Category: intimacy


Are you single? Feeling ok with it? Good.

 

And what if one day you decide to share your beautiful world with someone and you find out that the competition is changed?

I am a big fan of singleism. Used to be one and really enjoyed it. And for that reason, I always defend someone`s choice to be single. Let`s face it – it is not always easy. You will be judged by your family (why can`t you find somebody nice and settle down?), by your married friends (the time is flying, you know, you can`t go on like this forever), your work colleagues (you think you`re something special?) and the public in general.

It takes cojones to be solo, to live by your own rules, to comfort and cheer yourself when rainy days come, to solve everyday dramas and always give 100% because you have to, because there is no other half who will do it for you. Not to mention that everything is more expensive, for you, single as you are.

But that kind of freedom, if you want it, worths every penny.

 

Now, let`s say that one day you decide that you are ready for sharing yourself with someone? (have a friend which uses this term, qouting „I want to share myself with someone“). Let`s say that now you are in your late 30s. You look younger than you are, having this bless because you haven`t given any birth, had all the time in the world for yourself and everything that comes with it.

What do you expect, who will be your competition on the market? Have you already prepared yourself to curse the 20 year old bimbos?

Well think again because the ones who you should be aiming are the socially praised married ones.

My best friend is actually „looking“ after 20 and something beautiful years of singleism….and surprise, suprise, her competition are actually married girls and women who go out a lot and somehow forget to mention that they are married. They flirt, sometimes push for something more juicier, sometime are in a relationship with single guys telling them how it is hard for them, that their best half doesn`t has any understanding for their needs, how much he is working, they are always alone, and blah, blah, blah…The dame in distress bulls…. You know the drill.

 

How do I fit in the story? Because one of my best friend`s „rivals“ turned out to be someone I know. Someone with who recently I had several discussions regarding this kind of life. My point of view is very simple – don`t do anything what you don`t want to be done to you. Cheating someone who is devoted to you, just because you are bored, is idiotic and cowardly. It takes COURAGE to enjoy the benefits of being single. Living under someone`s wing, lying, just that you may have a safe port after the exciting storm is … It makes you a pure zero.

If you want to have this kind of life, be honest and fair, and take the „single“ step. Yes, it is a big step, a complicated one, often hard, but it is the only right step you can do. That is if you have any respect for yourself and for other people.

 

To use the immortal wisdom of the Beastie Boys, you gotta fight for your right to party. Otherwise, you don`t deserve it and the others do not deserve all the c..p you`re pulling off either.. In fact, you are taking someone`s place on that thrill ride, so get up and move on.

There are people waiting in line here, so c`mon!:-p

 

Because we don`t deserve it, 39. (me for listening to this s… almost every day, those poor partners who still doesn`t suspect anything, the other sides which don`t expect to be deceived and used, and finally the single ones for taking their indentity, place and rights)

 

The hommage also goes to another friend which have boldly and fairly taken the single step, after 20 years of marriage. That`s to way to do it!

 

 

 

 

 

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I feel it. It`s happening again…

Still don`t have any tactile proof but all requirements are here.

First to introduce myslef – I am Aqua, an ex notorius troublemaker alibi.

Want to escape from your one and only, every now and then, to get wasted so much you can barely walk, come home at completly unapropriete hour, and still get away with with it?

Then blame it on me!

It`s easy, just say „I was with Aqua“ or „I run into Aqua and you know how she is, she won`t let you go after only one drink…“. There, everything solved. Just like that.

How it works? Simple, get loved, or just liked even, by your friend`s best half, get her/his trust as a decent well-behaved person but who likes to go out much and whenever you feel to break up your daily routine and get a little impish – come home and say you were with me.

Yes, you will make me curse you for a while because I really don`t want to remember all those dates when I was supposed to be partying with you, but I am your favorite and always efficient alibi. Your best half knows you won`t get in any trouble because I like pure clean fun. I will dance, lough, talk and have a drink or two…(or 3, 4, 5…:-p). But that`s it. No funny buisness.

 

No, really, few years back, I was going out much, didn`t have so much responsabilities, and you could meet almost everywhere. In clubs, concerts, bars, somewhere miles from civilisation just walking and admiring the nature, …Well, the last one I still do but partying… Let`s say that now you may see me in a club 3-4 times tops per a year, having a cup of coffee in a nice cozy place and sometimes you may see me on those few interesting exhibitions you may find. Not a perfect alibi maker anymore.

Yes, I was following Lenny Kravitz`s state of mind with that „dancing till dawn“ and I was using it the best way I could. (I was always joking with my One and only that he doesn`t knows how to go out and that I don`t know how to come home when I do). But, like I said, I had it and now I enjoy the calm harmony.

 

But…yesterday I got a message on FB from a friend of me, qouting „We have to talk, in private“. I know that she`s been going out solo for past few months, because her spouse was working, was tired, didn`t feel like partying…. And when I asked her, few days ago, when I can expect the two of them to come and see our new shiny apartment (let me brag a little) she started to shrik in a way letting me know, between the lines, that we shouldn`t contact or see her best half for now. Which is strange because her lovely Mr.D is somehow introvert and the two of us are almost the only people he wants to spend time with. Hm…

 

Me don`t likey. Don`t get me wrong, I am the first who will tap someone`s shoulder for doing something good for him/herself no matter what the rest of the world will think but this.. Looking it from the perspective of these few months, I kinda got a feeling that she has done, or doing, something really wrong. And I won`t surely be a part of that. I like that man, he is a good quality man, which I would reccomend to any woman. He is kind, romantic, strong, funny and she can always count on him. Best example: she knows to get crazy with shopping clothes and the thing makes him smile, just because it makes her happy. Now how often you meet that kind of man?!?!?

 

After all these years, I`ve come to conclusion that we shouldn`t do anything which we can`t tell our best halves. If we can`t, then we know that it will hurt that somebody, which is just wrong. (lying or deceiving is not an option for me, it takes too much energy and I really like to feel free, not tangled in anything). Or even worse, if you can`t tell it to your best half, maybe you are deceiving yourself, spending your time with a person which is clearly not for you. Don`t know which is worse.

 

So, now I am expecting. Will she or will she not ask me to cover her. Me, the troublemaker`s alibi. And I hope that she won`t. I hope that she will come out with the truth.

 

Because I (and everyone else) deserve it, 39.

I`m worried.

Seriously. For me and for my enviroment.

 

After waking up at 3 am this morning, for the persistent cough which brought out the best me, (meaning: didn`t want to wake up my best half with my sudden urge to express myself coughally, I went altruistically to the living room), making myself a cup of coffee (ok, 2 of them), getting incredibly bored (clicked and red everything I could think of) I started to think. I truly did.

And I came up with a conclusion that I don`t talk about sex with anyone! And what is worse, none of my friends are talking about sex either! No sex! Anywhere!

 

What the hell?!?

The sex is gone!

How can it be missing? We are all doing it, more or less, but we never ever talk about it. Like it have become a taboo. Like we have joined some orthodox puritanical sect called „Victorian is the way to go“ where „the thing“ is totally erased as a completely non grata issue. And again, what the hell?!?

When I think of it, last time I heard about it, few months ago, one of my single friends was mentioning something about how she done it with …hm…someone who was not in the picture for too long. And that`s it. As far as I know, nobody is doing it.

Yes, we chat, but I know everything, every damn detail about someone`s health (bowel movements, sinuses, ovaries…you name it), their family issues, absolutely everything about their jobs and daily routine, when they woke up, how they woke up, how was the coffee…but sex? None!

Then I started to think, maybe I am just too old, maybe people after certain 30s just don`t talk about it, but I concluded that it just can`t be it. The present situation is that nobody is bragging and no one is complaining neither. Which is not good. A-a. No good at all.

 

And I can`t just start a conversation with a „Sooooo…getting any…..ha?“ Or invite someone over for a cup of coffee (and cookies, don`t forget the cookies), put a cd and start singing „You lost that looooovin` feeling… woooooooooaaaah“. No, that`s not a solution.

The truth is that these conversations where actually making me happy. Why? Because sex is important, sex is joyful, you can always learn something, it can make you lough, it can make you more intimate with someone (you know what I mean, talking about it, not the… ) and for crying out loud, it is a normal thing for grown-ups! We`re not 7 any more!

 

So, this is it. I don`t want to consider sex a dead issue any more. I`m starting a sexual conversational revival. Today.

(wish me luck, somehow I feel I`m gonna need it, with this recession, depression and other essions around….)

 

Because I deserve it, 34.

Photo by Americangoulash.