Tag Archive: friends


Once upon a time there was a little girl. As the time passed by, the girl grew up and become a woman. That is, she sure looked like one: she was tall, had a nice hair that she brushed entirely by herself, she had a job, her place to stay… all the grown up stuff. But the thing she didn`t have is a stable grown up relationship.

Hm…now that`s tough, her mother thought. „When you are going to find a decent  man?“ – she asked often, smudging the woman with that amiable varnish of expectation and guilt. And how mothers often do, she didn`t stop there: „Oh! Jenny, remember, Jim`s and Joan`s doughter, just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! And Stella, the one across the street, just got married for a lawyer! Ain`t that just great?!?“.  

Well, yippeeeeeee!

The grown up girl knew that she had a problem. It`s not that she didn`t want someone „decent“ it`s just that, somehow, it never worked with anyone. She tried and tried, got hurt, got scared, got bored, got physically satisfied, got frustrated, got angry but never got happy and calm. Finally, after all those years she started asking one question to herself – is it me?

The answer is – yes.

It is you, honey. And the only thing that is „wrong“ with you is that you`re scared. Why? Well, that`s an easy one!

Try to remember how many times during the years have you heard the sentence „Men are great!“? C`mon try it! Nothing? Try harder…Still nothing? Hm…

And know try the easy one – how many times have you heard the opposite? Aha. How many times have you heard it this week? This month? What about this year? Oh, that much.. And how many stories you heard showing it?…Hm…

Get the picture?

And then how in the world do you expect that you will enter in it with your hands and heart opened? You know, the parts that are actually required for a decent relationship. The parts you want form the other person too. That parts that you require also.

All jokes aside, but have you ever thought about all those scary things and „facts“ that they  told us when we were growing up? We heard it from out parents and our friends, which are now actually expecting that we have a „proper“ relationship. A marriage too, the one that it will last.

But nobody thinks that you got actually and deeply scared. Hell, they done such a  good job that you have already started to pick men for which you KNOW you won`t stay with. The ones that even on the very beginning you see that you really don`t have too much in common, so you decide to give it a shot knowing deep inside that it will be over. Because that way you are sure – men are everything they told you they will be. No surprises here.

 

So you wander around like Dorothy Gale (and gale you are, blowing away all the good things) searching for the one who will take you home (you know, that loving, safe and warm place) but scared as hell of all that lions, tigers, bears and what not. And why? Because you got the instructions. All the clarifications, interpretations and illustrations, teaching you to ski then buying you a ticket for a public swimming pool. And hoping that no harm will come out of it.

 

Click your heels Dorothy, and come home. Here men are sometimes sweet, often fun and always alive. Like you are. There are no smokey wizards, no made up animals or special effects. Just you and the whole shiny real world. Enjoy it.

 

Because you deserve it 25.

 

 

 

 

 

I am trying to be polite so I say: „She is really sweet but, don`t take this personally, she is a litlle bit…slow.“. He stands there in silence for few seconds, then answers: „Yes…She is. I don`t know what`s wrong with her. At first I thought that she`s stoned but now I see she isn`t. She really wasn`t like that before. Really. Can`t understand what happened to her….“.

We are talking about His friend, that He hadn`t see for some time now. And he hadn`t because the mentioned Slowie got married, got pregnant and gave birth (in that order exactly, a miracle!). We met her the other day and she invited us on a cup of coffee, euphorically, and we said yes, of course. At first, I didn`t get it, I thought that it`s just the way she is – little slow, but positive and cheerful, can`t hate her even if you want it to. You know the type.

Beeeeeep! Wrong!

He said that she was always very sharp, quick and everything that comes in the package with and intelligent, creative, witted and funny person. Hm…But now she`s not. Oh, she is funny, but in a different way. She is over-jolly ( playing Puff the Magic Dragon in the background) but you have to  e-x-p-l-a-i-n everything, slooooowly, with all details…Every joke and comment you make are received with a confused look and lots of questions…Exhausting. Very. I mean, she is sweet but… Just too much.

Then the phone ringed last night. I picked it up. On the other line I found a friend, a woman and a mother of a 4 year old girl.

37 minutes. To make it clear: thirty-seven-minute conversation of cooking, various symptoms, the child, it`s health, nurturing and education, upcoming precaution regarding sun, sunburns and everything which represents a danger for a child.

37 minutes until she just stopped. I heard nothing but complete silence for a minute or so. Then I heard a sigh, followed by: „Jesus, how I would like to go alone on a beach this summer, to jump in the water, swim slowly without any pressure, lay on the sand and just enjoy the sun in silenceYou know, not to jump every 2 seconds because the child is thirsty, hungry, because she`s bored, because… Just to enjoy myself. Me, understand? Me.“

Which remembered me on that Slowie with euphoric outbursts. Damn it! I get it! She was high on freedom! That`s it! She made it! She escaped! Only for an hour or two..fresh air, freedom… Doped, stoned, baked, toasted, buzzed, mashed, fried, blitzed…Then I remembered all the others which allowed the grindstone, the ones which allowed that everything is  subjected to their child and house, the ones that don`t exist anymore, the ones that can`t afford to take an hour or two per day of freedom. For a cup of coffee, of undisturbed staring in TV, of reading, of leaving the house alone for an hour where there will be only them, without children….or anything else. Just them.

When I was a kid, my parents were different. They could BREATH. We were outside playing, almost all the time (coming home only to grab a bite). When they were talking we couldn`t interrupt, if they were watching they favorite show – we weren`t crying and banging, yelling that we are bored, that we want to watch a cartoon…Their friends were coming, and we weren`t seeking for attention, they went to work, they were going out… And we turned OK. We really did. So did they.

But this moms… No wonder they lose it every now and then. The only thing they think about are children and home, they can`t remember when was the last time they done something for themselves. They are behaving like they are serving a deity. Prasing. A cult. A cult of a child.

That is a pressure. Coming from the society. It actually demands from the parents to become completly abnormal, to treat their children like they are retarted, because the poor kids just can`t be or do anything by themselves. Well, THAT is retarded and abnormal.

From now on you should do this: the next time your kid starts badgering and crying that he/she is bored, take a deep breath, shrug, and say: „I don` t give a damn. Work something out. Mom will take some time for herself. And don`t bother her for a while. Go, shush!“.

Then go out, lay down, get stoned, whatever.

 Because mom deserves it. Every day.

Rent a life

Let`s put it this way – you are single.

No husband, no kids, no serious relationships. Doesn`t matter why.

But what it does matter is: do you have your life?

Do you exist as a trashcan or as a full package individual?

Definition of the Trashcan:

– family and friends are calling you frequently but mostly, not for pleasantly spent time, but because they need something. Which means that your free time is consisted of running around for them and helping the „needy“. And they often need something. Because they have obligations and problems. Oh really?

You, who are single by definition, in their eyes, have so much time, you don`t have some serious shit going on, that`s why you are not so tired like they are, and therefore you have to be available.

The result? Your social life is on moribund. But the „needy“ are your close ones, so you can`t refuse them. And for all that „I am here for you“ attitude you feel important and needed.

Definition of the Full package individual:

– full package individual exists for itself. Which means that it`s life is fulfilled with personal obligations and passions, family gatherings and consultations are done at maximum twice a month, which applies for that needy friends too, the ones that are calling not just to help and support them, but because they feel lucky and satisfied to share their best with it. The time of Full package individual is it`s own, and it`s own only.

It is going out, it mingles, it has hobbies and it takes good care of itself.

Why the „Trash can“?

Because they are filling you with all their personal trash. Which makes them feel better. And that gives you the feeling of importance. And engaged into the Life.

All their messes, their shits, their joys, you are experiencing deeply emotional. Because this feels like the part of your life.

Well guess again.

THAT is not your life. Because, practically you don`t have one. You are vegetating, plugged to the life support. And to somebody else`s life support, not your own.

They have chosen the life that they are living, with all the obligations, problems, ups and downs, so let them take care of it. Let them manage it, swimm, dive or surf it. Because this, what they do to you, and what you permit to yourself, is not ok. It is just wrong.

Selfishness may have various faces and it`s not necessarily negative.

Because, face it, the things they want from you are very selfish. Even scornful. For now, your personal life is so less important that their`s. And with it, you as a person too.

So, what you should do?

Tell them to go to hell. Yes, they will be offended, possibbly angry, at first (remember . you are the one who teached them that this kind of behavior is OK) but with time – they will accept it. And you won`t be „parasiting“ on other`s lives no more. Because this is exactly what you have been doing.

Instead, turn to yourself. This is what it really matters. Instead of driving your aunts, someone else`s children, dogs, cats and grasshoppers, choose a drink or cup of coffee with somebody pleasent, a nice movie or just dance byself in your living room.

Then you won`t no longer ask yourself why are you feeling so miserable, why you feel exhausted and worn-out, and why are your sitting alone in front of TV when the night comes. And you won`t banging your head with the question „why I am feeling so down when everyone tells me that I am sooooo lucky?“. You won`t feel unsatisfied, nervuos and frustrated. But fulfilled, calm and alive.

So, here is a short message: get a life.

Your own.

Because you deserve it.