that way (that will, so they say, create a truely sensual effect, but don`t exaggerate or you will look like you have facial paralysis)
  3. After that concentrate on your eyes – blink slowly, but even then don`t open it widely but keep your eyes half-opened (ok, here you risk to cry your eyes out, like you are a part of some bad military experiment but….anything for beauty, right?)
  4. To complete the impression, throw out your right hip and your left foot place forward simuntaniously turning your knee towards the inside (here be careful not to crash down and kiss the floor, trying to perform a triple axel because you will lose at least 10 points for the lack of elegance)

 

Theeeeeeeeeeere….

And now look yourself in the mirrow. Fantastic! You look like a true retard! THIS will guarantee you to drive any guy… away, as far as possible.

I just can`t help thinking that they are trying to idiotize us on every step. Including our sexual area.

And really, who is following these things?!? Anyone?

That`s why I seriously reccomend to avoid these „beneficient“ advices. Be who you really are. To paraphrase good old Hemingway – the secret of a charming and sexy woman is in the simple fact that she thinks that she is pretty. Whatever that beauty meant to her. At least then she is relaxed enough that she can think about sex at all and not on somebody`s distorted ideas. And they are twisted and distorted.

 

You are sexy. When you wake up, when you walk, when you talk, when you breath. Period.

 

Advertisements

This is the exact way how the story was brought to me, and now I am giving it to you….

There`s a guy. Actually, a representative of a certain type of the man. He is the walking nightmare for the majority of the male sex.

He is The One.

The Chosen One…

His name is Patrick. He is 38. French or Canadian, he is speaking with a hard French accent. Which sounds so….damn good! He is 6`4, his face is slightly peaked, with a dominant chin and a strong jaw. His body is tense and muscular, but not too much. Just about that, when you touch it, the hand may send to the brain informations about a living rock. That perfect body, so tough and firm, has a history. Le Patrick is a free climber. When his strong hands pry every curve on the rock, his mind is sharpened. In that moment, he can devote to his hidden passion-philosophy.

There is something magnificent in his climbing style. Especially when he takes of the shirt and lets the small drops of sweat to shimmer on a tight surface of his skin…And glide on his back, without any thought of doubt or insecurity. He knows. And may.

His moves are slow and silent. His face has a mysterious smile, always ready for a conversation. He is full of understanding and always in a good mood. Turbo friendly towards the whole universe, he has enough strenght to bare every challenge. And to reward all it`s participants….

Die bastard, die!!!

Damn you!

Damn the Patrick and all his representatives!

Why? Because there is no woman which will resist him! Because all the other men, compared to him, are assholes!

Because Le Patrick will never fell asleep whith a dry dick! Because however you may work and try around some hottie, she will melt like a fine jello and pour over Le Patrick`s figure and leave the guy with who she was before him. Without a simple goodbye.

Because when HE shows up, there isn`t a thing which a normal, ordinary guy may say or do, not to become totally insignificant, dull, boring and stupid. Because HE is quite ok, friendly and correct towards all those ordinary guys, not giving them a good reason to punch him right in the face!

Because He is The Chosen One.

Every chick will choose Him. No Regular Joe doesn`t have a chance while He is around. They are all His. Drooling, blinking, giggling on every His word watching Him with admiration.

Which leaves Regular Joe all alone on the bar, sipping his lonely drink. Because he doesn`t exist any more. Not a trace. His presence and prevalence are irreversibly erased….

I do hope that the story is funny to you how it was to me. They told me the story with such a passion and bitterness that I was loughing out loud all the time while they were telling it!!Imagine what is bothering them! Le Patrick! Some fictitious guy in their head which they admire and hate!

A secret nightmare for which they loath every guy with a stronger chin, free climbing and foreign accents. Leaving them to live in fear deep down.

For some Le Patrick which may show up on their, always unsecured, territory!

Just too damn funny. And then they say that women are dramatic and insecure…Ha!

 

Long, long time ago, long before our time, the courtship rules were very clear. For example, the ladies had dance cards on which the interested male representatives could write down their names with which they would express their unambiguous interest for a certain female soul. And they had no dilemma.

Now, the situation is far more perplexed. Say that you like a certain male individual for some time now. You`re looking at him and he, sometimes, looks at you. After few eons, you actually interchange few words. And there you decide that he is not just hot, but also funny. Like a true and proper gal, you already start to project flashes of your pink and peachy future: two of you taking a walk in the sunset, with bumblebees buzzing around you, happy sparrows above you, and you… you are laughing happiliy… he brings you flowers and you kiss him in return with tears in your eyes, then you lick the strawberry icecream together…then you buy a condom with banana flavour…then he licks you only… You know, idyll.

And than one day….beep…beep…beep…WAKE UP CALL!

From a friend of yours you hear this words:

You know…I don`t think that he is…hm…right for you...“ – says him peskily

How do you mean?“ – you ask vexedly

Well…. I think he`s gay….“

And… the music stops. With all those butterflies and bees dropping to the floor and the birds flying away.

What?!? How do you mean gay? No, no, no, gay is not ok! How can he be gay?!?!?

And then the friend starts talking, how in all those years that he knows him, nobody actually ever saw him with a girl. Which is really strange because the guy is incredibly hot… Right, he is well educated, and funny, and sympathetic but somehow just too subtile. On all your and others flirting in the past few years, he always responded kindly but distanced… Hm…Right, this is it, he is gay! How you couldn`t see that???

Damn!…And you give up.

You can`t fight the nature forces, can you!

But then, few months after it, one day walking down the street you bump into him. And gues what is he holding in his hand? Not a bag, not a dog but a woman`s hand with a belonging body (and a pretty one too). Ha! You didn`t see that one coming, didn`t you? Sooooo, Mister I-would-do-you-and-maybe-your-brother-too is not gay after all! And again, ha! Son of the…

What the hell happened? Hooooooow you could made a mistake like THAT?

There are only 2 solutions:

– or the guy has too much integrity and he just wouldn`t be with anyone,  unless he really really likes her, which sounds somehow fantastic, because it blows down the theory that a guy will score, even with his eyes closed, just because he can

– or he`s got a particular sense for beauty and sex appeal (for example, I know a guy who thinks that Olympia Snow is pretty hot. He is into her and you can`t do a thing about it)

So, what do you do? How can you really tell if you really have something, if you really click or not? And how in the name of God you may know if he plays for your team?!?

The answer is… feel it. No really, you should feel it. When two individuals of the opposite sex meet – there is always a certain tension in the air. Don`t ignore it. This is how you can tell.

(I remember a cousin of my ex, a tough guy, heavy metal fan, all pierced up, with about 1000 tatoos on him. When I said to my ex that he is gay, he just laughed about it… but then, after few years, the heavy metal wrecker exposed his Cher side to the world. Everyone were shocked. But I know when we met, that there was nothing, the air between us was… tepid. He didn`t emit anything)

So, the messagge is – listen to yourself. Always. Ignore the learned and listen your heart.

Or you may just say- spit it out, Nancy! Yes or no?!?