Tag Archive: beginning


Marrrrrrrriage. Sounds scary sometimes.

But if something is even more scarier, that is the divorce. And it`s consequences. But now, not to wake the awful dark demons, we will fast forward a little bit. Into the period when the divorce is already far far gone. At least it should be.

Regarding it, there`s a one tiny winy detail that I`m bothered with: why some women keep their old husband`s last name?

For example, you had a bad divorce. And I mean really ugly. This is not an exception, people are really rarely separated as friends, truely wishing him/her all best. It sounds almost…utopian. Most women just freeze and obscure when someone even mentions their Ex, and they usually „tagg“ him/her the prefixes like: jerk, idiot, moron, bitch, retard, weasel, loser, bastard….you get the picture. They can`t stand him.

But…they are still walking around with his last name. The name of the same person which they despise and hate.

Therefore I ask – why in the name of God?

If you already hate every particle of his being, you are disgusted of his every trace, why are you still stack with his name? What „drives“ this masochistic need to keep it, not to throw away that stinky garb with which you are cloaked, which you attire every morning then snort with your nose on his smell?

If we think about that „nomen est omen“, what is this telling about you? Your name is a very important thing, we are connecting with it, many studies are made proving the impact of letters and words on our life. People are spending years on therapies for that same strong words which have marked their lives. But THIS name – you are not touching. Why is that? After all that…massacre of divorce, why don`t you change it with some that is only yours and which doesn`t connect you with that odious person and all the suffering you had with it?

Why? For some provincial belief that the divorcee is a damaged good? Socially labeled as defected? C`mon! Get real!

I remembered another situation, the one when He had married again, and the „New wife“ have taken that same last name. I know a very succsessful, educated and very beautiful woman, which is „sticked“ on that New One, bitching about her all the time. Why? Because she thinks that she is The Mrs K. Herself, not the second one. And that she is the only entitled to „use“ this name. Because she was the first. The time is flying by, the Ex and the New one, already have their own baby, but the First one doesn`t gives up. A-a. She is Mrs K. Tones of stupid situations are filling up, the situations in which she has to explain that she is no longer Mr.K`s wife, that she has nothing to do with the certain matter or event, after all – she is a lady, a completly other person and…. But she still stays connected with that man on which she exhausting all her bitterness and venom. Whyyyyyyyyyy????

For the Shakespearean conviction that the rose would smell different? Bullsh*t!!! Even there, the good man Will have clearly showed us that the name IS important. Why, I ask, why don`t you take your maiden name, or some completly new, and after all that suffering grant yourself with a new spring time? The one where everything is waking up, where the world has pure clear colours, interesting sweet scents…The one where new day brings the joy of new beginning, illuminated with the sun`s promise. Without ugly shadows and heavy clouds.

Everyone has the right to make mistakes. Face it, we`re not perfect. But also, we have the right on new debuts, without dragging other people`s bulk on our backs. You know, the right on that easy, uncertain beginnings, without ugly prefixes and suffixes.

Except maybe for the pure adrenalin of the true spring „fix“.

Because you deserve it, vol. 4.

Advertisements

For the last few days I`ve heard about several break ups.

Personally, I congratulate everyone on the occasion because that someone has learned something about himself, about relationships in general and because that someone has given himself a chance for a nice new beginning.

Good for you!

Pop that bottle!

But what about the ones who haven`t took anything from it?

And I don`t mean on I-got-the car-you-got-the-dog but on the personal upgrade. What about them? When someone tells you that his ex have cruely suddenly broke up something which he/she thought it was a certain thing and for no reason at all? Then, we usually presume that this cruel ex one has to be a total jerk/bitch and complete human trash. But is it really so?

Have a similar case, from few years time.

He called crying that She left him. Without any explanations at all, she just packed her things and slammed the door. How could she??? After all that time?!? After everything??? They were together for so long, everything was ok, they had plans…

And for that, all their friends have concluded that they are almost obligated to attach to the heartless girl about a dozen deragotary epithets. Nobody, only if it`s a total moron or have found somebody new, is leaving and breaking a good solid relationship for no reason at all.

And so, time flew by, and after few months I run into The Ex. We exchanged the usual How-re-you-how˙s-work-mother-dog phrases and then we went for a coffee. Wanting it or not, somehow we started to talk about her ex, formerly known as The Shocked and Left Behind For No Reason. And… she had something to say. And how!

Oh everything looked perfectly between them…. from the outside. But on the inside it was a different story.

After exchanging the big words in the beginning, everything got down to the fact that he wanted all attention and understanding in the world but in the same time not giving any. He have probably presumed that he took the territory and therefore he doesn`t have to try anymore.

If they had any plans, he would discharge them without any thought – if his friends would call for a drink he just grabbed the keys and left, because he knew that she will wait.

When they haven`t been intimate for weeks, for example, he didn`t worry about it. He had his own buzz at the time, for which he didn`t felt he had to explain it and for the fact that he doesn`t even treats her like a woman but as a relative – he didn`t bother. Didn`t have time for that now.

She will always be here, no matter what. He doesn`t have to compliment her – doh, she knows how she looks like, if he changed a plan that they made – how she can be mad, they will be together all their lives, there is always time….How she can get so pissed about it?!?

How? Because he haven`t won her on a lottery, he doesn`t owns her, so that he can dispose with her time, wishes and needs! She just won`t always be here this way..

So she left. She got tired explaining hundreds of times things that he won`t see or hear. Too much is too much. And she was gone. Bye bye!

Leaving him in shock and disbeleif. What a „bitch“! How could she?!?

The worst part is that he have never asked himself if He have done something wrong. So that he can actually learn something from it, that his next relationship wouldn`t end in the same way.

But noooooooooo, there he is now, in the fresh relationship, complaining again that his new partner is unreasonble. Even gets insulted if she, or somebody else, tells him something. He is perfect! He doesn`t cheat, beats her up, has serious intentions… what is her problem?!?

The problem is that he takes her for granted. Like he did before.

Which, by now, he had to learn. But he didn`t.

That way the break up would hurt him but after it he would rise as a new better man.

Not as a bitter spoiled creature, finding every excuse in the world to avoid the facing.

Not to the ex but to himself.

Now, we are all waiting how long will it take until the Present one decides she had enough.

The bets are open.

At least this way someone will get something from it!