Tag Archive: bad laid

Somewhere, behind the 7 seas, there`s a guy, tall, blond (ah, with the colour of golden honey which pastes to the soul….),  very fit with the proper 6 pack instead of a beer sack (standad male package), an artistic soul (he claims ardently)…

So one day he meets a female entity, she blinks and sighs, and he stares into distance worryingly, probably for the spiritual state and the level of evolution of all the creatures from his yokel birthplace to Andromeda.

So he grabs her hand and takes her, with a promise of a stormy summer dusk on his lips. But alas!

A cardinal element of the story: scenography

The rest of the apartment was ok, if we ignore his impressionist reach sparsed all over the flat but… then they got to the bedroom. Yeah. Well…

The bed was located in the middle of a semicircular gap in the room, which wouldn`t be strange if there wasn`t one detail: on some 20 cm from the bed were narrow mirrors attached to the wall. Which wasn`t there presenting the hommage to 80s  but as a architectonic detail of  a very important role.


He stripped and started with a performance: observe my biceps, then look at my triceps, then of course the quadriceps, watch the line on my back when I stand like this… and so for 15 minutes. God all mighty!

The female entitiy lays on the bed and waits.


And then he jumped. I shit you not. And nailed it. Flying.And started to plough.

Style: pneumatic drill.

Clasification of the fucker: banger (forwards the porn on full-action-hero part, memorizes the rythm-bang bang, proudly uses it in real life, the rest of the porn ignores- the pose, the girl, the place….

Sound background:

She sighs, moans (giving her best). But he is the star of the evening. The script is written just for him. And then he started to shine.

He: „I fuck you like a champ!“

She: „Oh!“

He: „You`re feeling so goooooooood!“

She: „Ah!“

He: „I am fantastic!“

She: „Mmm…“

He: „Nobody fucked you like this before!“

She: „Oooooh!“

He: „I am so hot!“

She: „Ha?“

Then she opens her eyes and looks at him. But he, he is not looking at her but in those mirrows above the bed, right above her head! He is looking at himself! His face and expressions. Not their action but his „lovely“ eyes. And cheers!

There the entity started to grab his attention. Like „helloooooooooooo, I am here, anyone?“. But nothiiiiiiiiiiiing. The guy is so self absorbed that he even doesn`t notice her.

And he proceeded with „I fuck you so good, nobody fucked you so good before, blah blah…..“. And like this for 2 fucking hours! No pauses, no slowing down, changing the rythm, or at least some silence for crying loud! Without this eulogies and odes to himself.

Post coitus:

He cums, gets up, goes to the big mirrow and stars to buckle in front of it and to marvel to his biceps for next 15 minutes. Without even looking at her.

 Now that is a classical idiot!

I`m looking at her.

Her name is Roxxxy.

The fuck machine.

And I can`t shake the anguish.

So, for the uninformed, the world of sex and sensual delights have finally  it`s proper representative. Named Roxxxy, this sex robot has 5 „personalities“. You may decide who will you nail today: experienced woman (with 7 years of practice, if I`m not mistaken), a naive girl of „barely 18“, „shy Martha“ or something like it and two more variations. You may even ask her few questions, she also knows something about football and cars. The same second you touch her – she`s ready for penetration, no dinners, no flowers, no chocolate boxes, no flattering, flerting, excusing or wasting time.

No sweat. Wanna fuck and this is it.

For only 9 000 bucks this perfect and everlasting dream may be yours.

And never again you will have to listen:

–         what the hell are you doing?!?

–         are you out of your mind, don`t squeeze it that hard!

–         easy, I`m not the mare!!!

–         I won`t get rid of my vibrator, never!

–         Let me sleep, gotta a bad headache

–         Let`s cuddle first

–         Do you love me? How much?

–         Can`t we try some other way?

–         What is wrong with you? How DARE you to put it THERE?????

Not with her. Oh no! She is ready for everything. Always. Anyway you like it. And you don`t have to try at all, everything you do is perfect. You will be the perfect lover, and she will always scream in ecstasy. Or sigh quietly if you want to. Maybe even cry if that works for ya. (like that Russian Zhirinovski, sick bastard…) Anyhow, she`s got a whole palette of suitable reactions on your poking and pushing. From „Oh yes!“ to „Do me, and do me hard“ ..“ and every damn time you will be amazing erecting you, your pride, joy and delight!

Sooooo… What is exactly bothering me? Like first – alienation.  It`s simple, lazy as they are, soon enough people will be rather choosing some Roxxxy or Coxxxy  (I expect some model for the ladies too) in stead for some human partner, counting how much effort, time and money will they save just to make it worthwhile. Everything will come down to discharge. Without anything. Absolute zero.

Like second, thanks to the frequent usage of sex machine, people will simply forget what it means to be good in bed. Even if you will find some living and breathing person who would like to share her/his juices with you, it will end up as a total coition disaster.

You won`t know who sucks more, you or the other part. You will both be so used to your usual performances that you can forget about the good fuck. Not to mention what will happen to the classical „making love“. The term „bad laid“will rise on undreamt altitudes!

The beauty of human2human sexual (and other) relationships is in exploring, discovering and mutual pleasure. HOW can you enjoy if you know that He/She/IT is programmed to go out of it`s mind whatever and however you do?

I want that I drive someone crazy, that he completly loses it on me, that I am sexy to him because he goes wild on things I do to him, because he discoveres all hot spots on my body, thoughts that turn me on, scenes that blows me out from the orbite and because goes berserk when he sees how hot and willing I am.

I don`t want to enter into the house one day, turn on the system and hear from the speakers „Hello Aqua! Who do you want to fuck today?“

(my sincere apologies to the Microsoft for the dirty and nowise puritanical insinuations)

The good penetration is not buzzardation.