Tag Archive: beach

Boobs on the loose!

It`s cold. So cold that your nipples look like you`re just headed to some porn editorial. Which reminds me on a story from last summer…

I have boobies.

They are not huge but I do have them. Two, to be more precise. They are round and each has a small brown nipple. I take care of them the best I can: I wear a bra worried about future gravitational issues, put moisturizing cream on, massagge them from time to time….And I love them. To me, they are very beautiful.

Every now and then, me and my boobs are going to the beach. We usually pick one which is at least few miles away from the „regular“ beaches, somewhere where we can enjoy in silence and solitude without too much noise and hussle. And there we feel fine. We are absorbing sunshine in our pores, swimming, churning…. Just fantastic!

So one day, me and my boobs, went to our usual source of marine blessings. We came, took  the clothes of, and accomodated. Aaaaaah, gorgeous! And we did enjoy, for an hour or so. Then, all of the sudden, I heard some noise. Oh, some people are coming! Two young families, to be precised. Lovely. So much for the peace, quiet and relaxation, but then again we have all support the birthrate boost. I decided to endure the screaming and crying and running and splashing. And everything was alright until one of the young mothers, I emphasise YOUNG not some old nun, haven`t noticed my boobs. Her young husband have also noticed them but his look was expressing curiosity and amusement while hers was full of hate and personal animosity sending the messagge „Really, from all the places in the world, you had to strip HERE you bitch!?!?“. (I must add that I live in Europe, where topless is usually a very common thing, God bless)

The young mother then started to throw children`s toys, swear and curse, something about „boobs on the loose“. And I do bealive, according to her behavior, that she was the only who heard the message transmitted for my boobs, who were probably chanting something like „la la la, we`re out and there`s nothing you can do!“.

I was confused: why such hate, maybe the young mother doesn`t have one? But no, I saw them, they are far more bigger then mine! Trapped in cloth, but they are both beautiful, healthy and romp. Hm… You see, I have other parts of the body: head, neck, legs, arms…But they don`t seem to provoke anyone. Then I remembered – she must think that boobs are made strictly for one thing and that is lactation. And for that reason, you must keep them in pitch black, where nobody can see them. Every now and then, you may set them free for your legally bonded partner but otherwise, they don`t exist.

Fuck it! Where are we?!? Are we living in Iran, Turkey maybe?!? This is western culture, as far as I remember! What would your mother say about showing your tits in public? That it is a great sin? So must be the sex too, sex is yacky, you do it every now and then just to prevent your husband not to fly in somebody else`s arms. And boobs. These are dark secrets, and dark is the only place where they should be kept.

Well, this is my body which I love and respect very much. The same body that is given to me by my parents and maybe some higher power. And no, I feel no shame for it. And I never will. Next time do yourself a favour and go somewhere where people are sunbathing in raincoats. Just to be on the safe side. Made for all the uber-moral nuns.

I live in a certain type of paradise. No matter how touristy it may sound, here in the heart of the Mediterranean, you may still find lots of untouched beaches where the sound of waves kissing the shore is your only companion.

And I love it. Can you immagine it? A beautiful pebble beach with crystal clear sea and great blue sky only for you…

Even if you don`t won`t to bother with it, and you choose a beach with few people already on it, you will still get a relaxation and piece and quite that you need. The people on it, like yourself, are looking for the same thing so that everyone respect the silent mode.

Well…almost everyone.

Living on such a place, we are used to tourists, people from all the world are coming here and they are all wellcome but one thing scare us all: August. Why August? `Cause this is the time of  Ferragosto, the Italian holiday season.

I love Italians. Have few Italian friends and they are all very cheerful, friendly and passionate but there is one annoying thing they all share – they are noisy. Extremly noisy. Incredibly noisy. And they just don`t realize how it effects people around them. They don`t even see, or better hear, the difference between them and others. Completly ignorant.


Last summer, a lovely beach in the suburbs. You can hear only the sound of waves, hushing few seagulls. There are 15 people on the beach, all talking silently and enjoying. Chilling. Until…

A car came. With Italian plates. And the got cavalry out: mamma, pappa`, nonna (who takes his mother in a law on the vacation?!?oh yes, the Italians!) and a small Italian bambino. Then they started to take out the logistic from the car: 10 towels, 4 fridges, 5 balls, 18 kg of fruit, 12 bottles of aqua minerale,…

After the camp was settled, they went into the water. All 4 of them. And that luscious ravishing regenerating time of complete wellness was over, suddenly ended with extermely rasping voices screaming:

Mamma: „E`insalata l`aqua?“

Nonna: „Si, e`insalata!“

Pappa`: „Ma come, e`insalata l`aqua?’“

Mamma: „Ma l`aqua e`insalata!“

Nonna. „Si, e`insalata!“

And like that for 20 minutes! Incredible! The bambino have realized that the water is salty as soon as he entered in the damn water! And I am sure that the rest of the people there where pretty aware of it!!! And why the hell are you yelling?!? And talking all in the same time?!?

15 people were enjoying in peace and quite, respecting each other before you arrived. Why, oh why are you screaming?!? We are not deaf!

Then you have the thing with the driving. It`s a classical fight in the arena for them. They are always speeding, double-parking, not looking at the signs, not respecting other drivers or usual traffic laws, like the rules don`t apply to them. Last summer we were watching a genious which didn`t want to wait in the que during the rush hour, and literally tried to SLIP GENTLY behind policeman`s back without being seen!?!? With the Mercedes?!?! The cop couldn`t bealive his own eyes…

And it`s not like they do it on purpose – it`s just the way they are. We now they don`t mean a thing, they are just… Italians. It is their way. And this is why you just can`t be mad on them, at least not for long. At least till nex August;-)