Tag Archive: affair


Damn Facebook. Beside all those silly informations that you get, like when someone woke up today, what did he/she have for lunch, I must also find out who is badly missing sex. Like I care. Like anyone does.

…but thinking about the known and unknown which publish on their wall things like „ha ha ha if only someone would do me“ or „I can`t wait to get it“, besides the gastrointestinal troubles, it have brought me straight down to some other fact: that types like that are actually rarely getting any.

The brief – excessive verbalism of sexuality leads to it`s exclusion.

Statement of grounds – some women, and men,when they hit their middle age (which come galopping, by the way) become insecure and for that reason they reach for extreme vulgarity when expressing sexuality.

Practical example: few years ago, I was working with an hm…lady (?!?), ok woman, for  which I still occasionally blush when I think of her. From that whole on her face called mouth were flying out such vulgarities that I, intonating I, was left speachless. And it`s not like I don`t swear. But with her I was feeling like a 13 year old girl which vexedly observes how her tities grow. You know the feeling.

Anyway, her expressions like „bite my c**t“ were actually very balmy and civilized from her point of view…And it`s not just the matter of personal culture of behavior. When you mix it with the feeling of reduced attraction to the opposite sex, you get a devastating cocktail that can be swallowed only by truck drivers.

The interesting thing is that the same type is often nagging how the opposite sex is, quoting „f***** up, they will only **** you then leave you“. Hm…oh really? What the hell did you expect?!? For crying out load, what were you thinking? And I don`t want hear those grand  speaches about emancipation, freedom and equality. It is simple, when you start with the conversation with „Sooooooo…who big it is?“ don`t expect that he will talk about his mother`s cookies and the height of the hedge of your future house!

Also, if you try this with the regular Joe and he backs off, or runs away, that doesn`t means that he is „totally gay“ because he doesn`t want to have anything with you again.

Get it already: if you act trashy, this is exactly how he is going to respond – he will dump you. Plain and simple.

 

The person for which I`m writting this didn`t have sex for some time now. Long time. She is in her late 30s, educated, quite attractive but she is always using sexual allusions talking to a man. The thing is that even if she gets a positive response, it is always coming from some neanderthal which is convinced to be the greatest stud who ever walked on Earth and functions by the laws of the Holy trinity: F******-Gorging-Sleeping.  And that, she doesn`t want. So deduces that all men are scum.

The thing that is missing to these women is simple: men WOULD. Fact of life. And because of it, there is no need to use that kind of amount of sex in the conversation. Playing cat and mouse can be more erotic, especially if you want something more.

But if you don`t – then don`t play around with the „Ho ho ho“ messages like a drunk Santa but take him by the hand and **** his brains out. And during THAT action THEN talk dirty to him. Knock yourself out!

Otherwise, zip it. To use the immortal words of Elvis – you ain`t nothin but a hound dog, cryin all the time.

That will do (you, him and the whole situation).

 

Because you deserve it, volume 24.

 

Aaaaaaah! There we go, this is life! Laying on the couch after a hard day`s work, light lunch and with a medium size of ice-cream box. The sun is still out and hot, the birds and the bees are feeling lazy but then again I am too.

Then, all of the sudden, I`m startled by a screaming children jamboree from the street:

Little girl 1 screaming: „Never!!! You will never see the child again! Do you get that???“

Little girl 2 yelling: „Don`t even think about it! Give it to me!!!“

Little girl 1 returns: „When I get back, I want ALL your stuff to disappear! Don`t want to see  your face ever again!!!“

Little girl 2 furiously: „Oh really! This is my house and my kid! And I`m not leaving anywhere!“

Little girl 1 explodes: „Get out of my face! I hate you!!!“

(..and then I hear a boom, than a bam followed by some strange squall and another loud bam)

Little girls 2 not bealiving: „Let me go! What are you doing?!?!?…Leave the child!!!!“

Little girl 1 in complete desperation: „ Nooooooooo! You can`t have it! It is mine!!!!!

Little girls 3, weakly: „Ahm…aaah…listen… I`m going home, may arms and legs hurt …See ya….“

What the hell?!?… – I`m asking politely the Little girl 3, the youngest among them. The kid looks at me with her last ounce of strenght and says that they are playing the divorce game….Excuse me???? You are playing what?!? Divorce? How do you mean divorce, what kind of game is this?!?

And here I have the child explaining me, The-ooooold-out-of-everything-cool-and-awesome-ignoramus, your`s truly, how the game goes:

–         Little girl 1 is the mother which have decided to get a divorce, the child, the house and the whole package;

–         Little girl 2 is the father who wants the child, house, and everything else too;

–         Little girl 3 is their child who`s been for the last 15 minutes literally dragged and stretched from the two belligerent sides, then thrown into a car, which all have blessed her with several bruises, joint pains and the ephemeral hearing problems…

Hm…Then I ask the child how in the world they have come up to the idea to play the divorce game and the child answers „We saw it in a soap!“ Aaaaaah, there you go! And we are nagging that the today`s youth can`t learn anything from staring into the tv box! Mea culpa, I whisper, returning into the well deserved isolation…

 

So…From my perspective, I can see that we are developing a complete new generaton which have already adopted a new standard of communication. The kids have learned what is normal and expected in the situations like divorce, relationships and the matters of a heart in general. If you don`t scream, threat or hurt somebody – this is just not it. Being civilized and respectful is just not the way.

A short one : turn of the tv! Let the children out, give them a good book, or at least change the channel to something which will broaden their horizons, knowledge, positive imagination and emotional freedom.

This one goes for the big ones, too. And don`t cheat! Give yourself something good, something priceless like…like your life with all the goodies to make you a even better, smarter and, by all means, a healthier person.

That was the exact messagge that a friend of mine got to her cell the other day. Incredible but true. It`s poetic and sensitive author is still unknown. Fortunatelly. Hoping that he will remain the mistery…Unbealivable.

We loughed about it but then the other friend asked „No really, why is it so complicated? You know, to get some.“. Hm… Actually,  it IS complicated.

For example, watching and the listening the frustration of one of my she-buddies last Saturday, let`s call her Maya, that „light sex“ is a highly complicated operation which requires several years of trainning and a master`s degree. Anyway, Maya discovered a guy close to the bar.  At first he was standing alone but after some 10 minutes or so, he was granted with a female company. Which was his…friend? Girlfriend? Wife? Sister? Neighbour? Cousin?!?!? Hell, she could be anything! She was leaning on him every now and then, but we weren`t sure if it was for the loud music, affection or for something completly different. So, Maya started to observe his body language. He was…he was…looking at her, every now and then, but most of the time he was staring into a nice small spot in the wall. Is he shy? Not interested? Gay? Drunk? Or just stupid?!?

Wanna know how the epopee finished? After almost two hours of blinking, dashing, smiling and God-knows-what, she gave up. Walked away mad as a dog.

What she was supposed to do, she asked, send a memo?!?

It would be much easier if we could just sniff each other`s butt, like dogs,  and automaticaly know – in or out. Like me or like me not. Some time ago, one company have actually started to sell parfumes with pheromones convincing the people that it really works. According to them, all you have to do is just to spray yourself with it and you will get them all. Opposite sex, same sex, dogs, flies, giraffes and penguins. No matter how you look, if you`re dumb as a log, irritating as a brasilian killer bee, with pheromon spray everything is easy peasy. Which turned out to be total bullshit. Obviesly.

But sex is a powerful marketing agent, it can sell you almost anything. Making you forget one simple thing – it`s about you. And how much, and if, another person is attracted to you.

If somebody is into you, he will show it. He may be shy, he may be totally gooffy, the one that trips and falls every 5 minutes, he may be cocky, arrogant and selfabsord, but he or she will show it. He or she will find the way. And you will know it. There is no room for doubts.