Category: Gay or ok?


Dear Dr.Ruth,

watched a movie the other day. About a female loving. I am quite a liberal type who honestly thinks that anything goes until both persons are fine and agree with it. The words „dirty“ and „kinky“ are written on the bonny and inspirational part of my dictionary.

Anyhow, watching 2 female entities falling in love and loving in general. They are lying in bed. She 1 under and She 2 above her. A classical missionary position. And they feel fine. They are both moaning. The She 2, which is above, seems to be pretty busy. She is nailing. The penetrator. At least that is how it looked like.

Considering that I am a woman, I don`t see anything disgusting or odd in it. I really don`t bother myself with questioning about my womanhood, or with the fear of it, like the Enemy. THEY are spending their whole lives in constant insecurity, wondering if they are men enough, for which they become very intimidated by the love of the same sex. And we…We are fine. No dilemmas. We are 100% women and that we will be forever.

The way I picture a female sex, it is a very sensual thing. There are really lots of things to touch, grab, stroke, pet, lick…

But what after it? It all looks like a truely fantastic foreplay. Very hot, very exciting, very horny. And when you are aroused like that, the only thing you have on your mind is to get it. To take it in you. The quicker the better. NOOOOOOOOOW. I do bealive that out there, some women bealive that foreplay is actually the best thing in sex, but I get incredibly horny and in that moment I want it. This is why I am here. Give it. Now.

And for that reason, watching the movie, I`ve pictured myself in that role. I am apt to trying other`s shoes and jumping out the closet, trying to know how is it for somebody else. So I am sitting there and trying to imagine how it feels. Then I stopped. And now what?

In the respective situation mentioned above, on the edge of the mind and orgasm, the only thing that I would want is the Organ. Which is….missing in action. Not there. I`m raising the sheets, peeking under bed, tumbling pillows and blankets hoping to find it and finally get it! But there is none. What the fuck?!? Literally!

The only thing that comes in mind is that She 2 will come up, or even better come in, with a dildo. That soothes me for a while, but then again, I want the real thing. Which is not there.

And there I find myself disappointed. For not getting it. No cookie for me. A-a. Technically, yes, someone was eating, but that was not what I ordered! Check, please!

There I decided that this was not for me.

Yes, I was touched by the tenderness, profundity and understanding in their love, but what is a relationship without good sex?

So there, dear Dr.Ruth, I must admit…there will never be a good lesbian out of me. Or in me, in a matter of (s)peaking.

Before I start, here`s a short messagge to a guy who loves dogs a little too much: THERE ARE NO DOGS FUCKING HERE. At least not in my posts.

Yes, I love sex and I really love dogs, but this two I don`t „combine“. Get it? Good.

I mean, some of mine ex-s I may classify as animals, but zoophilia is not my thing. (one of my ex-s was lying like a dog, the other one was often playing with his monkey, the third one ate like the pig,…Oh, and another one was so hairy that he looked more like a bear…but still-no sodomy here)

Talking about sexual deviations and the thrill that they bring, we will easly slip into the problem. To cut to the chase, let`s say that people who are in it, have a fear of rejection. Simple as that. They are grown up but their cojones haven`t followed them. Instead, they developed in some other form. Hm.

For example, I know a guy who often fantasies about gang bang. The 1 on 1 action it`s just not enough for him. But he freaks on 4:1 formation. And he just can`t see that, THAT is incredible fear and hate towards women, and so protrutedly supressed homosexuality that is…unbelievable. Which he can`t admit to himself. Not in a million years.

But considering that he lives in a very macho culture, where homosexuality wears a big negative sign, he have „flipped over“ the thing on a way that according to him s more…appropriate.

Because this way, the woman is still a very degraded  and very irrelevant object, while the male sexuality is almighty.

Imagine several naked male bodies, their prides and joys which dangle and only one little woman. Hm… There is something…fishy in the scene. You like women? Really? And again, hm…

Soooo, there is no chance in hell that you enjoy in that nice male bodies which are petting on you? Oh! That`s grues you say? Aha! Right.

Of course you don`t. Everything is alright, baby. Hush.

And then the frog turned into a princ and the dragon….

The resume is: it is nice to be kinky a bit, as long as you don`t exaggerate. When the things become just too weird. Like dogs, sheeps, calamaries… Then it`s time for somebody to shout „hold your horses!“ what is too much is too much.

And to you, dog man, you are a sick puppy!

Long, long time ago, long before our time, the courtship rules were very clear. For example, the ladies had dance cards on which the interested male representatives could write down their names with which they would express their unambiguous interest for a certain female soul. And they had no dilemma.

Now, the situation is far more perplexed. Say that you like a certain male individual for some time now. You`re looking at him and he, sometimes, looks at you. After few eons, you actually interchange few words. And there you decide that he is not just hot, but also funny. Like a true and proper gal, you already start to project flashes of your pink and peachy future: two of you taking a walk in the sunset, with bumblebees buzzing around you, happy sparrows above you, and you… you are laughing happiliy… he brings you flowers and you kiss him in return with tears in your eyes, then you lick the strawberry icecream together…then you buy a condom with banana flavour…then he licks you only… You know, idyll.

And than one day….beep…beep…beep…WAKE UP CALL!

From a friend of yours you hear this words:

You know…I don`t think that he is…hm…right for you...“ – says him peskily

How do you mean?“ – you ask vexedly

Well…. I think he`s gay….“

And… the music stops. With all those butterflies and bees dropping to the floor and the birds flying away.

What?!? How do you mean gay? No, no, no, gay is not ok! How can he be gay?!?!?

And then the friend starts talking, how in all those years that he knows him, nobody actually ever saw him with a girl. Which is really strange because the guy is incredibly hot… Right, he is well educated, and funny, and sympathetic but somehow just too subtile. On all your and others flirting in the past few years, he always responded kindly but distanced… Hm…Right, this is it, he is gay! How you couldn`t see that???

Damn!…And you give up.

You can`t fight the nature forces, can you!

But then, few months after it, one day walking down the street you bump into him. And gues what is he holding in his hand? Not a bag, not a dog but a woman`s hand with a belonging body (and a pretty one too). Ha! You didn`t see that one coming, didn`t you? Sooooo, Mister I-would-do-you-and-maybe-your-brother-too is not gay after all! And again, ha! Son of the…

What the hell happened? Hooooooow you could made a mistake like THAT?

There are only 2 solutions:

– or the guy has too much integrity and he just wouldn`t be with anyone,  unless he really really likes her, which sounds somehow fantastic, because it blows down the theory that a guy will score, even with his eyes closed, just because he can

– or he`s got a particular sense for beauty and sex appeal (for example, I know a guy who thinks that Olympia Snow is pretty hot. He is into her and you can`t do a thing about it)

So, what do you do? How can you really tell if you really have something, if you really click or not? And how in the name of God you may know if he plays for your team?!?

The answer is… feel it. No really, you should feel it. When two individuals of the opposite sex meet – there is always a certain tension in the air. Don`t ignore it. This is how you can tell.

(I remember a cousin of my ex, a tough guy, heavy metal fan, all pierced up, with about 1000 tatoos on him. When I said to my ex that he is gay, he just laughed about it… but then, after few years, the heavy metal wrecker exposed his Cher side to the world. Everyone were shocked. But I know when we met, that there was nothing, the air between us was… tepid. He didn`t emit anything)

So, the messagge is – listen to yourself. Always. Ignore the learned and listen your heart.

Or you may just say- spit it out, Nancy! Yes or no?!?