Tag Archive: advice


Once upon a time there was a little girl. As the time passed by, the girl grew up and become a woman. That is, she sure looked like one: she was tall, had a nice hair that she brushed entirely by herself, she had a job, her place to stay… all the grown up stuff. But the thing she didn`t have is a stable grown up relationship.

Hm…now that`s tough, her mother thought. „When you are going to find a decent  man?“ – she asked often, smudging the woman with that amiable varnish of expectation and guilt. And how mothers often do, she didn`t stop there: „Oh! Jenny, remember, Jim`s and Joan`s doughter, just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! And Stella, the one across the street, just got married for a lawyer! Ain`t that just great?!?“.  

Well, yippeeeeeee!

The grown up girl knew that she had a problem. It`s not that she didn`t want someone „decent“ it`s just that, somehow, it never worked with anyone. She tried and tried, got hurt, got scared, got bored, got physically satisfied, got frustrated, got angry but never got happy and calm. Finally, after all those years she started asking one question to herself – is it me?

The answer is – yes.

It is you, honey. And the only thing that is „wrong“ with you is that you`re scared. Why? Well, that`s an easy one!

Try to remember how many times during the years have you heard the sentence „Men are great!“? C`mon try it! Nothing? Try harder…Still nothing? Hm…

And know try the easy one – how many times have you heard the opposite? Aha. How many times have you heard it this week? This month? What about this year? Oh, that much.. And how many stories you heard showing it?…Hm…

Get the picture?

And then how in the world do you expect that you will enter in it with your hands and heart opened? You know, the parts that are actually required for a decent relationship. The parts you want form the other person too. That parts that you require also.

All jokes aside, but have you ever thought about all those scary things and „facts“ that they  told us when we were growing up? We heard it from out parents and our friends, which are now actually expecting that we have a „proper“ relationship. A marriage too, the one that it will last.

But nobody thinks that you got actually and deeply scared. Hell, they done such a  good job that you have already started to pick men for which you KNOW you won`t stay with. The ones that even on the very beginning you see that you really don`t have too much in common, so you decide to give it a shot knowing deep inside that it will be over. Because that way you are sure – men are everything they told you they will be. No surprises here.

 

So you wander around like Dorothy Gale (and gale you are, blowing away all the good things) searching for the one who will take you home (you know, that loving, safe and warm place) but scared as hell of all that lions, tigers, bears and what not. And why? Because you got the instructions. All the clarifications, interpretations and illustrations, teaching you to ski then buying you a ticket for a public swimming pool. And hoping that no harm will come out of it.

 

Click your heels Dorothy, and come home. Here men are sometimes sweet, often fun and always alive. Like you are. There are no smokey wizards, no made up animals or special effects. Just you and the whole shiny real world. Enjoy it.

 

Because you deserve it 25.

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Like first, I`ve got to reveal a crucial information that for some idiotic virus I am spending my days laying, coughing, sneezing and driveling. And, I`m bored. I`m so bored that I tried watching ALL the channels trying to find something which will hold my interest for more than 7 seconds but so far nothing good came out of it. The delight of daily television is consisted of soap-trash from all part of the world, so that the only soap opera I haven`t found is the one about impossible love between a lovely girl from Uzbekistan towards a Kazahstanian shepard. Oh joy…

Anyway, I read the new book and decided that I don`t have anything better to do than to „travel“ through the web. And there….Oh revelation! I found a lovely little article from the group „How to be irresistibly sexy and drive the men completly wild“. Superb. Have you tried it yet? You haven`t? Oooooooh now it`s the perfect time! Go to the mirrow and experience these guaranteed advices. Maestro, drums please!

So, they say that the secret is in body language which you can easily learn. Once you master these skills, you will become the flirting guru followed by a mass of horny studs. Ready? Let`s do it.

 

  1. First you have to lean your head a little. (that will give you the impression of curiosity)
  2. Then you have to open your mouth and leave it that way (that will, so they say, create a truely sensual effect, but don`t exaggerate or you will look like you have facial paralysis)
  3. After that concentrate on your eyes – blink slowly, but even then don`t open it widely but keep your eyes half-opened (ok, here you risk to cry your eyes out, like you are a part of some bad military experiment but….anything for beauty, right?)
  4. To complete the impression, throw out your right hip and your left foot place forward simuntaniously turning your knee towards the inside (here be careful not to crash down and kiss the floor, trying to perform a triple axel because you will lose at least 10 points for the lack of elegance)

 

Theeeeeeeeeeere….

And now look yourself in the mirrow. Fantastic! You look like a true retard! THIS will guarantee you to drive any guy… away, as far as possible.

I just can`t help thinking that they are trying to idiotize us on every step. Including our sexual area.

And really, who is following these things?!? Anyone?

That`s why I seriously reccomend to avoid these „beneficient“ advices. Be who you really are. To paraphrase good old Hemingway – the secret of a charming and sexy woman is in the simple fact that she thinks that she is pretty. Whatever that beauty meant to her. At least then she is relaxed enough that she can think about sex at all and not on somebody`s distorted ideas. And they are twisted and distorted.

 

You are sexy. When you wake up, when you walk, when you talk, when you breath. Period.

 

Severely attacked (and insulted) by a nasty cold. Howcome the daytime television become a synonym for stupidity, I had nothing better to do than to surf upon all grand and small waves of the web. Uuuuuuh and goes what I found – one of the chick sites with all the „guaranteed, bonified and verified“ advices for, quoting „How to drive a man wild“.

Read it, done it and had fun.

So I advice you to do the same, just follow these few simple steps. Ready?

 1.  First lean your head a little to one side (that will, so thay say, send a signal that you are interested)

2, Then open your mouth a little and stay that way (don`t over do it otherwise you`ll look like you have a facial paralises, really don`t want that)

3. Ater that you have to concentrate on your eyes – you have to blink slooooowly but don`t you dare closing it, just leave them half-opened (here you are taking a risk to cry your eyes out like you are involved in some strange new military experiment, but hey – you do want to look sexy, don`t you?)

4. To bring the new look to perfection, throw one hip to the right and your left leg to the front, while in the same time you have to turn your knee towards your right (just be careful not to crash down to the floor otherwise Paula Abdul will spit on you like a llama on a unsuspecting child for the lack of elegance, and you reaaally don`t what THAT)

There.

Done it?

Now look yourself in the mirrow. Fantastic, isn`t it? You look like a real retard! THIS will guarantee you to drive every man wild. The only problem is that he will run wild too, but in the other direction from where you`re standing. But then again, hey you can`t have it all!

Like we have agreed before the secret of the sex appeal is…..to be yourself. Relaxed yourself. I mean, how in the hell you may even think of sex when you are concentrated on your body trying to perform some strange mixture of Jiu-Jitsu, Swan Lake and Thriller dance?!?