Tag Archive: funny


Lazy afternoon on the couch. Thinking about… nothing. And it`s glorious. As soon as I start to move for another finely tuned loafer`s position the phone starts ringing.

Me: Hallo?

Him: Well hello! How are you ?

Me, peskily for not having a clue who`s the owner of the voice: Oh, I`m fine. How are you?

Him: Well not so great. You see I have a problem and I think that you may help me with it.

Me: Ahmmmmm….OK… What is it?

Him, with a heavy sigh: How to start… OK, you know how they say that the poison is always kept in small bottles?

Me: Aha…..? ….(Poison? What poison?!?)

Him: You see my daughter has a friend. She, my daughter I mean, is very tall but her new best friend is quite tiny.

OK, there is something so weird here. Who is this guy and what the hell is he talking about?!?

Then he said: Small yes but that girl is so…. malicious. My daughter use to be so sweet and caring and she…

Me: OK, OK…Sir? Can you please tell me with WHO you wanted to speak in the first place?

Him, surprised: With you of course!

Me: I`m not sure….Sir, are you sure you have the right number?

Him: Of course I do! Where was I…ah yes…Anyway, she met her about 2 months ago and my wife started to realize that…

Me, much louder: SIR??? Please! Listen to me! I really bealive that you got the wrong number! Who were you calling?

Him, offended: The Youth Counsel Centre!

Me: OK, that explains it. You got a completely wrong number! This is definitively not it.

Him: Oh!… Oh, I`m sorry…I was convinced…I`m really sorry.

Me, more relaxed: That`s OK. It is easy to press just one wrong key to…

Him: I am really sorry but you have such a calming, soothing voice. You should work as a therapist!

Me: Thank you but I bealive it`s a little too late for that. Well, I hope that you now dial the right number and…

Him: Oh I really mean it! Have you thought about it?

Me: No, not really. OK, I wish you a good day!

Him: No, no thank you and I apologize once again.

Me: It`s alright. Bye!

And you know what is the completely weird part? That evening I`ve looked for the phone numbers of the Youth Counsel Centre, and I mean all the numbers, and not one is even close to mine. So what the hell was that?!? But let`s look on the bright side – I have a soothing voice, said the man. So it must be that my new hobby is an amateur teen guiding.

Because me, my voice and my phone deserve it, vol. 77.

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Warning – the poem it`s not mine but it is funny enough to be shared. Ready?

P.S. to my dear male friends, please don`t be offended, after all the poem is about mamma`s boys, not you

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I remember one practical little book, when I was a kid, that belonged to my grandma. It was named Help to every housewife in every case or something like that.

For example, the lovely housy have over-enthusiasticaly salted the soup. She can`t blame the dog for it and she surely don`t want to listen her husband`s nagging „I worked my ass of all day, come hungry as a dog, and you can`t cook a lousy soup for your man when he comes home!

In that particular case, the magic book was offering a solution with adding few potatoes in the problematic dish to extract the salt. (or to add few drops of cyanide in it, to finally shut up the nagging cur)

And I was thinking that we could certainly use a website like that. You know, the one that would only give advice in case of small and grand fuckups. It would offer practical and social advices.

Let`s say that you have accidentaly offended your collegue`s wife by replacing her with his mother. An honest mistake. You were just, without any mean afterthoughts, been so naive to articulate right to her face: „Aaaaaah! This must be your lovely mom! So nice to meet you!“. No matter if the old bat looks your ex mother in law. She is still human. And a very resentful one, also. And there you are, standing like an idiot, without a clue of what to say now tkinking how to get out of this. What you gonna do?

Or, for example, you are in the middle of a fresh and new relationship. Everything is just peachy and wonderful except one little thing – he/she snores like a polar bear. So when you are asked in the morning, with a big and gentle smile, how did you sleep – you find yourself (bloated and battered, because you have spent all night in poking, turning and inventing every damn thing you could think of, just to lower down the snoring decibels of your loved One) saying…actually croaking out loud: „What do you think, you arctic bastard??????“

….Which could sensibly lower your rating of a dear, lovely and bland individual and could pull certain unwanted consequences. Which you really don`t want. Trust me.

Or maybe if you have accidentally erased your boss`s marketing plan, which took him/her 2 weeks to develope and write it down, and now the only urge that you have it to run home, take your passport and call the number under the ad „South America is calling“. You could spend few interesting years riding a llama through a very green and very unknown area just until the thing calms down a little. Hey, maybe you`ll get a decent pension plan there, you never now.

I bet that the site would have enormous visiting. Because the probability of the fuckup is proportional of the doable acts on a ordinary day. So instead that we start whining „Gooooooooood what I am goind to doooooooooo??????“ or to use some totally uneffective method with a factor 145 of even larger fuckup, we would just have to go on www.I-fucked-up-now-what.com and solve our misery with one click. To our satisfaction and the ones around us.

If that thing comes alive…let me know. I will be among the first subscribers.