Tag Archive: home


Do Less to Impress

Years back, my mother started a tradition – when guests are arriving all hell must break loose.

It doesn’t matter who is coming, the preparations must be professionally done for any guest. The president or a family member, the drill is the same: everyone must lose their minds in hectic cleaning and occasional shopping for the new furniture. And it doesn’t help if you try to intervene with a casual “But it’s only aunt Kate” or “Mom, she will stay only a day, we really don’t need a new mattress”. When you try to make a joke that you are not living in a museum but in a house where people are actually living – brace yourself for a fury storm.

This is why I found myself anxiously turning around, trying to find everything which I must clean, move and throw into the trash. My head was throbbing, my palms were wet and all because of a family member coming for a visit. But then I stopped – why in the world would I do this? I am who I am, my living room is always crowded with books and a thousand little things that make it my home. Yes, my home. Not some strange sterile place meant to present someone’s ideal picture of what a house should be. And even if the guest finds it ugly or repulsive in any way – well, tough luck!

Expectations, that is the problem. Trying to fulfill someone else’s possible expectations of what we should be. Even if we are someone completely different than the person we are trying to present.

So, this is how it’s going to be – I will do a little dusting, clean the table and the floor and this is it. No more and no less. Because this is who I am: a casual person and lazy housekeeper but a friendly host. Because I would prefer to be hosted by someone who is laid back and pleasant, not a nervous wreck and cleaning freak. Starting a tradition f my own, doing less to pleasantly impress.

Because I deserve it, 179.

Cleainging house

I drag myself home. Eat something, gracefully lay on the couch and take the remote. A nirvana. For about whole 8 minutes.

Suddenly, someone starts buzzing on my door bell like crazy, simultaneously beating on it: ding-dong, ding-dong, boom-boom, boom-boom, ding-dong…! I jump up, and 3 seconds later the alarming condition starts again: that someone is beating on my door, not moving it`s finger from the door bell. What the…? What is going on? Is it a fire, have the war started, what is it for crying out loud??? I`m yelling „juuust a minute“ while the pandemonium continues.

I opened the door to find a pissed off battle tank! A lady, with the size of a wardrobe closet, with an agressive attitude and interesting look (I almost shit my pants form it), starts waving in front of my face with a piece of paper. Blah, blah, she is selling catholic calenders, she says. Correction – selling is an affable offer of the product, which you can or don`t buy. This was…this was…unbealievable!

I try to explain that I don`t want it, not my cup of tea, I lie impiously saying that my neighbour is an active member of the church and that I already have those…

But, the battle tank is not giving up. Grand as the Faith itself. She is on the mission. She stands there, with that incredible look, fixiting me. Not moving. Not for an inch.

We stand there in silence. Not saying a word. I am waiting for her to give up, and she is waiting for my next move.

After 2 or 3 minutes of speachless staring I try to say something, but in the same second she starts reapeting her respected lines: „These are the catholic calenders, made by our beloved catholic church…“. Damn woman! I have a date with a couch and the tv! What, are we going to stand here all afternoon, gaping like idiots?!?

Then I had it. I asked her how much, she said her price, I cashed it out and amen! You may go in peace sister. Godspeed.

What happened to those kind old ladies which have caressingly offered the calenders, admonishing on charity and other tender things, which made you feel…warm around your heart?

This one could easily be recruted by the Opus Dei!

I should have known better. Few years ago, I was debating for half an hour with couple of Jehova Witnesses, again on my doorstep. With no result. It`s like they are programmed not to be fluctuated by anything they could hear or see until they get what they want. Take no prisoners.

Anyhow, if someone needs a calender, just let me know. Have a small-fit-in-the-wallet one and grand-centre-of-the-living-room-wall versions. And it`s not like I`m going to use it anytime soon, the memories from the last skirmish are still too fresh.;-)