You know those sick bastards (and I`m sure you do) which are hiding and beating behind the bushes? That perverted type which is addressing you with a larynigitic voice „I would fuck youuuuuuuu...“ then following you home? The one which is jerking off and running after you in the same time? Those sorrowful creatures which you discover in almost every block when the night falls and on every beach during the summer?

The ones for which today you never go out alone at night, avoid walking in the parks or, God forbids, on some strange quiet alleys. Terrible, isn`t it?

But have you ever asked yourself what made them that way? Well, maybe this is the answer.

I`m sitting in a pretty pleasent company, on a house party, sipping some nice wine. And there we are, a bunch of laid back friends and new kith, joking and talking… You know how those things go. Like I said, I`m sitting cosily and bibbing my Chardonney, feeling fine, when out of the blue, one broad, a woman and a mother, starts with her dilemma:

Woman/mother: „I real think there is something wrong with our kid…..“

Audience: „Why? How do you mean?“

Woman/mother: „He˙s not jerking off!“

Audience: „?!?!?!?“ (how should you react on such a statement anyway?) …“Hmmmm…weeeell…hmmmmm…How old is he?“ – we ask embarrassingly.

Woman/mother: „12“ – she says.

Audience: „How do you know he`s not…you know….beating the monkey?“ – we ask again blinking in abashment.

Woman/mother: „I check! Every now and then, I crash suddenly into his room or bathroom and I still have managed to catch him!“

JESUS! Holy…Say what?!?!?

I almost dropped the glass! WTF?!?!? She does what?…It`s…You`re…Unbelievable!

No wonder he`s not jerking off! How could he, poor thing?

How in the world she doesn`t sees how traumatic it must be to the kid, all the time living in the fear if his mother will fly in the room (or bathroom) while he is whacking?!?

Can you imagine what must be going in his head: there he is, cockering his little friend, his little pride and joy, dreaming of some delicious chick and her nice big boobs, just him and his right hand working together, and he feels fiiiiiiiiiine, yeah, ….that`s it….he`s almost there…oh yes…there he goes…oooooooooooh….and his mother comes bursting in! He would…he would… he would die!!! Jesus! To get caught in that age by your mother while you are masturbating!

And if he is not doing it, he surely doesn`t do it because of her, for crying out loud! Because he never knows when the perverted sicko of his mother will crash in like SWAT! And what would she say if she would „catch“ him? You`ve been punked?!? Or: let mamma see if you`re doing it properly?!?

What a control freak. What in the world do you have to do with his little ding-dong? Of course he`s not normal, how can he be? When every time he feels that strange but pleasant arising, he remembers his mother. Thinking how she will enter in the room right at this moment. Cathing him in the middle of the performance. Give the kid some privacy!

What a world! And then you ask how the perverts are made. In this very way, dear respected woman/mother! When a healthy, delightful and above all joyful act becomes a traumatic experience caused by such a parent! Who wants to think of his mother when he`s doing it?!? What a freak!

I am sincerely hoping that I won`t meet her again so soon. Or her kid, when he grows up, when I think of it.

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