Category: Sex


I`m worried.

Seriously. For me and for my enviroment.

 

After waking up at 3 am this morning, for the persistent cough which brought out the best me, (meaning: didn`t want to wake up my best half with my sudden urge to express myself coughally, I went altruistically to the living room), making myself a cup of coffee (ok, 2 of them), getting incredibly bored (clicked and red everything I could think of) I started to think. I truly did.

And I came up with a conclusion that I don`t talk about sex with anyone! And what is worse, none of my friends are talking about sex either! No sex! Anywhere!

 

What the hell?!?

The sex is gone!

How can it be missing? We are all doing it, more or less, but we never ever talk about it. Like it have become a taboo. Like we have joined some orthodox puritanical sect called „Victorian is the way to go“ where „the thing“ is totally erased as a completely non grata issue. And again, what the hell?!?

When I think of it, last time I heard about it, few months ago, one of my single friends was mentioning something about how she done it with …hm…someone who was not in the picture for too long. And that`s it. As far as I know, nobody is doing it.

Yes, we chat, but I know everything, every damn detail about someone`s health (bowel movements, sinuses, ovaries…you name it), their family issues, absolutely everything about their jobs and daily routine, when they woke up, how they woke up, how was the coffee…but sex? None!

Then I started to think, maybe I am just too old, maybe people after certain 30s just don`t talk about it, but I concluded that it just can`t be it. The present situation is that nobody is bragging and no one is complaining neither. Which is not good. A-a. No good at all.

 

And I can`t just start a conversation with a „Sooooo…getting any…..ha?“ Or invite someone over for a cup of coffee (and cookies, don`t forget the cookies), put a cd and start singing „You lost that looooovin` feeling… woooooooooaaaah“. No, that`s not a solution.

The truth is that these conversations where actually making me happy. Why? Because sex is important, sex is joyful, you can always learn something, it can make you lough, it can make you more intimate with someone (you know what I mean, talking about it, not the… ) and for crying out loud, it is a normal thing for grown-ups! We`re not 7 any more!

 

So, this is it. I don`t want to consider sex a dead issue any more. I`m starting a sexual conversational revival. Today.

(wish me luck, somehow I feel I`m gonna need it, with this recession, depression and other essions around….)

 

Because I deserve it, 34.

Photo by Americangoulash.

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December joys

I love winter. Really, I just adore that sharp promissing cold air which fills you with vivid energy every time you take a breath. I suppose I wouldn`t sing the same song if my homeland would be let`s say Siberia, but how I`m blessed to enjoy all the benifits of a „normal“ climate, yeeeeees I loooove winter. (By the way, just as an interesting fact: this summer I met few tourists from Siberia on the hottest summer day and I realized that they don`t sweat! Really, it looks like that their sweat glands are simply not developed, so I was waiting the whole time if somebody will faint, reminding them all the time to drink the water. Never seen that before ).

 

And I love the fun, the lights, sharp winter Sun, hugging the heaters, the hope, wearing caps and hats (have them in almost all colours and shapes), the Xmas ornaments and almost everything that comes along in December package. Except that brain washing with Xmas tunes in every, but every, shop, mall, fruitstand, tv commercial or even those hyper-Xmas lovers which have it on their cell phones. Where ever you go, what ever you do you`ll be attacked with it. Too much is too much people!… Where were we? Ah, the winter mirths.

Like every year, besides the summer, December is the month when you have tons of parties, concerts and all sorts of events you can think of. Except the Wet t-shirt contests, beach volleyball championships and beach parties in general. (must admit that we tried it few times when we were younger, strongly bealiving that the good vibes will keep us warm but miraculously it didn`t work out as we planned) Anyhow, December means fun.

 

But like every party time, it requires some precaution for those „funny“ things that it may happen, for example:

 

  1. Losing your windshield – two friends of mine found out that somebody have actually stolen their windshield while they were having the time of their life in a club. The funny thing was that they came out wasted, sat in the car and then after driving some 5 minutes they started to scream at each other „Shut your f…… window! It is freezing!!!!“. You can imagine the rest.
  2. Forgetting your spouse at the parking – this actually happened few years ago. A couple was in a middle of a shopping frenzy, trying not to forget all the food for the dinner, the gifts, and everything that comes along. Trying to save the time, they took separate ways, one went to buy the food and the other went searching for perfect gifts. Anyway, He came home, started the check the shopping list „…oil is here, so is the turkey, sugar, …but I still feel I forgot something...“. His wife, that was waiting for hour and a half on the parking lot. It is still funny.
  3. Sending your sexy Xmas edition photo to a complete stranger – no explanation needed. Except if you send it to a family member. Then you will have to explain yourself to the rest of your life.

 

 

There are many, many ways how you can embarras yourself and amuse everyone else during the holidays, but let`s try to keep it under the control and still have fun this year. It is possible. And you don`t need a miracle to make it.

 

I wish you all a happy happy Christmas!

 

Because you and I deserve it, 47.

 

 

Happy break up!

It is hard. It is often unbearable. It hurts like hell.

But…only for first two months. Then you discover that the Sun still shines, that people are still living around you and hey, so are you!

Then after some time, you start to lough to yourself and your reactions. My last time was:

Day 1: We broke up, I called my best friend, she picked me up and took me for a good cry (you know, sobbing and crying „Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?“ to the skies) and then she drove me to her apartment where I found a bed with sheets with red and black hearts on it and a box of tissues on a night stand. A very own Heartbreak hotel only for me! Aaaaaaah, isn`t that nice?

Day 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7: Crying, sobbing, some cursing.

Day 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14: More cursing and really little crying. Lot of walking.

Day 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22,… to 30: State of reflecting (why in the world have I entered in this relationship anyway? Even a blindman could see that he didn`t have what I need). And little more cursing, of course.

Day 30 to 60: Well, well, well, there is life on Earth! And look, I am here too!

Day 60 to 100: Having fun. Really having fun! Going out (hangovers included), dancing all night, meeting new people, re-discovering myself.

And THAT my friend is why a break up is a good thing.

You know those trust exercises people do when you have to let yourself fall into another man`s arms? Well, you have to do it alone. What do I mean? You have to learn to trust yourself. You probably didn`t had an issue with trusting other people in the first place at all, but the problem you do/did have is trusting yourself. Yes, you may fall but you don`t have to be scared, you may easily prevent it, learn how to do it and finally if it happens anyway, to stand up again on your own.

My fall and rise was going like this: OK, this will sound incredible but I never learned to ride a bike when I was a kid. Seriously, I didn`t have the need and I wasn`t too interested. And I always felt a little embarrassed when someone told „Hey, it`s like riding a bike! You never forget it“. Yeah, right…Like I would know how it feels… So I took a friend with the same problem (his excuse is an ununsual one: his parents are hard intelectuals, they encouraged him to play chess, read, and stuff like that which made him a very interesting person, with two master`s degrees, but no common knowledge like….riding a bike). So we took a bike and went on a deserted place. And I tried. And tried. But I was so scared and paralysed from fear that I couldn`t let myself go. Then, a half-miracle happened: an old man came along with this timeless words of wisdom „You have to let yourself fall, otherwise you are never going to learn“. And I thought „What the….?!? Who do you think you are, Yoda??? What kind a cr.. is this?!?“ I mean really, can you imagine the cliche, an old man coming out of nowhere and saying that?

And I did. True, after and hour and a half but I did it. It worked. I pushed myself and wittingly throwed myself to the ground. And it was beautiful. A revelation. Hell yes, I had large bruises on my legs all summer but I it was worth it. Just after that, I sat on it again and….I  was riding a bike! Me, on my own, with nobody holding it, alone, by myself! Riding. A bike. Ha! Look at me, I`m going! Yipeeeeeeeee!

That thing brought me a package of goodies. For example, after that relationship disaster I had few others but I never felt that bad again. Yes, after the break up you will feel the pain but it will never hurt that much again. And you`ll be on your fee in a jiffy. And you won`t ever feel that lost, or desperate again. Why? Because it is always you. Actually, it really doesn`t matter who is the other person. You know you always have yourself and you know that you are strong, that you can do whatever you like, make mistakes, make some incredibly stupid things, but you can will always depend on yourself.

Because you are The One.

The One dragging the rainy clouds over and calling the Sun back again.

And one more thing, use wisely the grieving period, try to concentrate on yourself, it is you that you are sorry for, not him/her and not your lost relationship.

Then, have a blast.

Embarrass yourself, be wild, dance on the tables if you like it, get a tattoo, whatever, just have fun. Treat yourself with beautiful and nice things, tribute yourself in every chance you have, because you are worth it.

And make your break up period a truly remembering experience.

Because you deserve it, 45.