Tag Archive: divorce


Isn`t it beautiful when people fall in love? You remember, the butterflies in your stomach, the sparkling energy which you generate like a smaller nuclear plant, the joy you want to share with the whole world. And of course, the changes you make to yourself – taking more care of your appearance and even polishing your little possible flaws. You know, like saying you absolutely love how your chosen one enjoys football. Everything just to be more likable to the object of your infatuation.

And like they say, it is all fair in love and war. Well, at least until that love really grows into a war.

Robert was a fairly reasonable guy, but 10 years ago he met Diane and deeply fell in love. The feeling was so strong that he couldn`t wait to marry her. She was the one, the perfect one for him. So only 5 months after, they organized a small ceremony and exchanged the rings in front of the family and close friends.

But what Robert didn`t expect is that his loving Diane has also brushed her character flaws and interests. Just like he did in the beginning. Time was passing by slowly, discovering how different they really were. He really enjoyed in martial arts, becoming a real sensei as the years passed by, and she hated the physical activity so much that his enthusiasm made her hate herself. He enjoyed literacy so much that he started to write himself, while she spent her time watching the soap operas every afternoon. Robert adores children and started to feel quite unhappy realizing that Diane wouldn`t even think of having them. While his spiritual side is something he cares about, Robert led his life just trying to be a good person, but without visiting the God`s house. Diane, on the other side, found that she liked going to church a few times a week. And resented him for not going with her. The list goes on and on.

So they decided to split. For good. Before the hate becomes their only mutual connection.
All this time, the whole 10 years, Robert hasn`t said a single ugly word about Diane or their life. Not to her, not to anyone else. His parents thought him that being a good man means also to be kind and civilized and to always defend your family. And for long ten years, Diane was his family.
A month ago, my phone rung. I answered and heard:

„I did it! I finally did it!”, Robert yelled on the other side. „The marriage is over, we signed the papers and I said it!”

„Said what?”, I asked, completely confused.

„I said: Diane, %#& you! Did you hear? %#& you, Diane!”, he shouted.

„Ahm, I`m sorry, what? What`s the big deal?”

„Because now I can finally say what I feel!”

As it turned out, through all those long years, he never came even close to say what he really thinks or feels. He didn`t allow himself to do it. When I asked why he kept quiet, he said that it wasn`t appropriate. To swear in front of his own wife. Because, according to him, he didn`t want to hurt her feelings. Like the divorce wouldn`t.

We are talking about the freedom of speech, but forget to take that right in our own intimate universes. It is important to say it, to express our feelings and elaborate our stands. Even if it`s a bad and ugly word.

So take that right. Say it. Just let it out. Maybe it`s not appropriate all the time, but sometimes that one word means freedom. For your close ones and for yourself. And maybe that ugly word will give the future to your whole life story.

Because you deserve it, dammit, vol.197.

from the bottom of the heart

 

 

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„I red about it recently, it`s called financial mobbing!“ – she said and I just couldn`t help agreeing. Not in the name of the feminine solidarity but because of the simple human sympathy.

As we all know it, things are far from fine. OK, we`re still in the middle of the crisis, no matter what they say. People are afraid of losing their jobs, everyone are up to their noses in debts and loans, the costs and expenses are rising and when you pay all the sxxt you`re suppose to you may say you can barely buy the food. And what my favorite aunt says, the man is a hunter, he is inborn with a social role of the family provider. And when he is not capable to do it as he should on the required level – he suffers. Sure, but how, in which way he will express it – that is a completely other topic.

Hear, hear!

He watches closely, on daily basis, how, where and on what she spends every cent. They are not going anywhere, not even visiting their friends, because he always says no. But the fights about the money are taking place every day in every occasion for almost every single thing. In the same time, he insists to check every bill and receipt she ever paid, he daily checks her and his account, just in case she may spend on something they don`t really need.

Where are they now? Huh, everyday arguments, fights, groans, sighs, snorts, grumble, shouting, and the worst of all they came to long loathing silences. Hard, right? She says that she tries to explain that life is full of ups and downs, that she remembers when her parents had it, that is will pass, that`s just life but he won`t listen.

So what she does? Well, at this point, for her little needs, she is trying to avoid using the credit card, that in every opportunity she gets, hides a buck or two every day, and even if she buys something to herself, like a face cream, she hides it somewhere in the house, sometimes even in their child`s toys. For the new shoes she bought she said it was a gift from her mother. I mean the woman is tricking and jilting that much that she feels like a crock or at least a secret agent in her own house! So for that reason, she is thinking about leaving him.

What about their intimacy? None. Zip. Zero. And I mean not a trace, like looking for a decent meal in a vegan restaurant. Sex? She doesn`t remembers when something even close happened last time. And how will she? Seriously, who sleeps with it`s enemy? They keep each other on the shooting line from the time they wake up until they are asleep. She doesn`t feels like it. He doesn`t understands.

Really? Can`t figure it out why? OK, let me explain, from a woman`s perspective. This kind of fascist patronizing behavior is sending only one message – that she is an idiot, a small irresponsible child for which someone else has to bring the decisions because she is simply not capable for it. And then after such a humiliating treatment you expect the reimbursement of anything and even physical love? Really? How interesting. Wake up ego-khan, trust me, it ain`t gonna happen! Respect is a two-way street, same as the appreciation. She is not a moron, or your child, or your property. Capisce?

You can often hear how people are simply disgust by just a mention that somebody have actually paid for sex with a prostitute. They got married but didn`t properly understood that you have to earn your wife`s love. You never ever take her for granted.

So, if you are asking are you paying for sex the answer is affirmative – yes you are. Always. The thing is that it is not always with money. There are actually only few things that woman needs to be felt loved and to return that love with huge interests. Just three words with the most powerful meaning and remember them well – respect, attention, trust.

And now go, run as your feet carry you to show it!

Because we deserve it, 176.

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Happy end

Discontetment has been long. Actually, almost from the beginning. As soon as that initial passion has disappeared , it`s place was taken by the frustration and the feeling of a huge mistake. But there were the children, and the decency, for which those real, sincere and thrutful words were never spoken.

So it lasted for years. Until one lovely Christmass and a carefully prepared dinner. The guests came around 8 that evening, at 8:30 the dinner was served and suddenly at 9 the phone rung. The wife have picked up and… Well, well, well, on the other side she heard her husband`s mistress. Ha!

The wife have given the phone to the husband and waited patiently until the conversation was finished. Then he asked: „What now?“ and the wife calmly responded „Nothing. Now we are going back to our guests and finish the dinner like civilized people. After it, be so kind to pack up your things and leave. And I mean tonight, please. I don`t know and I am not interested where you are going to go. Shall we?“…..

So, the guests left at midnight. He have, still not bealiving, packed his things, stepped out of the house, entered into the car and sitting there for at least half on hour. For crying out loud, I mean really – where should go the one which is leaving his home and family on the Christmass eve?!? In the middle of the night?!? Really!

And her? Well…First she sat down in the kitchen and made herself a cup of coffee. The sipped it slowly, carefully placing all the fresh received puzzles in her head. And then, she have suddenly jumped on her feet and opened a bottle of wine. Hey, it`s finished! It is really over! No more! No more of him, of anguish, misery and the frustration. She should thank the Allmighty that his lover actually called tonight. OK, maybe it is a little peskily, it is Christmass, but still…. Freedom, choice, relief…Finally!

The woman has been partying till the dawn.

 

And there I am, listening the story and hardly bealiving. But I have no choice because the same thing has been told by the Finally-deliberated-wife and her daughter. „And, have you ever regretted?“ – I ask politely. „Not a chance!“ – she says, „from that  day 23 years have passed. 23 years of pure bless and happiness!“. I`m sitting silently, thinking about it and then the „kid“, which now is in her mid 30s, starts to lough – „From that day, mom is a completly new woman. And we are all feeling better.“. To hell with it, I just can stop and I must ask: „Did she really celebrated?“. The „Kid“ bursts into loughter again- „Celebrated? She was singing until 6 a.m.!“.

What about him’“ – I bodger, „what happened to him?“. The Finally-deliberated sighs and says: „Aaaaah…poor guy. I`m afraid he is not at the top for years now. Soon after that…hap, the things between him and his…girlfriend have finished, to be more precise – she left him. His carieer has gone down the drain, every now and then he finds some short-term work and this is it. Oh, he comes by, every now and then, asking for a buck or few, and leaves.“

 

There. Just to be able to say that being bored on somebody`s wedding and stuck with the people I don`t know isn`t always a  drag. You may hear incredible stories. Thinking about it, that awful divorce may bring a true Renaissance. It starts like a Greek tragedy but it finishes as a pastourelle.

 

Because sometimes you do get what you deserve, 23.