One of the things I try to avoid are visits to the bank. Bless the internet. Don`t like them `cause there`s nothing human in it and let`s face it – waiting is not my stronger side.

Anyway, been to one the other day. A smaller one, in the suburbs, to be exact. And I had a proper surrealistic experience.

It was a nice, sunny morning, a usual morning like any other. I entered into a empty bank. Completly empty. Except me, the clerk and the guard, there was nobody there. So I have approached the desk with my morning smile (the one after the 1st but before the 2nd latte) and said „Good morning!“.

The clerk, a lady around 45 with large glasses and interesting hair, looked at me disapproving and said „Where`s your number?“.

So I said: „Excuse me? „ and the guard said „You have to take the number!“.

I looked at him to check if he`s serious – I mean, I am the only living person here! But his face and the look on it was very determined saying that I HAVE to follow the procedure.

OK. I got back to the door, choosed the type of service, took the paper with the number on it, walked back to the clerk dropping the number on the desk. No reaction.

I am looking at her and she is looking at me, with some blank smile on her face. Not moving.

Not speaking. Nothing!

I looked at the guard again (give me some clue man!!!) and he whispered „You have to wait for your number to come out!“.

You gotta be kiddin me…

After few minutes of playing looking-smiling-blankly starring the clerk pressed a button and it showed number 162 on the display. 162!!! It`s mine! I won, I won!!! Yeeeeepeeeeee! What a shocker! They love me, they really love me! I`d like to thank my family, the director, the producers, those lovely people from the…

And then the guard asked „Is this your number?“ …Of course it`s my bloody number!!! There is nobody here except ME!!! What the…….?!?

Then the clerk said „Can I check the number please? Thank you. OK. Good morning, how can I help you?“.

We finished in the same official robotic tone, same smile, same expression. Robo-clerk…

OK, I know that the procedure is very useful when the bank is crowded with people but who`s brilliant idea was to train them to react ALWAYS in the same way, no matter if there is 100 people or just 1 person? And what`s with all that standing, smiling and starring for 10 minutes?

Next time when I get the call from your bank, offering some of your special services, insurance packages, investment opportunities or something similar,  I WILL play a little with YOU:

Press 1 for my personal opinion of your bank

Press 2 for curses regarding your procedure

Press 3 for choosing curses on another language

After half on hour of listening some extremly boring music,  please grade my service. And don`t call again. Ever.