Tag Archive: friends


Have someone ever called you a cold selfish ….? And why is that?

 

A friend of mine called me yesterday very upset because someone is very mad at her. That certain someone is sick.The problem is that he stopped taking medications 3 years ago and, even more, he is not taking care of himself in any term, drinking a lot and doing nothing to help his body and mind. Now, that friend of mine was always there for him, day and night, in all the ways she could think of. She`s got lots of problems too, but she gave her best to the Sick one. And she had it yesterday. Because what is the use to try to ease someone`s life if that someone won`t help himself in any way?

I have backed her up. I have totally backed her up.

 

You see, I was the „duty officer“ almost all my life. The one which has the obligation to be at disposal 24/7. The needs of others were always before my own because that is the way they taught me. Until one morning I saw that all of them have a life, a relationship, a marriage, children and a carieer and that I was left behind. Without any of that. Because my family role was to make sure that all of them get what they need. And the trick is that you are never good enough in anything you do and whatever you give is insufficient. It is the endless pit.

 

Oh yes, I tried to argue, trying to explain my position, telling that even the Constitution gives me the right to work at least, for crying out loud, but it always ended with big scenes and the  accusation qouting „How can you be so selfish? Poor Mary/John/Maria/James/Lily/Robert/Lind/Shaniqua/Mumtembe Kurtungue/ Changchang Li.…(please continue the queue, any name will do)…needs that!“. Oh really? And what do I need? Do I exist as a living breating being at all?!?

So I`ve decided that I will be just like that – selfish, whatever that would mean.

Yes, if someone of them really needs the help I am still here, but I won`t waste my time and energy on something like „Call the library and ask them if the new S.E. Phillips book have arrived. And do it now! Mary/Jane/Linda… is waiting!“. And why in the hell wouldn`t she pick up the phone and call herself?!?!? And that kind of irrelevant stuff, you know the drill.

 

So for it, I have decided to draw a line. A proper border, to be more specific. Here is your teritory, there is no man`s land, and there, you see, is my teritory. Anything to declare? No? Are you bringing anything which may be harmful to the Aqualand or it`s residents? Like everlasting guilt, constant accusations, insults or total disregard? No? OK then, enjoy your stay and remember to respect the enviroment. We are very proud of it, our high peaks and deep waters are beautiful but also very sensitive to pollution. Of any kind.

And oh yes, please make sure to be always properly dressed; this way up north the winter comes suddenly and you don`t want to get frozen or to be find under the avalanche for being careless, do you?

 

Respectufully,

 

your border guard Aqua.

 

Because I deserve it, 39.

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I`m worried.

Seriously. For me and for my enviroment.

 

After waking up at 3 am this morning, for the persistent cough which brought out the best me, (meaning: didn`t want to wake up my best half with my sudden urge to express myself coughally, I went altruistically to the living room), making myself a cup of coffee (ok, 2 of them), getting incredibly bored (clicked and red everything I could think of) I started to think. I truly did.

And I came up with a conclusion that I don`t talk about sex with anyone! And what is worse, none of my friends are talking about sex either! No sex! Anywhere!

 

What the hell?!?

The sex is gone!

How can it be missing? We are all doing it, more or less, but we never ever talk about it. Like it have become a taboo. Like we have joined some orthodox puritanical sect called „Victorian is the way to go“ where „the thing“ is totally erased as a completely non grata issue. And again, what the hell?!?

When I think of it, last time I heard about it, few months ago, one of my single friends was mentioning something about how she done it with …hm…someone who was not in the picture for too long. And that`s it. As far as I know, nobody is doing it.

Yes, we chat, but I know everything, every damn detail about someone`s health (bowel movements, sinuses, ovaries…you name it), their family issues, absolutely everything about their jobs and daily routine, when they woke up, how they woke up, how was the coffee…but sex? None!

Then I started to think, maybe I am just too old, maybe people after certain 30s just don`t talk about it, but I concluded that it just can`t be it. The present situation is that nobody is bragging and no one is complaining neither. Which is not good. A-a. No good at all.

 

And I can`t just start a conversation with a „Sooooo…getting any…..ha?“ Or invite someone over for a cup of coffee (and cookies, don`t forget the cookies), put a cd and start singing „You lost that looooovin` feeling… woooooooooaaaah“. No, that`s not a solution.

The truth is that these conversations where actually making me happy. Why? Because sex is important, sex is joyful, you can always learn something, it can make you lough, it can make you more intimate with someone (you know what I mean, talking about it, not the… ) and for crying out loud, it is a normal thing for grown-ups! We`re not 7 any more!

 

So, this is it. I don`t want to consider sex a dead issue any more. I`m starting a sexual conversational revival. Today.

(wish me luck, somehow I feel I`m gonna need it, with this recession, depression and other essions around….)

 

Because I deserve it, 34.

Photo by Americangoulash.

The drinking problem

I`m Aqua and I have a drinking problem. (now you go „bravooooo! clap clap…“). No, it`s not that I am spilling the drinks every time I take a glass but I am having a serious problem with the alcohol. The odd one, but still.

The thing is that I can`t drink anymore. I do try, every now and then, but the result is always the same, after one drink, sometimes even before I finish it – I get a proper hangover. For example: one glass of wine means that after 15 minutes I will get a bad headache and max 2 hours later I will be passionately hugging the toilet bowl like a good old friend which I haven`t seen for ages. And I will stay in this position for hours. Then, for the next 24 hours, I will feel like I had 14 shots of vodka, 4 glasses of homemade schnaps and 2 bottles of Merlot from a very bad year. And maybe 3 beers more, just to be on the safe side.

Why? I have no idea.
I was a normal social drinker, nothing too much or regular. It just happened some time ago. And no, it`s not alcohol intolerance, because when you have that, you get properly drunk after a smallest glass of alcohol, which I don`t. I am completly sober with an absolute hangover.

So, after carefully preparing the performance to my doctor (the approach: „Doc, help me to become an alcoholic!“ wasn`t an option) from all points of view, she gave me an advice. Quoting: „Well….don`t drink for couple of years than try again“. Well done Yoda! That is brilliant! I would never think of it by myself!….#?%#!©!!!!!!!!!!

The thing is that I would really like to share a bottle of wine with my Loved one again. And that I would really like to spend some time out, without getting a decent headache from loud music. Yes, it has to be loud, I am a typical product of a rebel teenager, meaning that I still like alternative music, from metal to punk. Good jazz is more then welcome but I really enjoy quality noise.
And not taking a drink or two means that I will suffer. Don`t know if you have noticed, but alcohol, among other things, is blunting your sensitivity for loudness so that if you visit a punk concert you won`t feel so good. Once I went sober on a punk wedding once and trust me – that wasn`t a good move. I got a terrible headache and nausea which would pass every time I left the room. Yes, I tried it that night dozens of times, just to confirm the experiment. And it`s true. Take it from Dr.Aqua.

So, for it I have become a social outcast. A strange, weird and odd person, which won`t go out and mingle like normal people do. And to be sincere, I had it. I love to go out, I love to mingle, dance (or at least do what I call dancing), sing out loud and generally enjoy. I don`t think that`s fair. Not for me, anyway. I just can`t see myself as someone`s old aunt sitting at home with a cup of tea.

So, if any of you had or have similar problem, let me know and help the woman to become a convivial and diverting part of the society again.

P.S. friendly advice, if some doctor ever asks you „Do you drink alcohol?“ always, but always, answer with a big NO. This naive fool have answered once „Oh, here and then, you know…“ which left me with a permanent remark of a semi-alcoholic in my official chart, making me embarrassed every time when some doctor sees it and asks „Oh, I see it now….So, how many drinks do you have per a day?“ Incredible.