Tag Archive: family


Do Less to Impress

Years back, my mother started a tradition – when guests are arriving all hell must break loose.

It doesn’t matter who is coming, the preparations must be professionally done for any guest. The president or a family member, the drill is the same: everyone must lose their minds in hectic cleaning and occasional shopping for the new furniture. And it doesn’t help if you try to intervene with a casual “But it’s only aunt Kate” or “Mom, she will stay only a day, we really don’t need a new mattress”. When you try to make a joke that you are not living in a museum but in a house where people are actually living – brace yourself for a fury storm.

This is why I found myself anxiously turning around, trying to find everything which I must clean, move and throw into the trash. My head was throbbing, my palms were wet and all because of a family member coming for a visit. But then I stopped – why in the world would I do this? I am who I am, my living room is always crowded with books and a thousand little things that make it my home. Yes, my home. Not some strange sterile place meant to present someone’s ideal picture of what a house should be. And even if the guest finds it ugly or repulsive in any way – well, tough luck!

Expectations, that is the problem. Trying to fulfill someone else’s possible expectations of what we should be. Even if we are someone completely different than the person we are trying to present.

So, this is how it’s going to be – I will do a little dusting, clean the table and the floor and this is it. No more and no less. Because this is who I am: a casual person and lazy housekeeper but a friendly host. Because I would prefer to be hosted by someone who is laid back and pleasant, not a nervous wreck and cleaning freak. Starting a tradition f my own, doing less to pleasantly impress.

Because I deserve it, 179.

Cleainging house

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When he met her she seemed like the sweetest thing. So caring and loving, full of compassion and understanding for everyone, a little emotional, yes, but all in all a wonderful creature. They married and she was possibly the greatest wife ever.

And then the baby arrived.

The little bundle of joy made him incredibly happy. He couldn’t wait to get back home from work just to see his precious little girl.  But as the time passed it turned out that this was his primary role – to watch the baby. Literally. No picking up or such nonsense because according to his dear wife, he wasn’t doing it right, he could drop the baby, that was not the proper way to change the diapers, she said, turn off the TV because it’s bad for the little one, she hissed. And the things went on and on.

The first year passed, then the second. Mommy dearest turned into Momzilla. All that hissing and biting spread on other people. Almost all the people. She started writing long angry posts on the social networks about anything that she couldn’t stand and it was all connected to their little girl. She was angry at people on the street because they were talking too loud when she took her little one on a walk. She had a fight with every neighbor in their building because she suspected one is smoking in his flat, the second was cooking something she could smell, the other was listening the music the baby could hear, and the list could go on and on. Nobody could visit them in their apartment because they were all annoying and not good for their daughter. In the meanwhile, the little girl continued to grow and started to become, well, to put it simply, a spoiled brat. That kind of a child that must always be the center of the universe, that won’t allow any adult to actually say the whole sentence without her screaming, yelling or throwing things just to get attention. Because everyone all the time must be listening what she had to say. All must be listening to her. Like her mother does.

As the time passed, the husband started to become quieter. He was still adoring his little one but from a distance. Because this was the only way he was allowed. He was sad and as the years come by, ashamed. Because of his wife behavior. Because of that mean, harsh and vicious woman she has become. And afraid that his little one is starting to grow into the same type as her momma. So he tried to talk with his once lovely wife, but then he discovered the hell’s fury. Her family tried to put some sense into it, but she furiously chased them away. Their friends tried a gentle approach and she spilled all her wrath on them.

And finally, she became bitter. Because from her point of view people were horrible, selfish, they betrayed her,  and she was just trying to raise her child. Not realizing that she is the mother source for all that misery.

Love is grand. Love is beautiful. Love can exist in so many ways and transform into most incredible shapes. But only if we respect it. And the people who are giving it.

Because we all deserve it, 177. Momzilla

OK, real life situation.

For me it`s definitely real because it`s my own.

 

The story goes like this.

There`s a garden, something more than 100 years ago it was a small park. You know, that old fashioned one, with a stone pool, a fountain, few palm trees… But until recently, it use to be just a small part of the green area in town, surrounded by stone walls and covered only with grass and weed.

 

Well, few weeks ago, I`ve decided to become a Green guerilla, and to plant there some vegetables. The soil was so damn hard, dry and almost lifeless (if you forget the weed) that I have literally worked my a… off to make it gentle and tender again. Oh, And how soft it is! Even our cats love to lay down there, turn on it and tap it with their little paws!

So I bought tomato, cucumber, carrot and lavender seeds, placed it with love and affection prepared for that warm feeling of growing green life to come. And it did.

Not so much for other, but tomatoes…. From one small bag of seeds, now I have more than 300 nice, aromatic tomato plants! Am I happy? Of course I am! 300!!! You can you imagine it! Bravo me and bravo tomatoes! What a team!

So what`s the problem? Well, for all this time I haven`t managed not even once to take the damn hose and water the bloody tomatoes!

I don`t know if you have tried it but actually it`s like a reward after all this work. You take the hose, this lovely gift of nature called water stars running and you feel…. so relaxed. And happy. Beautiful feeling.

But howcome the others have discovered it too, some how they always manage to do it before me. It`s incredible!

 

Yesterday I got up at 5 (yes five, can you bealive it?!?), had my coffee, bathroom ritual and off to the garden. After few hours, when the work was done and I was preparing to finally water it, there goes my mother with the hose! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa! OK, I realized now I really have a problem. So today I said, „Mom, at 5 pm I (and I have underlined that I) will water the garden“. You know what happened? At 16:45 she came to my door saying that she wants to feed the „poor cats, they must be starving“.

20 minutes later she was on my door again with „I fed the cats, and oh, I have watered the garden!“. Jesus Mary and… What a woman must do over here to water her own garden!

 

I have decided – I still don`t know how and when but I`m gonna take the hose into my own hands! Me, not others. No way Jose`!  The hose is mine!

 

P.S. I just remembered, maybe I should use, for those 300 plants, the approach „This is Spartaaaaaaaaa!“ line. Or „back off from the hose Jose`“. You never know. Or to take the hose and arange them a nice cold shower.

 

Because I deserve it, 44.