How to be outrageosly rich?

How to fuck 1450 chicks in one year and become rich?

How to become incredibly happy and rich, of course?

In our age, the postmodern neurotic period, we have like tons of selfhelp books in every corner. Some of them are actually good but the majority are total trash. The sad thing about it is the fact that on the wings of consumerism, selfishness and self-pity on which we are flying, we are looking for turbofast and hypereasy solutions which will bring us to a general bliss, with minimal effort. And of course, that book also must have a part where it`s author is convincing us how we are actually wonderful but the others just don`t see it. But they will, after the author`s secret advice. Sure.

Why am I bothered with it? Because of the conversation I had the other day. Here it is.

She: „Will you take me to the library?“

Me:“?!? I have to take you? Why?“

She: „Because I need a book, and you are the only one that I know, that does things like this. Goes to the library and borrows books. You know, really reads.

(Here I felt like a leper, like a total freak, a weirdo. I`ve become „the-one-who- goes-to-library-and-really-reads“. What will my neighbours think? I will be socially excommunicated!)

Me:And what book do you need?“

She: „How to have a really good fight, or something“.

Mazel tov!

The thing is that she and her man are constanly fighting. 24-7. Waking up, you son of the bitch, dressing, you idiot, going to work, why are you late you moron, coming home, where`s my lunch stupid, afternoon chilling, I can`t stand you, watching tv, you heartless bitch…. A true idyll.

And from all the things in the world, all moves, solutions – they want a selfhelp book named How-to-have-a-really-good-fight. They don`t remember when they talked normally last time or when they spent an hour in pleasant silence. But they do want the fightings to continue on completely another level.

The thing is that they are appropriately deaf. Enjoying in their own voices that much, and not having a clue that, just maybe, the other side has some rights and needs too. So they scream. All the time. And now, with the help of the good book, they will have the possibility to throw in some quotations too like: „No, no,no, you jerk! On the page 47 it says that….“.

You get the picture.

I, on the other hand, am waiting for another book to come out – „38 things on which you may conclude that you are a selfish manipulative child and for which you may bitch slap yourself“.

Till then, it looks I will take others on a library tour. I have the license.

Helping them to find the way for their desired destination, Selfishville.

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