Got a call last night. On the other side of the line was a familar and dear female creature with a lot of excitment in her voice, saying: „Wooooooooooooow honey, I met a Lovely! It was… unreal. You have to see him… I`ve almost died, he`s…. Ah! Soooooooo  hot!!!“.

The classical definition of a Lovely is: a man, late 30s or early 40s, charming, well preserved, with magnetic attraction, painfully hot, has all hair which is greyish on the sides.

So she asked if I`m online and if I could Google him. (A classical stalker approach.) She said his name and Google revealed a well known intelectual. Just as an info, her last One was an old, chubby, cranky, boldy…something so now I expected something really good.

Her next line was: „Find his photo! There must be a photo!“.

So I did, sincerly hoping to see this:

In stead of it I got…  Noooooooo…. Can`t be…. This just can`t be it…..Is this a joke?….Damn!!!

Jesus Mary and… ! And again, damn woman!!! What the….?!?

The guy is over 50, maybe even older. In stead of the hair, he`s got few white….fluffy… bushes which are struting on his shiny bald spots, to be precise – every 15 inches you find a grmičak followed by an airport run… And his face, pure pedophile. You know, chubby and wrinkled, with a pretty disturbing smile. Short, chubby, all lard and swing.

And again, damn!

Then she asked: „Isn`t he georgious????“ – and I… I couldn`t speak.

I couldn`t because THAT was one of the ugliest creatures I ever saw! 100% sleezy.

So I kept my mouth shot in disbelief, trying to recuperate, while she was sighing. And smiling. And giggling. And sighing again.

And I finally said…. `Cause….This is… This…is… I mean was….Well…

Woman, are you feeling alright? That fever that you`re mentioning, have you been eating something strange today? Or perhaps you started to use some drugs? Helooooooo? Anyone?

Like first, he`s surely more than 20 years older from you! Probably more. Secondly, if you like older men, at least choose something really sexy and attractive! You call this hot?!? THIS couldn`t be loved not even by his own mother!

There are some really hot examples of the Lovely but this… He looks like someone`s horny uncle!

And why you need older men anyway? What`s wrong with your father? Why do you need two?!? And for crying out loud, why, oh why they have to be so ugly??? You`re young, attractive, educated and funny, you can choose amongst an army of goodlooking guys!

And no, here you can`t use the phrase „Beauty is a realtive thing“. This is not relative, this is completly and totally old, ugly and sleezy.

When they say Oldie and goldie, they don`t reffer to that.

There must be a fault in the evolutional code. Some nasty mistake which pushes the Beauties towards the arms of geriatric Beasts. So that they could push them back (or their wheels) towards infinity.

And I must say, I understand the Oldies, we all like the spring,  but what`s with the Spring roses? Were their fathers so cold and distant that they keep searching for that love forever?

And what when Spring roses get older, then what? How to teach them to give themselves all the love they missed?

Surely not through some dry wrinkled hands.